Facing vindictive ex in court over residency on Thursday, any tips from people who have been through this??

[Nighbynight]

Ex h wants 2 of our 4 children to live with him. I dont think the court will split the chidlren up and grant him this, however I am completly sure that he will use the opportunity to try and do me as much harm as possible.

Has anyone been through this? It is in germany, but assume it will be broadly the same as in UK. Will ex h get the chance to question me?

He has been throwing out suggestions for ages about what sort of things he is going to try and say. Some of them are easy to counter, eg that I am a drug addict! or am fiddling my taxes (both groundless)

Other than that, my mind's a blank. What reasons is he likely to put forward as grounds for splitting the chidlren up?

I will be thinking of you. What time is it? Be sure and come and tell us how you got on. I don't think he has a hope in hell, honestly I don't with his behaviour. Is your lawyer confident or close-lipped about the whole thing? GOing on experience he must be able to say if he thinks it's going to be ok.

What could he spring on you? Well my guess is he will try and cast aspersions on your moral character in some way, like insinuating you are sexually immoral (prove you aren't eh?) or mentally instable or a bad mother for some reason or other. These things are hard to disprove and then just leave an ugly taste floating in the air. However the courts see cases like this all the time, don't they? So they will not be easily taken in by wild accusations of that type, they'd be meaningless. Where is his proof? Is he going to get people in lying for him or what?

What could he feasibly put forward as an argument though? His lawyer no doubt suggested the boys need a male role model thing and he might say that you are alienating them from his culture or something (he's French is he?) or his religion. I don't think any of that would wash though. You could just say that is one fo the reasons you chose to bring your dc up in Germany because it is a country where foreign languages are taught well and which is open to other cultures and has a close proximity to France - all true.

You mentioned ex trying to influence the boys and telling them what to say. Has he said something to your ds that you do not know about, things like if you don't come and live with me, I will do x,y,z to your mother I wonder? How are the boys, do they talk about it and what they are going to say at all?

I would also emphasise the close relationships the dc have to each other with some examples showing why the boys should not live apart from the girls to counter that argument. Anyway I think it's obvious to anyone that the marriage break-up and the behaviour of your ex have been disruptive, unsettling enough forthe dc without their nuclear unit being split up even further

Just seen this and don't know your story but I wanted to wish you the very best for tomorrow. It must be a nightmare experience to go through.
xx

I was told not to assasinate Xhs charatcter only stick to things that were pertinent to his abilty to parent DD better than I - well worse!

Another one who doesn't know your story and can't offer advice other than try to stay calm (I know easier said than done). I've been through the english court against my ex who like your ex is a bully and got so wound up that I couldn't really think straight. Will be thinking about you and the best of luck .

So how did things go?

Oh wait, it's only wednesday today! Silly me

no advice but good luck for tomorrow.. how awful for you.. Hoipefully the court will see him for the selfish numpty he is, trying to split the children up fgs!

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. It's really helpful for me to prepare myself mentally for tomorrow.

Sandy - he's been trying to prove that I am out shagging every Friday night ever since we split up. He kept questioning the children for ages. He cant believe (or pretends not to believe) that people actually work on Friday afternoons in Germany! thank you for your suggestions, lots to think about.

Good luck for today. Let us know how it goes.

Hi, well I am back from the court. Ex didn't show up! He is completely unpredictable. No decision yet, the judge wants to meet the children. She was not noticeably sympathetic to ex though[dry emoticon]

gf, I noticed from your thread that things are back to normal with your ex...he sounds a nightmare.

By the way, in the German court, it was very informal, just sitting round a table.

Sounds like a good start for you nightbynight.. when will you know the next court date?

Yep he is!

I am really glad your X didnt turn up although what a plonker! The judge wont tolerate things like that.

Sounds like a good thing for ex to do - for your side anyway. I know the english courts don't like their time being wasted, hope it's the same over there.

next date is end of june. Biggest problem is potentially what ex will do in reaction to a verdict against him, but will have to cross that bridge when it comes. He is unreachable on his handy, but I am not going to get wound up, he has "disappeared" too often in teh past, and always turned up, having just wandered off. I am goíng to have an early night

Hope you are ok today nn!