The other parent.

[Marei]

Hi ,all.
Gonna try keep this short, had a slight disagreement with my adult ,26/20 daughters last night.
The 20 was saying she wasn't doing anything for her 21st as she has no friends ect, and I mentioned the fact I done the 18th ( trip to America!) so think dad should pipe up for the 21st.
And then then both went in a manger huff because I mentioned the fact that he doesn't do anything,and hasn't since getting married( over 10 years ago, to a member of my family! ) and he supports and pays for her kids and grandkids.
I've done it all myself with 2 other younger kids ,and was made to feel like a bad parent, for saying maybe dad should step in for this one. 🤔
There here every day,I do everything,I'm mean every thing for them.
Even my granddaughter who's 5.
I just want a break, I'm I asking to much here???
Any advice would be helpful. 😞

Im not sure why anyones expecting anyone to arrange a big 21st birthday celebration?. If you want to do something then do it, but if you dont, dont! Im not sure why bringing her father into the situation is anything to do with you? I mean than kindly
The whole things as big as you make it.

You’ve done your best. You did your duty for the 18th so leave it at that.
Step back & see what happens.
Your daughters sound very entitled. They need to get a grip on real life.

Personally I think the issue is taking a swipe at the father, it just gives them ammunition to say you’re only not doing this or that to get back at him.

I would probably just have said something like “I can’t plan a 21st party right now, sorry” with no added explanations.

I don’t even understand why 21st are becoming a big deal now, I can sort of see why in the USA but here nothing different happens, it’s a bit random.

What did you do for the other one’s 21st?

it’s not unreasonable to expect the other parent to step up, but if you already did something amazing for the older one’s 21st then the younger will probably expect the same

We all arranged to go for dinner, my two older girls,there grandad and uncle,cousins, and myself. That's what she wanted.
Dad sent her money as per. Why should he bother now tbh. They know I'm here and always will make it happen for all my kids.

Stepping aside from the 21st, you have 2 adults, one a mother. WHY are you doing ‘everything’ for them? Especially if you want a break. Take the break! Their lives are pretty much on them at that age (some exceptions if youngest is a student still). I agree with not dissing dad - they are not blind they will see it - and agree with treating youngest as you treated eldest but honestly, im general just stop!

historically 21st birthdays were a much bigger thing than 18 over here. I’m mid 50’s and my parents generation made a much bigger fuss fur 21. That was the age when you got “the key to the door”. It’s just very old fashioned