does any1 else feel like ur doin it all alone even with a bf??

[FindingMyFeet89]

hi everyone
just feel like i need to get this off my chest cos its doin my head in. i technically have a bf but honestly it dont feel like it half the time. since that scan he hasnt even asked once how babys doin or mentioned the letter about the follow up. hes barely been round this week n when he does come its like hes only half interested, more bothered about his mates or his phone.

i feel like im carryin this pregnancy on my own, same as i did with my older kids. its like im already a single mum but with the extra stress of pretendin ive got someone standin by me.

i no some people will say men dont get as into it til the babys here but it really hurts that he dont even check in on me or the kids much. im exhausted tryin to keep everything goin n keepin hope alive when it feels like im the only one who cares.

does anyone else feel like ur basically alone even tho ur meant to be in a relationship?

Haven’t you posted before? Are you the woman with the 4 children that aren’t his and he doesn’t even live with you?

If so yes, you’re a single mother still. That man isn’t interested and I’m unsure why you’ve decided to carry on this pregnancy.

Is he the father of your older DC or just this one, did he actually want the baby. Either way he needs to support you

How long have you been together OP, given you don’t live together I’m assuming it wasn’t a planned pregnancy?

This is why it's generally best to make sure they are a DH not just a bf before any baby comes.

It's sadly never a guarantee, but it is absolutely the best chance of having a committed father for your children.

I think in your heart you always knew it was going to turn out like this.

Why do you keep getting pregnant when you are not married?. It's not working.

Yeah this doesn’t sound great! He sounds like he’s not facing up to facts.

hi yeah im the one with 4 kids already, all mine not his. this baby is his tho. we been together on n off for a couple years but never lived together. no it wasnt planned but once i found out i couldnt go thru with ending it, i just aint built that way. he said at the time he was happy n wanted it but now i just dont no, feels like hes distanced himself loads.

i no people say its my own fault for keep gettin pregnant but i honestly thought this time would be diff cos hes always been good with my kids in the past. guess maybe ur right n deep down i knew it be like this 😞

I’m sorry OP but I think you need to accept you’re still a single parent and make plans on that basis.

You need to accept you will be bringing your 5th child up alone, you were already rocky before being on & off, hes just not that into you. Sorry to be blunt.
i would ask for your tubes to be tied after this so you dont get into the same situation again. X

You’ve created life with someone you weren’t and still aren’t in a stable relationship with.

You have been on and off and don’t even live together. It is not a serious, stable relationship.

You need to start accepting that this person most likely will not be a partner in life to lean on and rely on.

Stop focusing your energy on something that isn’t going to materialise and focus on your children and improving your self esteem so you don’t settle for a man like this in the future.

I would also speak to your midwife about getting your tubes tied after this baby. You don’t need to be reproducing any more children.

@FindingMyFeet89 if he was an on and off guy it doesn’t even make sense to consider him for a father.

I have no judgement to pass but after 1, even 2 children, that should be plenty of experience for us to learn the lessons we need to learn. I agree with everyone else regarding getting your tubes tied since obviously there’s some issue with contraception here, but also strongly recommend getting counselling to figure out whatever is going on with you that this has happens multiple times. It’s for your own benefit, but also for your children’s future so they don’t end up repeating patterns.

i get what ur all sayin but its still hard to hear 😞 i no it dont look like a proper relationship on paper but when things was good between us it really did feel diff. i guess i just wanted to believe he’d step up more once baby was here.

im not against the idea of tubes tied after this one tbh, 5 is a lot and i feel stretched already. i just hate feelin like people think i dont care bout my kids or that i just have babies for the sake of it, cos thats not true at all. i love them all more than anything, just wish i’d made better choices with the men if im honest.

But your not in a proper relationship. He doesnt live with you. He doesnt ask about you or the kids. You are on & off. He isnt interested in the pregancy. Thats not a real relationship.
I know its hard to hear but that is the truth. Your not having babies for the sake of it but you are making bad decisions you really need to tie your tubes as 5 times is a lot for the same thing to keep happening.
Have your baby and focus on the five you have, if a right man who is right for you comes along in future you dont need to have kids with them to be happy. They will accept the five you have & treat them like their own.

ur prob right 😔 i no deep down its not a proper relationship, i just didnt wanna face it. i kept hopin he’d change but hes shown me enough times now he wont.

i will 100% be focusin on my kids, they’re my world. i think tubes tied is prob the best thing, cos i cant keep puttin myself n them thru this. i just need to get my head round doin it all alone again, feels scary but i no i can cos iv done it before.

Thats the completely right mentality to have, youve done this before you don’t need him fucking up your head it will just make things worse for you.
Do something nice for yourself, every time you think about him and his fuckery and it will get easier I promise. You don’t need a man to be happy in life especially one that behaves like a little boy.

thank u 💗 ur right i dont need him messin with my head, its drained me enough already. i’m gonna try focus on me n the kids n not what hes doin or not doin. i like the idea of doin somethin nice for myself when i start thinkin about him, even if its just a cuppa n watchin somethin on tv in peace 😂 small things but it helps.

@FindingMyFeet89 Did you ever sort your boy going to college or starting work or an apprenticeship?

yeah he started college last week 😊 sports course. its a big change for him but he seems happy with it so far, just gettin used to the long days n travel.

I’m glad to hear this.

I also had been wondering how your oldest boy was getting on at college, @FindingMyFeet89. Very glad to hear he’s settling in. You must feel proud of how you were able to support him through his moment of uncertainty.

And now you’re going to have to do the same thing another four times … Honestly you have enough to think about without some worthless man causing you stress. Are you letting him hang around in the hope he might step up once the baby is born? Because you do know you don’t have to let him in and have him sprawled on your sofa chatting to his mates.

You could just say no.

I’m sorry but he’s not your boyfriend. He clearly has absolutely no interest in family life or this baby and will not be supporting you. As others have said you need to be planning for being a single mum to 5. That means sorting childcare and school runs for when you go into labour. For doing meals, school runs, washing ect for your younger kids whilst being the only one looking after your newborn.

if you are looking for a fairytale ending, I’m ver y sorry but I don’t think it’s likely. Your reality is going to be managing 5 kids on your own.

Make sure you have all the details needed to put a cms application in. I don’t know how it works if he’s not on the birth certificate? And let’s be honest, he won’t be on the birth certificate if he can’t be arsed to turn up for a scan and he would have to turn up to register the birth as you are not married you can’t put him on yourself,

how you are you feeling today @FindingMyFeet89?