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Lone parents

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Original poster

Can anyone relate to this?

16 replies

MonsterBoo · 10/09/2025 11:59

Does anyone else feel sad they won’t get experience now of raising a child in a loving relationship? Can anyone relate to this or is it silly to feel this way?

OP posts:
RealPerson · 10/09/2025 12:14

I used to feel like that but when my DC got older I just wished I had been a happier mum to them. When they started growing up and I was single for a while I started to see that it's just my relationship with my kids that matters a lot more than the relationship with their father

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/09/2025 12:15

I relate so hard. I miss out so much on not having that ‘three way’ love of a loving couple, each parent loving their child and of all of us being a unit.

however whenever I start fantasing about this I try to force myself to remember the relationship reality and how mean my ex often was to me and if we were together I would be very unhappy

Original poster
MonsterBoo · 10/09/2025 12:17

Sorry to clarify I’m not talking about exes I mean with another man that is decent though I won’t be having anymore so I’m sad I won’t ever experience that, hope that makes more sense.

OP posts:
HipTightOnions · 10/09/2025 12:23

RealPerson · 10/09/2025 12:14

I used to feel like that but when my DC got older I just wished I had been a happier mum to them. When they started growing up and I was single for a while I started to see that it's just my relationship with my kids that matters a lot more than the relationship with their father

Edited

Seconded.

fedup078 · 10/09/2025 12:42

Yeah I get it op. I’m too old to have anymore . I have a bf but we don’t live together and doubt we ever will . (My choice) Think it would be different if we could’ve had a child together .

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 12:54

Sure, but my children are my loving relationship. So are my friends. And with myself. I don't want men in my life anymore. I want to focus on children and friendships and prospects and enjoyment of life.

Original poster
MonsterBoo · 10/09/2025 12:56

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 12:54

Sure, but my children are my loving relationship. So are my friends. And with myself. I don't want men in my life anymore. I want to focus on children and friendships and prospects and enjoyment of life.

Yes that's fine that you don't relate was just wondering if anyone else does

OP posts:
Original poster
MonsterBoo · 10/09/2025 12:57

fedup078 · 10/09/2025 12:42

Yeah I get it op. I’m too old to have anymore . I have a bf but we don’t live together and doubt we ever will . (My choice) Think it would be different if we could’ve had a child together .

I'm 36 so there is time I guess but I won't be having anymore I just feel sad now as this isn't what I would have chosen

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 10/09/2025 12:59

Yes I'd have loved that but my husbands didn't want that or a family or our life together. I have yet to find anyone who does. I brought DS up alone and it just had to be enough.

Stressymadre · 10/09/2025 12:59

I get this. I have two wonderful DC and a partner of 5 years who has no children of his own. He'd love kids but he's nearly 46, im nearly 42. I get sad that I won't get to experience being a mum with him there to support me (my exH was far from good!) and that he won't get to be a dad. But... if I'm honest the main reason we won't have kids is more that I can't put my two DC through it. It would impact our lives so much and they have had things hard enough already. Their dad moved on and has had another child and although they love him, they really struggle with getting no quality time with their dad and everything revolving round the needs of a 3 year old.

Original poster
MonsterBoo · 10/09/2025 13:13

I feel bad for my children not experiencing having a loving father, I look back at baby pictures and think how nice it would have been to have shared those times with someone all the cute little milestones that only parents really care about!

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 10/09/2025 13:26

I'm not sure they exist except in fairytales OP.

I watched my parents live through a 40 year marriage in which they raised 6 children. They certainly weren't happy.

Looking around my siblings, friends and colleagues, I can only point to one couple out of maybe 100, who are genuinely united in their love for each other and their two children. And they're only 10 years in.

I've achieved a happy, cheerful, confident teen. That gives me joy, and is not worth risking in the pursuit of a man.

Original poster
MonsterBoo · 10/09/2025 13:27

Meadowfinch · 10/09/2025 13:26

I'm not sure they exist except in fairytales OP.

I watched my parents live through a 40 year marriage in which they raised 6 children. They certainly weren't happy.

Looking around my siblings, friends and colleagues, I can only point to one couple out of maybe 100, who are genuinely united in their love for each other and their two children. And they're only 10 years in.

I've achieved a happy, cheerful, confident teen. That gives me joy, and is not worth risking in the pursuit of a man.

That's fine I don't believe that all couples are miserable and unhappy either so I guess we will have to agree to disagree.

OP posts:
anotherlonelynight · 10/09/2025 14:03

Yes I do. I raised my eldest in what I thought was a loving and stable marriage and I miss it wholeheartedly but children 2&3 (twins) will never experience that (same dad but left when they were babies).

that being said my eldest - because she remembers “before” when we were a complete family unit she hates her dad even more now. The twins as they don’t remember see him through rose tinted glasses

Onthebusses · 10/09/2025 14:09

MonsterBoo · 10/09/2025 12:56

Yes that's fine that you don't relate was just wondering if anyone else does

Show quote history

I can relate to wanting romantic love as I have in the past wanted it. I don't feel I need it now though. Do you need it to feel complete or fulfilled? I did but that stopped when I realised it's not necessary and that real love is true friendship and children.

Original poster
MonsterBoo · 10/09/2025 15:14

I have friends but it isn't the same and they are not particularly interested in my children anyway

OP posts:
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