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"I don't want to come home with you, you're horrible, I wan't to stay with Daddy"

13 replies

mypandasgotcrabs · 01/06/2008 19:53

Is what ds1 said to me today when I picked them up from xp's. I wasn't expecting that for another couple of years yet.

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SmugColditz · 01/06/2008 19:57

JKust say "Oh well, never mind, you live with me and you're stuck with it"

for you though

Blondilocks · 01/06/2008 19:59

It's horrible & hurtful when they say things like that.

You just need to tell yourself that they don't know what they're saying.

tissy · 01/06/2008 19:59

"That's a shame because I love you very much even when you're being nasty to me"

usgirls · 01/06/2008 20:12

Is it just a case of daddy being more fun because he's not the primary carer and therefore has the time/energy to entertain them, or is your xp putting you down to your dcs? Because if it's the latter, you need to hire a hitman immediately, sit down and have it out with him, the real losers in that situation are the poor dcs.

mypandasgotcrabs · 01/06/2008 20:14

Think I said somehting along the lines of all those! It's hard when you try your best, well actually do nothing different really to what you ever have done, but they get seduced by games consoles.

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chipkid · 01/06/2008 20:18

I think children of this age find transitions hard-it is emotionally difficult for them and they always hit those they love most the hardest! It is only because he is so confident in your love for him that he feels safe enough to say these things-my children aged 3 and 6 say these things to me too and I live with their father!
hoping that it gets easier x

mypandasgotcrabs · 01/06/2008 20:21

usgirls, he did used to slag me off to them, but he seems to be over that now. I think though the main reason is that yes, being the primary carer I get a lot more 'boring' time than 'fun' time, daddy's more fun. i.e. daddy has ps3, x-box & wii & lets him play them as and when he likes, and also buys them McDonalds or takes them to the pub for dinner, whereas I'm horrible because we sit at the table for dinner, all eat the same things & just "having dinner is boring & you're nasty making me have dinner". I did offer to either a) let him eat crap all day so that he gets fat, or b) not bother with dinner so that he gets malnourished & has to go into hospital.

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mypandasgotcrabs · 01/06/2008 20:24

Thanks chipkid, the transition has just been stepped up last week as we moved house & he starts a new school tomorrow (something which he has been very excited about).

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usgirls · 01/06/2008 20:41

It's hard when you're the one trying to keep evrything together (and your dc's properly nourished) and then fun daddy swoops in for a few hours and you end up with that kind of comment. I've only been on my own for a few months with my dd, and she's not talking yet, but I'm aware that when she sees her daddy it's full on and she gets the kind of attention I try very hard to give her, but which isn't always possible every minute of the day. She actually fell asleep in her highchair tonight after he brought her home, but still had her mouth open for food, (multi-tasking at 11 months, what a girl!). I did get the most beautiful smile and biggest hug when she came home though.

usgirls · 01/06/2008 20:57

Sadly though, she didn't grace her daddy with one of her notorious toxic poos while he had her. She saved that honour for me.

mypandasgotcrabs · 06/06/2008 22:53

"I want you out of my life" is the latest from him today. He was particularly 'difficult' today when I got home from work (another sudden change, as started working the week before we moved). He's told me that he's going to escape and never come back.

I don't know if it's all the recent upheaval that's making him behave this way, or in defiance against ds2. ds1 has always been really well behaved, have never had any problems wiht him whatsoever, ds2, however, is a 'handful' and so gets a lot of attention. I can't ignore his bad behaviour as he will then start doing something dangerous or will start attacking ds1, so notsure if ds1 is behaving like this because he sees ds2 getting lots of attention from me, and he wants a piece of it, rather than just the 1/2 hr we get in the evening once ds2 is in bed, or if this behaviour is a reaction to all the recent changes. Maybe a combnation of them both. Whatever, I know it's really hard to deal wiht. I'm treating the comments with "ah well" and just moving on, but I'm suddenly having to actually discipline him, which at 6.5 yrs old is difficult as I've never had to do it before.

Plus, what makes it worse is that he's gettng really angry (both xp & I have bad, bad tempers) and when he gets angry is the spit of his dad when he gets angry. So red mist descends on me & I'm having to fight myslef to stop reacting to that image .

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1066andallthat · 07/06/2008 07:01

Ah - he's a baby, still. And those are a lot of changes. My two sound very similar to yours and yes, I get this from my eldest, just 6.

Can you plan something nice to do together, now you're working - a treat to look forward to? Legoland?

Try describing his behaviour back to him - mind you, I once told mine that being told I was naughty/nasty made me sad and he retorted not getting the dinosaur/go-go/piece of plastic tat made him sad, too .

With having moved house, can he and you redecorate his new room or his part of it?

Do you get any time for yourself? Being on the brunt of this is very hard and feels so unfair at times. Take support - take time out for yourself and walk away when you are getting sucked in - all easier said than done.

mypandasgotcrabs · 08/06/2008 19:50

Thanks 1066. It's reassuring when you know you're not alone with this behaviour (not so great for you though!) Unfortunately I only have 15 hours at work, hopefully will be getting that extra hour soon, so it really doesn't make me any better off, and I now have to pay for the boys to have fish & chips for dinner the days I work, as they're always ill when my mum cooks for them (but that's a whole different story!). We have been 'exploring' the local area today though, and they had a great time, making new friends etc. I think, for now, for incentives I will let him have friends round after school or old school friends for a sleepover.

He did start a little when we got home today, literally the second we walked through the gate, his behaviour changed. I just said that I hadn't needed to shout at him all afternoon, and didn't want to have to start shouting now. Seemed to work, had to remind him a couple fo times that I didn't want to shout.

I do try to get as much time to msyself as I can. When they're at their dads I try to get out with friends, or have a few drinks in with friends. Last night was at Wembley seeing Foo Fighters (hence the poor spelling/grammar etc, absolutely shattered!). You're right about walking away & taking time out for myself, but as you say can be hard to do.

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