New mum to a little boy and looking for someone to talk to

[Newmum1998x]

Evening All,

My little boy was born on the 6th of August and this may seem a bit silly but I’m just looking for someone to chat / rant to. Ever since my long term partner of nearly 5 years left me at 6 months pregnant and kicked me out of his house with no notice I’ve been struggling. I love my little boy and I certainly didn’t expect anything like this to happen to me. My ex hasn’t been supportive during my pregnancy and not once asked how he can help or if I’m coping ok following our son’s birth. I gave birth with just my mum by my side via a c section and I registered my son last Wednesday leaving my ex off the birth certificate. I’ve applied for CMS and still waiting to hear back. My ex hasn’t seen our son yet.

I still cannot get my head around my exes actions and how he still hasn’t stepped up to become a dad, he’s 31 and I am 27. I told him to go through mediation so I could get an exemption and if he was prepared to step up then the only option is court due to safe guarding concerns and his behaviour towards me. I feel stupid that I still love him (more than likely the hormones) but I also have enough self respect to know that what he has done is unforgivable. I stare at my son and think I wanted a happy family not any of this, his nursery is in storage because I have no room. I’ve had to secure a mortgage and my house isn’t ready until the end of the year so I’m currently living at my mums house (previous post about this).

I don’t think I’m depressed, I’m just going through the thick of being a new mum as a single parent. I want the best for my son but I also want a father figure for him and I’m worried I’ll never trust another man again. Let alone will anyone actually want me with a son. My full attention is on my son but every now and then I think to myself am I even worth it.

You can do this - I’m a solo parent by choice and at times it is isolating but you can also make loads of new friends through your kids as well. I’ve got friends I met at local coffee shops / the butchers with kids the same age I just got chatting to - and at baby classes and at nursery. On most area there are also WhatsApp groups etc for local mums / parents. Just start step by step creating your IRL village.

Thank you, I’m struggling meeting new mums my age or just within the area. I tried the Peanut app but not much luck. I just don’t want to feel and be alone forever. My ex is a POS and couldn’t care less about me and he was my best friend for years. I have two close friends but not with kids my age or that much spare time these days.

I was in a different situation to you but just wanted to share some ideas for where to meet some other new mum friends. We moved to our area 6 weeks before my due date so I didn’t know anyone, but found the following useful:

Church groups - I’m not religious and they were all welcoming to everyone and there was no religious component to the groups - check out their websites.

Baby swimming classes (more for you to possibly meet other mums than for baby)

Paid-for activities like baby sensory, baby massage etc - again, I felt they were more for mums as the babies all seemed oblivious!

SureStart children’s centres may still have Nurture groups for new mums - ask your HV

If you are on Facebook find the general news ones for your area and either search the page or ask if anyone can recommend some baby groups.

Remember that some groups may be a better fit for you than others so do try a few different groups out, and don’t be put off if the first one or two aren’t your thing or the people don’t feel friendly.

Sometimes just going to somewhere like a cafe and being around others would lift my spirits a little on a lonely day when DS was tiny.

Hang in there - it will get better 🙂

Thank you, I’m worried I’ll bump into my exes family when out and about.

I hope my little boy knows who was there from day 1. My ex said it’s killing him that he missed his birth and his first milestones but he’s shown zero effort.

Church groups is a good shout but they might be stopped for the summer. Keep an eye on local Facebook pages and you’ll maybe see when they start again.

can you ask your health visitor for a list?

Oh and congratulations!