Birthdays

[Steffani87]

Ok I have a very high conflict ex who thinks he's entitled to the world with his new fiancé.
We have three children together ds 15(wed) ds 11 and DD 6.
I have never not had my kids on their birthday, this year he has booked a trip with the boys on our daughter's birthday and the day after is our son's 12th birthday (they are a day apart). He is also having the kids this week and wanted to have them over our eldest birthday and I said no (we are still going through solicitors at the moment) and told him it is not fair on our son as he won't be able to see his friends on his birthday as dad lives too far away.
He has already booked his holiday next year and wants the children again over his birthday.
I understand he wants to see the children over the summer and I had agreed to him having two weeks but not over the kids birthdays. He is now pushing for it.

I believe that it should be what the children want to do but at the same time I do want to see my kids on their birthday.
How can I deal with this as fairly as possible without him having them every single year and every single birthday.
Also to be fair he only seems to want to keep the older son happy as he now has a step son a similar age who doesn't have any friends (hence booking a day trip to London with our son's on their sister's birthday)

Help please!

So update on this, my STBXH has told my solicitor he wants the children for two weeks next summer over our eldest 16th birthday and as both our younger children's birthday fall on his weekend he is having them then too.
I believe this is totally unfair but don't know how to agree a fairer solution. He had the children for half a day over eldest birthday this summer too which means this year I get half a birthday and if we stick to the same weekends I will have 1 birthday next year.

Can anyone help with a fairer solution to this?

Sorry you haven't had any replies. If it isn't too late, my court order states that I have the kids for their birthday on odd years, 2025, 2027, 2029, and ex has them even year, 2026, 2028 and so on. The times are clearly set for handovers in the court order. That way I can plan for next year for when I will celebrate their birthdays as I won't have the kids. It's an awful thought to not have the kids on their birthdays and next year will be my first time, and I know ex won't allow phone calls or anything like that, so I know I will just make it special for them on another day.

My daughter just turned 5yrs and since he got into a new relationship in summer he has not seen her. The contact before then was not great he would promise was gonna sort himself out for us….. but then committed to youth football and barely had any time for her. She’s spent months crying for daddy to come home but now settled.

I’m struggling to cover all outgoings financially and tried numerous times to make maintenance agreement but in end have had to make claim to child maintenance. I now regret it as out of blue has messaged saying i need to see my daughter and will be taking her out on christmas day to give her presents. I’m going to say no but it breaks my heart that i’m stuck doing the day to day hard work and he can then go to court for an order to allow him to share birthdays and christmas. All I wanted was a happy family life and he’s walked away - we fell apart as he was rude and racist about my older daughter who is mixed race, I just couldn’t tolerate it and owes it to her to stand up for what was right and wrong. He now has a supportive partner and her child and has been heard telling people they are all a family now and want to include our 5yr old. Also my family have been so supportive financially too and times such as boxing day we get together and i can’t imagine having to explain to elderly grandmother or my auntie that i am not allowed to bring youngest daughter with me.