Exs new partner is to much

[Saiditallagain]

I have 3 teens who are with me 90% of the time. My ex and I were together a long time. We split a few years ago. All was ok until he met his fiancée. She makes up all decisions around what he does with the kids, rules when he sees them etc. One of my teens doesn’t want to stay at their home but they are insistent this carries on. Me and my ex seem to make agreements about changes in routine etc which is all fine until she gets involved and always decides the opposite. She is also really demanding with me initially turning up at my work unannounced to introduce herself, sending me emails about conversations I have had with my ex that haven’t involved her, writing his messages to me. I’m just finding her to much. What can I do?

I would explain that you will no longer be responding to or communicating with any one but your child’s father when it comes to any discussion about the children. I would suggest getting a parenting app and restricting all communication via that.
Blocking her number if necessary.
As for one of your teens not wanting to go. Don’t send them . No court will obligate a teenager to spend time with a parent /step parent that they don’t wish to spend time with. So they can ‘insist’ all they like but you don’t need to get involved. Perhaps your teen could suggest a meet up outside the home just with their father.

Teen doesnt want to go do not send them. Ex makes a plan and then it changes, again do not send them unless they want to go. Block her from everywhere she is nothing to you or your life and as he only sees the kids 10% of the time he should be solely making plans now with them and leaving you out of it. She has no reason to speak to you nor you to her and let that be known. If he wants to be controlled by her all power to him but she doesnt control you. Remind him of this.

Thank you I’m so tired of her. Can I work it that they don’t stay there and he just does days out without her. Or would I have to go through the courts for something like that?

Is that what all the teens would like? If so they need to say that. You can't do it just to avoid contact with the fiancée.

You really don't need court approval for teens to make their own decisions.. When my dc started secondary school I just ignored all texts from their df... Had had years of his controlling behaviour..

I’m just really wary of her behaviour at this point. They all have varying opinions. One would rather just be at home. The others just want a relationship with their dad. But are mindful of the reactions from her/him I think.

The teens can vote with their feet, support them. Do you have a voluntary arrangement now for contact? If so, you can vary it anytime without court. Explain to your ex this behaviour is pushing the kids away.

Tell your ex you will only discuss the kids with him. Set a filter on your email to put anything from her in a folder. I wouldn't block her as it involves your kids so you need to know what she's saying. If she tries to approach you in person just say you can't discuss the kids with her.

Similar he was discreetly this way with me now it seems to be her more obviously. I don’t think he would just accept me ignoring him though!

Honestly he can't do anything! Block him. It's very liberating!!

I would ignore her. The kids are old enough to make their own decisions too.

My ex was peevish as hell when we separating, demanding 50/50 even though he worked FT and I worked PT so they spent much of his time with his parents. When I say he hates me I mean it, properly slagged me off for the next 10 years. He has a best friend that is a solicitor so of course he utilised that.

However, eldest stopped contact (I made her tell him herself) at 14 and he didn’t take me back to court. Youngest stopped contact at 15 (again I made them tell him) and he didn’t take me to court. Despite the fact that he had cheap or free legal help and hated me and previously took me to court. I believe this is because he knew that at age 14 and 15 that the courts would take their wishes into account. If your children are a similar age then just tell them it’s their decision whether they go and just tell him that they don’t want to come. Block her, you’ve no responsibility to her whatsoever especially if they’re not yet married. I doubt they’ll take you to court and if they do Cafcass will ask your kids what they want. As stressful as family court is you can get it in writing that there’s set days, set rules, who can contact each other etc. It was better after we had been tbh because everyone knew where they stood with no ambiguity.

God , she sounds awful ..
Can’t believe your husband is marrying this one ..
They won’t have a happy ever after either .
Did you leave him , like was she a rebound thing for him ?

Some men love to be micro managed. It saves them bothering.

It doesn't matter if he accepts it or not. Do your teens have their own phones? He can make arrangements directly with them and they can decide.

Id just tell her going forward you only want to speak to your ex and ignore any further communication from her.
as they are teens, even if went to court the court would side with what they want so they cant force them to stay with them.

Also the app a pp mentioned would limit contact.

Thank you for all the useful advice she is now blocked on everything let’s hope that works! She makes me feel like I’m the crazy one you have all made me feel much better.

As
for the court question. The answer is no .
YOU don’t need to do anything ! He is the one who will have to go to court and then they will ask the teens what THEY want. No family court will make them do anything they don’t want to.. the cost and hassle is down to him and it will be a complete waste of his time and money

If you have teens you don’t need to be involved. You can block her and they can work things out with their dad direct.