Doing it alone all summer again..!

[icantgetnosheep1]

Year 3 post split from my ExH and so far throughout the summer holidays he’s had the kids not once! Called yesterday to speak about access to the office (needs the key) said he was out golfing over the weekend etc .. will drive over Tuesday to collect the key. We both work (fortunately me - remotely). It just doesn’t enter his head to actually spend time with them and give me a break! The boys are now teens so easier to manage and we all rub along well together. I took them away for a week last week abroad and we have an activity festival/camping coming up the last week in August. If I didn’t plan stuff they’d be doing nothing, this grates on me every year. I actually mentioned it the first year and ExH acknowledged he’d done nothing and would try harder.. sigh 😞 It’s so annoying that he’s free to do as he pleases, the extra expense falls on me and the mum guilt I feel not being able to do much Mon-Thursdays when I’m trying to work around them is immense. I try my best but just feel overwhelmed sometimes. Can anyone relate? As a side note: they actually don’t give a hoot he’s not interested, even when we were together he did very little with them so I’m not really surprised by his lack of effort.

Have you asked him to take them out while you’re working? Or is he at work Monday- Thursday?

It’s very hard when it comes to the summer. It’s my first summer as a lone parent and despite him never having done much anyway, it’s different when you’re alone all the time, without an extra pair of hands. You have my sympathies.

I’d detach from him and design your life around you and your needs. I say this as a widow who has no choice but to do it all alone and make it work! Get your own downtime regularly. Hire a babysitter if you need to, work more hours to afford the babysitter if you need to, adjust your working hours so you get regular downtime without the kids around, farm them off to grandparents or do whatever you have to do to make your life work for you. You can spend your life being resentful with your ex or you can take ownership of your life.

PS not saying it isn’t hard! Just use the anger to fuel you to find something better for yourself.

Why is he able to be in touch with you to ask for a key??

Tell him to parent his kids and not to contact you again 😭

You need to let that guilt go. I know it’s hard to do but keep telling yourself that you’re doing your absolute best for your children. You’ve taken them away, you’ve booked a festival and you’re working to keep a roof over their heads. The guilt should be with their father who has done nothing. To paraphrase the wonderfully strong Gisele Pelicot, let the guilt switch sides.

I try to remind myself often how far we’ve come, what I’m able to provide and let go of the resentment. I just struggle with the fact he gives no f*cks! Golfing and working seems to be his life, meanwhile I’m holding it all together to raise the boys. My parents are long gone so no support there, MIL is too old and frail not mention 150 miles away. He’s also moved back that way so not round the corner (suits me not seeing him Sainsburys) 😆 I just don’t get how someone could be such a frigging disappointment. Hey ho.. we live and learn.