How do you get two young children to bed as a single parent??

[caityvh]

Genuine question - how on earth are you getting two young children to bed/sleep as just one parent? What is your routine? What works?

I have a 3 year old and 1 year old and it’s impossible. So many years and tantrums, one setting the other off constantly. My 3 year old is autistic and bedtimes have always been a problem, but it’s taking hours for both to settle.

any tricks/tips?
they’re in different rooms but thin walls.

note - newly single parent

I have a 3 year old and an 8 month old. I’m not a single parent but alone for long stints due to DH work so do bedtime alone a lot! We eat tea together, I tend to finish first so I completely tidy up and tidy the kitchen etc so I don’t come down to mess. I then clean the children up, we go upstairs and into the 3yo bedroom. Get that ready (curtains closed lamp on etc) and gather her stuff, into baby room and do the same. Into bath, both washed. Baby out and nappy and pjs on, crawls around bathroom whilst I brush teeth on 3yo. 3yo gets pull up and pjs on.

Into 3yo room, read stories, sing her a song, leave her room.

Into babies room, into sleeping bag, feed and bed.

Downstairs by 7.15/7.30 pm exhausted very happy to have previously cleaned kitchen! It’s like a military op from 5.45 when tea is served to then.

I have coached both my children to fall asleep independently (gently) though so that is a huge help to me but I needed to in order to survive. It’s exhausting - and I don’t have the additional challenge of autism! So I can only imagine that makes it harder.

I have twins and an older one, not single but do a lot of solo bedtimes. Older one watches some quiet, calm tv for 20m, younger two get milk, a story and teeth simultaneously in a darkened room and then into bed. Then older one has the same. Anyone wandering around after bedtime is turned back around! We don’t do the wee / drink fandango in this house and they soon learn they can’t stretch things out that way.

Could something like a yoto help the three year old? (Not cheap I know)

Would add, before I start proceedings the milk, clothes, toothbrushes, story etc is all where I need it, so the routine runs like clockwork.

Go to The New Learning Centre website and follow their timeless advice religiously.

You will set yourself up for a lifetime of healthy relationships with your kids.

http://tnlc.info

I’m not a single parent but I do have to do solo bedtimes. And it takes ages.

Our routine is

DS (4) has a shower at half six. Then had eczema cream on, pyjamas on, listens to Yoto player in bedroom while DD (2) has a bath and then has her teeth done, pyjamas and stories. I then leave DD in her cot to go to sleep while I read DS stories and do his teeth. It sounds straightforward but there’s a lot of shooing DS out of DDs room, a lot of pinging back to DD to settle her in ds’s story time. I hate it to be honest but it’s a LOT easier than it was this time last year when they were three and one if that helps.

Neither of my children are autistic so I'm not sure if this will help. But I have a 3year 2 month old and a 23 month old, and they share a room. Do the bedtime routine together, put them to bed (eldest in toddler bed, youngest in cot, next to each other with slight gap). Never had any tears, they chat to each other a little bit before falling asleep. I think they comfort each other.

Upstairs together.
Both in the bath.
Take the baby out first and get them dry and in PJ's.
Take the older one out and help them dry and get PJ's on while baby plays.
All snuggle in together for milk and stories.
Brush teeth.
Put older one into bed with an audio book or a few quiet toys/stickers (if it's desperate times I'd even offer an iPad) and promise to come back once the baby is asleep.
Put baby to bed.
Come back for three year old.

That's how I'd aim to do it.

When I was doing solo bedtimes I used to put both of them in my bed with me in the middle. I'd do bedtime stories for both of them and then the little one would have a BF before falling asleep whilst the older one watched a bit of Baby TV (lullabies etc to wind down nicely for bedtime).

I'd let them fall asleep in my bed and then moved them into their rooms when they were properly asleep.

It was the routine that worked best for us.

this is what worked for me in this situation at those ages.

Wash and teeth cleaned and PJs. All sit together on my bed for a story, a long chapter book type story not a picture book for them to point and poke at. I’d feed the baby and the older one would sit next to us snuggled up. If I managed to feed the baby to sleep on my bed we’d roll off and I’d take the older one to their room for some snuggles and settling. If the baby didn’t fall asleep I’d put them in their cot and then put the older one in bed with snuggles and start an audiobook, go back to the younger. Who was usually angry but that’s OK it won’t hurt them, and occasionally they would fall asleep themselves. I’d sometiems take the younger back downstairs and try again in an hour or two because they were unpredictable with their waking times anyway and I didn’t want them to wake older. if they fell asleep on my bed I’d just let them stay there for the night with me.

The younger had a music projector thing they liked so could be entertained by that for a bit with stars on the ceiling and the older liked the audiobooks.

I'm a single parent with a 2 and 3 year old who share a room. I think the key is having a really structured routine so they know what to expect. I get them involved too, fetching their own pjs, toothbrushes, choosing story books etc.

I also don't stand for any nonsense as PP have mentioned, so they know not to push it too much! My youngest recently transitioned to a bed and the new found freedom sent him off the rails a bit, so I put a baby gate on their bedroom door and got them a reward chart each for staying in their beds all night.

It's a bloody ordeal though! Solidarity OP.

It reassuring to know its not just me! I'm not single but do 5 out of 7 bedtimes on my own. I have a 6yo with ASD/probable ADHD (which I have) and a 4yo and 2yo. All have very different needs at bedtime and its impossible. Just impossible. I've never cracked it in the year I've been doing it solo. (and even when my DP is here we aren't much better). Cuddling all on the "big bed" or sofa is the best if they are ready. They can then be redistributed later! Never get done until after 10pm, often 11pm! Not feeling healthy these days. Would still love tips, but have to accept that this is the way its going to be for a few years.