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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Xp is such a twat

19 replies

LegallyBrunette78 · 28/05/2008 19:15

He dropped the kids back earlier, and asked me if I'd managed to get what I wanted for my interview on Friday.

I said yes, and then told him that if I got offered the job, I would be expecting him to have the kids for alot of the summer holidays, as i'd not be able to book them off having just started.

He wasn't impressed, said he might have plans, so I said that I wasn't paying for childcare when he wasn't working and so should be avialable to have them.

The he asked me what would happen to my benefits if I got the job. I said i'd hardley get any, and he said 'well your fucking stupid then aren't you'.

I said 'what, because I want to better myself, and have my kids be proud of me rather than sit on my arse like you and your family'.

He took offence at that, started waffling on about how he'd worked for years doing xyz (true), and that he was entitled to a break (hilarious), and that seeing as I have never been able to hold down a job, I had no room to talk.

What a twat. I had a job when I met him, but he wanted me to give it up when I moved in with him, and stupidly I did.
I then worked as a childminder whilst suffering with pnd, whilst he moaned at me for having other peoples kids in the house. He wasn't working at that point because he'd chosen to give his job up.

I then tried to find various part time work over the years, but he always had some problem or other with the hours, or location or just me generally having a job.
Then I worked at Wilkinsons, which I had to give up when we split up.

He is such a waste of space.

OP posts:
PersonalClown · 28/05/2008 19:21

Of course he's a waste of space. That's why he's your XP.

Leave him to his insecurites and be proud of yourself.

IllegallyBrunette · 28/05/2008 19:23

True

Tis still me by the way, trying another name lol.

tammybear · 28/05/2008 19:26

Good luck with your interview!

Don't fret over this, focus on your interview, and how you're going to nail it.

In regards to childcare, once you start working, you'll be able to claim Working Tax Credit which should be able to help you out with the costs of it depending on your circumstances. I know it's easier for you to have your XP look after them, but sounds to me like he's being childish and jealous that you're doing something with your life.

IllegallyBrunette · 28/05/2008 19:30

I think you are right TB (long time no speak, how are you ? tis nutty b y the way).

I will forget about himk and focus on the interview.

tammybear · 28/05/2008 19:32

Hehe I saw your other thread so had to say something I've been great, still lurk on here now and again lol.

But deffo, you focus on your future right now, stay positive and I shall be sending every good luck charm I possibly can to ya!

IllegallyBrunette · 28/05/2008 19:32

Aww thanks. Glad to hear that things with you are good

stitch · 28/05/2008 19:33

nutty we all know he is a waste of space.
you need to stop interacting with him. dont converse with him. he isnt worth it.

wooga · 28/05/2008 20:03

Don't let him spoil things for you,you should be proud of yourself.

If your exp is unreliable and out to spoil things,I'd go with what tammybear said-you don't need the stress of whether ex will have the kids or not-he won't be able to hold it over you either!

Well done and good luck!

LIZS · 28/05/2008 20:08

good reply ! Rise above it - he's lost control of you and can't accept it. You've seen the lazy ar$e for what he is and he isn't worth wasting any more energy on. If he wants to be a pathetic leech leave him to it and I bet he won't have any other plans as that would require initiative and money.

It would be better if you weren't reliant upon him for childcare as I suspect he will use that to undermine your confidence and make you beholden to him again. You may find a subsidised scheme locally and you will be entitled to some leave.

Good luck for Friday

IllegallyBrunette · 28/05/2008 20:54

You are exaxctly right Liz, he has lost control of me, and he hates it.

I have to be honest, I would prefer it if the kids didn't have to go to him at all, more than our normal arrangements.

Have just spoken to my mum and she is going to try and make sure that she always works weekends (she mostly does anyway), and then she will only have 2 shifts during the week.
She has said she is more than happy to have them on her days off, and after school if needed, and then I will try and see about finding them places in a playscheme or something, for a couple of days a week in the holidays.

It makes me so angry though that my mum needs to give up her free time to care for my kids, when their dad has all the free time in the world to have them. My mum doesn't mind, but that isn't the point is it.

Thanks for the luck, am nervous as hell.

MascaraOHara · 28/05/2008 20:59

Excelelnt to hear you got ajob you wanted! well done.. he is a knob and it's all about control. You are better than him, just take to looking down your nose at him. he will hate it

IllegallyBrunette · 28/05/2008 21:00

Not got it yet Mascara, but thanks anyway

MascaraOHara · 28/05/2008 21:04

Oh sorry, must have misread! I'm sure you will get it though

misdee · 28/05/2008 21:07

oh a job interview. where for?

you sound so much more positive these days btw

its like we have the old you back

IllegallyBrunette · 28/05/2008 21:07

I will take it as a sign that it is meant to be then Mascara

davidtennantsmistress · 28/05/2008 21:16

oooooooooooohhhhhhhh tammy bear's back!! yay!

(sorry hijack over)

good luck with your interview you go girl, n knock them dead. as said prev, he's your ex for a reason, so you get out there and be proud of yourself.

gillybean2 · 29/05/2008 14:08

Find out about after school activities you might be able to send your children (swimming, music, football). Also breakfast and afterschool clubs are quite reasonable usually and you can claim up to 80% if it back when on WTC & CTC.

Hol clubs can be a godsend too. My son goes to a couple of very good ones and as I only pay 20% of it I look at it that's cheaper than taking him out for the day to do something and he's being kept busy and active and not watching tv or playing video games all day while i'm at work.

If your mum can help you out that's great. But don't feel shy about asking your employer for flexible hours. Remember you only have to work 16 hours to qualify for WTC and CTC and those hours can fit in to school hours. (eg 4 days @4 hours). Course the more hours you can work the more it 'compensates' for the loss of benefits, council tax and housing benefits are the biggest to deal with. The WTC will probably be around the same as you got for Income Support.

Go to the job centre and see your lone parent adviser. They will be able to help you work out the figures and let you know if and by how much you will be better off.

Good luck at your interview!
Gilly

fransmom · 29/05/2008 17:17

i had to start reading this thread as i thougth it was a thread i had started (xp also being a wotsit) lol

you're right tho. once he realises he has lost control, as does xp, he will try everything under the sun to make sure you have no life outside the children. it may be difficult, but once you sit down and have good unemotional think about things, you will see that there are ways round everything. maybe you could book appt to see lone parent advsier or see someone at the local citizens adviec bureau? you will be fine sweetheart, you may have to find new ways of thinking esp as your x has controlled you r life to soem extent before your split, but you will feel so much better for knowing that you can stand on your own two feet, you are stronger without him and that you can and will cope

good luck for interview sweetheart

tammybear · 03/06/2008 11:22

How was your interview? x

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