how do u stop feeling like ur kids deserve better than u

[ChangingChances89]

not looking for pity or anything, just don’t know where else to say it.

had a quiet 10 mins earlier where they was all in their rooms or watching tv n i just sat there n felt it hit me. how much they’ve been through. how much i’ve messed up.
the dads walked off or show up when they feel like it. money’s always tight. i’m either shouting or crying or saying sorry. it’s not how i wanted it to be.

i love them more than anything in the world. i really do. i’d do anything for them. but sometimes i sit there n think is that enough? is love enough? cos sometimes it don’t feel like it is.

i see other mums do it all n i feel like i’m barely hanging on.
i didn’t grow up with a lot of good examples n i try but it’s like i’m always behind. like they got stuck with me instead of someone who actually knows what they’re doing.

not writing this for attention i swear. i just want to know if anyone else ever feels it too. like the shame is loud in your head some days.
what do u tell urself to keep going when u feel like they’d be better off without u?

x

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, it sounds like you’re holding everything together and it’s all on you. I can tell you one thing for certain, you are a great parent because you show up for them every single day. Single parenting is exhausting and you are giving them your best, that’s all you can do. They deserve better than their Dads, but that’s on them not you. You can only control your own actions, and you’re doing great xxx

thank u so much for this, honestly means a lot. just sat reading it with tears in my eyes cos i needed to hear that tonight. it does feel like it’s all on me all the time, n sometimes i wonder if they’ll look back n only see the bits i got wrong.

trying my best but feel like i’m always running on empty. u saying i’m showing up for them, i don’t know, that just hit something.
you’re right about the dads too. deep down i know it’s not my fault but i still carry it.

thank u again, really. your words helped more than u probably know xxx

I've certainly felt what you have. I've had to make peace with the things I've got wrong, mainly the person I chose to have children with! That was and will always be my biggest mistake!! Kids haven't seen him for 6 years after witnessing domestic abuse, and eventually, the family courts granted a no contact order.
What i would say is learn your limits (no shame in that) don't give yourself more than what you can handle. Anticipate when things are going to be hard and do what you can to work around it. Eg raining day, carnt get out with the kids, just allow them more screen time than normal. But most of all, be kind to yourself. Honestly, life's not as shiny as others portray. But work hard on not feeling overwhelmed (something I struggle with).

Ahh, OP I know the feeling! I feel teary when I think about whether I am doing the right thing for my child. I left my kid's abusive dad when they were baby. I'm struggling for money and using my savings. I work long hours. We live in a terrible rented house with multiple problems.

I grew up with two loving parents who owned two homes. My mum was a stay at home mum. I had siblings I did stuff with and we went on holidays abroad.

I feel like a failure. I have to tell myself I have tried to protect my child and am doing my best but it makes me feel so emotional and I wonder if I can ever give them anything close to what I had.

Sending lots of hugs your way!

I feel like this too tonight. Feel like I'm so narky all the time. Disappointed in myself - if I could just be better, more motivated, more organised, more controlled, then everything would be better for all of us. I think I probably am a bit depressed. Need to speak to GP. Anyway, you are not alone. Thanks for posting. I hope we all feel "good enough" (not perfect) soon x

I hear you ❤️