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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

so he stuffed up again, is there ANYONE who can shed some light on this so called dad.

10 replies

piratecat · 27/05/2008 12:30

hi there, (fake breezy emoticon)

after moths (yrs) of inconsistent rubbish re visits. DD finally went swimming with her dad, about 3 weeks ago.

It took alot of courage on her part. I thought we were back to the 2 week visits. So I waited all week for a call. nothing. He finally followed up this swim visit with a call 11 days after. DD, again (6 yrs)didn't wish to speak to him, which is normal, as she is only 6 and a bitnervous of the phone.

I wiated for him to suggest his plans for the weekend-he said nothing. Got off the phone and had to tell dd that he'd not mentioned it.

forward to this weekend gone, he rang friday night, said 'does she wanna see me this weekend or wot', I said, well we have a party most of the afternoon on sat', then said 'I thought last weekend was your weekend' (as in why didn't you see her, mention it, or even say you couldn't) to which he said 'oh i thought she didn't want to see me'
but he never asked.

There were lots of things i could have replied ,but i didn't i just said i had to go now ( i was on the high street on my way out without dd).

can someone tell me if he is just playing at being bothered.

Can someone affirm that he has lost the plot.

Before i lose the plot.

Any good ways I can banish his inconsistent rubbish and crap FINALLY to the bottom of a well.

DD is really angry again with him, after she made an enormous effort to try and understand his lax attitude, and with me trying to say she has to accept it.

Does he want her to hate him? Is it a get out clause?

god its so fucking boring.

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charlotte121 · 27/05/2008 12:46

Not sure what to sujest hun... why cant these fellas see what they're doing to the precious kids. Its so unfair... Your doing your best for DD which is the most important thing. In time she'll learn her dad is an absilute waste of time. x

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piratecat · 27/05/2008 13:53

i guess not then!!

ooh i could just run the fucker over

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piratecat · 27/05/2008 13:53

sorry thanks charlotte!!

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fransmom · 27/05/2008 15:39

hi pc am wondering the same thing about dd's dad.

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wildfish · 27/05/2008 15:52

Well I could add the devil's advocate here. DS mother is not far off in the attitude stakes.

But let me play two scenarios - you asked!

He is a tosser, wants out, doesn't give a f*, has no idea of what he is doing. Run him over

He is a child. He feels rejected, and goes into sulk, of macho pretence, that it is so casual and doesn't matter (e.g. he is not hurt in anyway), "was it meant to be last week, oh I was busy uhmmm painting - see how I am not pining after my child". He wants the child to show that they want him, and he is not going to make the first move. Run him over

(just joking about the run him over bit)

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gillybean2 · 27/05/2008 17:12

You said you thought you were back to the 2 week visit. Did you discuss it with your ex? And were you both clear that this is what you intended as well as what your child wanted?
He's not a mind reader. Thinking it and stating it are not the same thing. Be clear and don't leave any room for thinking. Men for the most part don't work that way.

I would suggest you make it clear that DD wants to see her dad, even though she might find it difficult to speak to him on the phone. Tell him in no uncertain terms. It is like dealing with another child in a lot of ways. be specific, set the terms (dates times etc), out clearly for him so he can't use excuses like 'oh i didn't think she wanted to see me' again.

So I suggest you tell him you want to go back to the fortnightly visits and so does his dd. Then tell him when his weekends are, write them out in a letter and ask him to let you know at least 3 days in advance if he is unable to see her on that day/weekend.

best of luck
Gilly

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DeeRiguer · 27/05/2008 17:16

i dont see why she has to accept that he is lax towards her
though i would completely understand if that was how she felt towards him

idea of writing it down 3 day notice of cancellation not a bad one to try ?

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piratecat · 28/05/2008 09:07

yes he knew it was the 2 week thing. He used the 'i thought she didn't want to see' me as an excuse, passed the buck. Back to a 6 yr old.

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piratecat · 28/05/2008 09:08

thanks, i will run him over then.

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piratecat · 28/05/2008 10:32

wildfish btw, interesting about your ex, havent come across many men on here with probs with dc's mums.

your two comparisons were quite spot on.

i wish he would make up his mind just WHAT is causing the infantile behaviour, and in themeantime I have to teach my dd new ways to be strong, and to forgive him.