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Original poster

: Ex keeps breaking contact agreement – would a court order help?

63 replies

MummyofoneT · 19/07/2025 19:25

Hi all,

I'm after some advice from anyone who's been through similar. My ex and I had a co-parenting agreement (not court-ordered) about when he drops off and picks up our daughter. Lately, he’s been completely ignoring the times we agreed — turning up late, early, and refusing to communicate, he also refused mediation. It's causing a lot of stress and making it hard to plan anything around contact days.

I've tried being reasonable and reminding him of what we agreed, but I get no response . I'm starting to wonder if it’s worth going down the route of getting a formal court order to put some structure in place.
Have any of you been through this? Did a court order actually help? Or am I overreacting and should I just try to ignore it and ride it out?
Is it actually enforceable, what are the consequences if he breaks it?. At the moment he works nights so we have a bit of an odd routine, I'm kind of worried if they get involved they might say I should have her in the week and he stays with her at weekends which would be upsetting for both of us. Can you state the pick up times you have already agreed and just get them to reinforce that or could this potentially back fire on me?

Thanks in advance — any insights or shared experiences welcome!

OP posts:
Sprogonthetyne · 19/07/2025 19:37

They can force you to make her available at set times, they won't force him to turn up.

Personally I'd make plans to go out. Get home 10 minutes before he is ment to pick her up, go out 10 minutes after if he hasn't shown up. As long as she's available at the agreed time, you've done your bit.

RandomMess · 19/07/2025 19:51

It’s done to control you so make him turning up or not inconsequential to your life & plans.

Only communicate via a court approved Co-parenting app.

Original poster
MummyofoneT · 19/07/2025 19:52

Forgot to say I'm usually dropping her off at his or he is dropping her off at mine so he doesn't really collect her from mine at all x

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/07/2025 20:37

MummyofoneT · 19/07/2025 19:52

Forgot to say I'm usually dropping her off at his or he is dropping her off at mine so he doesn't really collect her from mine at all x

So you drop her off and he's not there as he's late?

Then turn around and go home

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/07/2025 20:37

RandomMess · 19/07/2025 19:51

It’s done to control you so make him turning up or not inconsequential to your life & plans.

Only communicate via a court approved Co-parenting app.

He won't download the parenting app

Op I use an email I created just for him

MrsSunshine2b · 19/07/2025 20:47

So if you do the drop offs to him, is the issue with when he brings her back? How long is it by? If we're talking half an hour or less I think I'd let it go. It's not easy to hold to strict times with small kids, especially if you don't have them that much and you're in the middle of something fun. If it's like hours late and he's not letting you know where he is then I'd be thinking about getting something more formal in place.

MrsSunshine2b · 19/07/2025 20:49

P.S. They court can in theory order anything if they think it's in the child's best interests, but if you both agree on the current plan you can just get that written up as a parenting plan and signed by a judge.

Twelftytwo · 19/07/2025 21:33

It would only help make him return her to you at specific times, and compel you to make her available, It can't compel him to turn up.

Original poster
MummyofoneT · 19/07/2025 22:32

So today it was me dropping her off and he wasn't there so I had to wait half an hour. I'm (immaturely I know) wondering whether to do it back to him on Tuesday when he drops her off at mine, just to show him it works both ways, but obviously that's not nice for her, but it's not nice for her anyway when I drop her off and he's not there!.
Yesterday he dropped her off an hour early which was very frustrating as I'd had a really hard day & was looking forward to an hours nap before she came home, then as soon as I lay down there was a knock at the door!.

OP posts:
Sprogonthetyne · 19/07/2025 22:40

if you go to drop her off and he isn't there just leave, you don't have to wait around. Take her somewhere fun to distract her from how shit her farther is and he has missed his opportunity to spend time with her. Dropping her back to you early is annoying, but unfortunately not something a court order would help with, just think of it as his loss. If he is keeping her beyond the time he should be returned, then a court order could help, but it would be a long process to get one, then return to court once it was broken to get it enforced.

Original poster
MummyofoneT · 19/07/2025 23:48

Ok thank you. We also have no plans in terms of birthdays, mothers day etc. This year I hardly saw her on your birthday as it was his day. For the summer holidays he wouldn't reply to any of my messages, in the end I printed off a calendar for my daughter to give him with my proposal saying if I didn't heat by x date I would start making plans. Eventually he said 'You have sent me a list of what your doing, I think that is disrespectful, I will pick her off and drop her off like usual'. What am I supposed to do if he won't communicate! It's not usual as she won't be at school...really helpful :(.

With this in mind do you think a court order about holidays is worth it? X

OP posts:
YourOnMute · 20/07/2025 00:17

I got a court order for the reasons you describe, as he was constantly late, wouldn't communicate, wouldn't agree on holidays, refused to leave kids back (too mean to drive them), refused to facilitate any hobbies or birthday parties on his weekend.
So if he was late for collecting, I didn't wait around, I left. Tough luck on him.
It can help to keep times, holidays and communications orderly. However it can't force them to avail of access (and mine eventually didn't bother and now hadn't contacted his children in years). But at least it removes that element of him trying to control it.

Original poster
MummyofoneT · 20/07/2025 08:24

Thanks for your replies. In terms of communicating we were texting but he became abusive so I told him now we have to email, he's not replied to one email I've sent him, clearly doesn't like being told what to do, he's a total narcissist that puts pissing me off before what is best for his daughter.

OP posts:
BellissimoGecko · 20/07/2025 08:28

MummyofoneT · 20/07/2025 08:24

Thanks for your replies. In terms of communicating we were texting but he became abusive so I told him now we have to email, he's not replied to one email I've sent him, clearly doesn't like being told what to do, he's a total narcissist that puts pissing me off before what is best for his daughter.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? What a cock.

Your dd is lucky she has you to give her some normality.

I’d stick with the email. And if you are dropping off, if he’s not there, I wouldn’t wait. Take your dd home and do something else.

I’d also get some legal advice, I think, to cover myself.

he sounds like a complete dickhead.

RandomMess · 20/07/2025 10:24

No longer wait around if he’s not there and no longer be at home before she’s due back. Same if he’s picking up and is more than 10 minutes late, just take DD out.

If he is currently refusing to use email then you may as well make the shift to a court approved app.

Court order you would need to obtain a super duper restrictive detailed one. The courts can’t make him take her to activities on his time so you need to think carefully about a contact arrangement that will work for the next 4/5 years as she gets older. The more you can arrange pick up and drop off at school the better. Remember he has to provide clothes etc on his time.

Titasaducksarse · 20/07/2025 10:30

If you get a child arrangement order and he doesn't stick to it you can then go for an enforcement order.
I'd do what others have suggested, you make child available at times agreed. If he's not there you leave. Get to a point where he is applying to court...cost on him then plus motivation to actually sort stuff out.

Original poster
MummyofoneT · 20/07/2025 10:43

@RandomMess thanks, do you mean get a court order to make him use a court approved app? Because I've sent him the details before & he refuses to use it x

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyofoneT · 20/07/2025 10:51

@BellissimoGecko yep he has turned in to a total cock, I never would have thought he could behave like this it's so stressful & unnecessary x

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/07/2025 11:21

No get a court order full stop.

Email him that you intend to get a CAO for contact due to his behaviour and from now on all arrangements will be via the App and he will be blocked on other mediums.

Original poster
MummyofoneT · 20/07/2025 13:05

@RandomMess ok but I know he won't read the email or go on the app, so are there any actual consequences if he doesn't?

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyofoneT · 20/07/2025 13:08

I mean if I go back to court to get it enforced, is there a fine or something if he doesn't download the app?

OP posts:
MascaraGirl · 20/07/2025 13:13

MummyofoneT · 20/07/2025 13:08

I mean if I go back to court to get it enforced, is there a fine or something if he doesn't download the app?

I still don’t think the court can make him spend time with your daughter, all they can do is oblige YOU to make her available. If he doesn’t want his time with her, there’s nothing anyone can do.

Original poster
MummyofoneT · 20/07/2025 13:22

I just want him to stick to the times we agreed. He dropped her off at mine and hour early the other day without informing me which was inconvenient for various reasons, then when I dropped her off yesterday he wasn't there so I had to wait around because I had made plans for the evening ahead of you see what I mean. Also we have no plan to do with the holidays, birthdays etc, I hardly saw her on her birthday as it fell on his day. I know the summer holidays and Xmas are going to be a shit show if there is nothing in place!
Can the court make him communicate and in a respectful manner? As in he might get a fine if he doesn't?

OP posts:
MascaraGirl · 20/07/2025 13:28

MummyofoneT · 20/07/2025 13:22

I just want him to stick to the times we agreed. He dropped her off at mine and hour early the other day without informing me which was inconvenient for various reasons, then when I dropped her off yesterday he wasn't there so I had to wait around because I had made plans for the evening ahead of you see what I mean. Also we have no plan to do with the holidays, birthdays etc, I hardly saw her on her birthday as it fell on his day. I know the summer holidays and Xmas are going to be a shit show if there is nothing in place!
Can the court make him communicate and in a respectful manner? As in he might get a fine if he doesn't?

I would rather give realistic advice and I am not sure a court could help with a lot of his erratic behaviour, even though he’s clearly an idiot

But they may help with a holiday schedule, however they still can’t force him to spend time with her.

RandomMess · 20/07/2025 13:48

The positive about going to court is that you will have fixed contact times and you only have to make her available at that time for collection and be home at the court agreed time for him to drop her back.

Yes it can include to use the app.

You need to accept he will not ever be reasonable or flexible it’s likely about him controlling you and seeing DD as and when it suits him with you the default parent to facilitate it.

If he refuses to use the app then he can only rely on turning up on time and dropping back on time/late with the expectation you will be there. He returns her late well you’ve gone out and he’ll have to keep hold of her etc.

Do you have EoW with DC?