WWYD? Dd not happy at her dads..

[Mantii24]

Dd10 stays with her dad EOW for 2 nights & 1 night on the alternate weekend.
he doesn’t have a job so never has any money to do anything with her, he hasn’t worked for years. he lives with his mother, no gf( one she hasn’t met).
on odd occasion he takes her to the park.
all he does is let her sit upstairs in his bedroom playing on her ipad majorly of her time.
she is now texting me asking to return earlier. telling me shes bored every single weekend.
her dad is a very difficult person he won’t speak to me about his daughter. he contacts her on her phone. so i wwyd ?

Give him a list of free things he could do with her, ie parks, museums, galleries, sightseeing etc.
Discuss with your daughter to see what sorts of (free) activities might interest her.

I know it's not your job to organise his time with her, but ....

I just wouldn’t send her! When he asks why say until he thinks of something constructive to do with her she won’t be going! Why subject your daughter to that??

Don’t send her.

And she is 10! He should not be contacting her to make the arrangements that’s totally in-appropriate he needs to be talking to you.

I would say it’s completely her choice at that age, I wouldn’t be forced to my dads at that age since I’d already got a clear picture of what he was like- they just gave up trying eventually.

whats his mum like, ciuod you ask her to give him a kick up the arse?

I'd perhaps cut down to just one day+night a weekend, so you get the other day with her too. (I always feel a bit resentful when my boy goes to his dad for the weekend and all I've had his rushed dinner times and complaints about having to do homework! But I do at least know he has fun.)

Also, at that age my parents were still together but I hardly saw either of them because I was always with friends in my room/at their houses. Perfectly normal that she'd start going a bit less soon anyway so you don't have to put the blame on him if you think it could get frosty.

Is it court ordered? If not let her make her own mind up if she wants to go. If she says no he can go to court which will take at least a while by which time she will have her feelings taken into account

hes got a tendency to get nasty in the past with me. not our daughter. he will accuse me of trying to keep him away from her.
we don’t have any court order.
i no he doesn’t want to communicate with me which is so immature but i was thinking of txtin him and telling him that shes said that she’s bored etc

If there's no Court order then it's very easy to vary the access - to start with maybe just tell him that she is starting a new weekend activity so won't be coming to him as often.

Does he pay you any child support? Can you manage with a reduced amount?

How has he "got nasty with you" in the past?

You can report him to the police for any harassment/threatening behaviour etc.

Good luck OP.

As you say, it's very straightforward with no court order. I would communicate this myself as it's not fair on your DD to have to deal with this difficult, selfish man. Does your DD want to see him at all?

You speak to him.

You pet him know that your daughter has expressed views about not wanting to spend as much time at his and that’s not what you want so you’d like to chat with him about how to work around the issue so that she does still want to go.

Let him know that he doesn’t need to spend money to make her happy he just needs to be engaged and involved and that you’re happy to offer any advice to help the situation.

I would say there is no benefit to contact and DD is not enjoying it at all. If DD wants to see him, suggest he finds some daytime activities she would be interested in doing and stop overnights. He will blame you and be obnoxious about it whatever you say. I would probably highlight that hanging out in his bedroom alone is no fun at all for DD and she would rather be at home in her own room doing her own things and seeing her friends.

Why does she stay 3/4 nights a fortnight or 6/8 a month at weekends

every other is the norm. If such a thing as a norm

I get dd is bored - My dd is the same tho I’m there as well as she doesn’t went to be alone with him due to his behaviour

i do sometimes think why do I go/make her - equally o feel she should have a relationship with her dad