Single parents older parent - loneliness how to manage it?

[JNC]

Hi, all.
I am a single parent of a wonderful boy. I love him and love being his mom.
But the rest of my life is very difficult and I don't know what to do about it.

He's 6 I'm 47. He is an only child. I work in a job where I'm generally isolated and there are no peers. All of my friends who have kids have had them much younger than me, so there is no peer group. His schoolmates - I'm not sure what the issue is but whereas we invite for playdates etc., it is not done by his classmates. I'm not sure if it is cultural, as the school is mostly one
demographic and I am another. I've tried to be friendly to other parents waiting to pick him up, but everybody just sits in their cars afraid to talk to anybody then grabs their kids and bolts.

He is in hockey, swimming, skating. Parents don't interact. As he is in boys' stuff, it is mostly men who go, and of course married ones. Who are the chattiest poeple out there (ugh).

BTW - did anybody else in the world get divorced or is it just me? I have yet to meet another divorced/separated person in my adult life - and the ones I have heard of have immediately gone on to meet new partners.

????

My family is toxic in a million different ways but I am stuck to them so that he will have a tribe. Hiding their behaviour or pretending that they aren't damaging to me is necessary in order to shield him and not affect their relationship/access to them. Same as I do with his dad. I take constant abuse from my family and from my ex and smile through it so that he can think well of these people. And they know this and use him as a human shield in order to do what they want from me. Yes, I have mentioned it firmly and asked not to be treated that way. Why would they do any differently however? They get no consequences.

HIs cousins are all girls except 1 boy who lives across the country.
My friends who have kids or don't have kids never ever want to do anything. Like ever. Like never want to have dinner, come over, go for coffee. I am off the radar unless somebody needs something from me (money, advice from my profession, or just an ear).

There are no meetups for people my are or in my circumstance around me. There seems to be nothing for anybody to congregate uner 55 years old.
There are no classes that fit my life schedule or my son's schedule.

Dating is not really an option, as I don't want to mess up our life or introduce him to a creep or get involved with a jerk who makes me upset and pulls focus from being the best mom I can be.

My best friend lives 5 hours away, and the friendship is definitely a bit lopsided (as are most of my relationships - I seem the be the one who cares more or needs the other more or whatever) but what can I do?

I'm scared my life will always be lonely.

I hear you about where are all these other divorced parents if 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce! My eldest is the only child in a class of 32 with divorced parents

HI! I have no idea. I thought this was the case as well. I literally know no divorced people - work my kid's classmates, family members, friends. It is like I'm going crazy in an alternate universe. I think people think divorce/separation is contagious so people tend to steer clear I think.

I’m 47 and DD almost 6, currently going through divorce but we’ve made plenty of parent friends through hobbies, school and nursery so we’re always busy and I don’t see the divorce impacting that as I only see the mums/kids on their own anyway.

My adult friend group is a bit dispersed but I have a few local-ish people to do the odd thing with. Not every week but monthly. DD is at a tiny school but in her class of 15 there’s 3 sets of divorced patents and 3 others with blended families from remarrying. So all the divorced people seem to be here @JNC

If you are experiencing cultural issues though I’d move to somewhere that suits better for friendships. Maybe that’s a bigger issue than you realise?

More than half of the people I know are divorced though, friends and family!

Uh - thanks? Glad it's all working out for you, though.

I know quite a lot of divorcees but I agree, they have partnered up again pretty quickly . Didn’t happen for me .

I don’t really have anyone either and am in my 40s with 3 young children. Ex husband left when twins were babies.

Im also scared of the loneliness. Which seems never ending and the weight of it is quite overwhelming at times.

I don’t have any answers either OP - I find making friends at this age quite superficial they aren’t really based on anything deep and meaningful or shared/lived experiences - they would be friends for seasons like the odd parent I know from school not friends for life and I don’t know if can take another relationship that comes and goes from life.

To be honest it is the age of the child that makes us feel lonely. Even wives or those with partners.

It is much easier from age 12 at least it was for me. They are more independent and you get more freedom.

Are there absolutely no single parents at the school? That does strike me as highly unusual.

There was quite a few at ds's primary school but they mainly wanted to go out get a bit pissed and chase after men. I did not want that for me. I was the same age as you when ds was born. I recommend you ask the class teacher on the quiet whether there are any single parents for playdates where you have that in common. If you feel brave enough that is.

Good luck op and I hope you find some fellow single parents as chums. I slowly found 2 women on Netmums and singlewithkids site who lived locally who were ideal for me.

I think the high cost of living these days has prevented many women escaping from their unhappy relationships. Hence why a sheer scarcity of single parents. Ds is 20 has a fulltime job much much easier now for me.