16 year old not wanting me to go to any events parents invited to

[Bufftailed]

Hi all,

This must be a very common situation, but it would be good to have some reassurance. DS is 16 and we generally have a good relationship although this GCSE year has been strained. Benefit of hindsight I would have got less involved, but I think we can recover from that and I have learnt for post 16.

He is absolutely desperate for independence. We are in a big city, not the safest but he wants to be able to go out when he wants (to gym or whatever). There are no issues with his behaviour, I know most of his friends and they are v nice and health conscious gym go-ers (ie not drinking or anything), he is generally doing well at school. I think we can probably come to an agreement about this. But various school / sport events parents are invited to (social/ celebratory things) and he is adamant there is no way I am going. We are going on holiday (just us) - he was not pushed to do this I asked if he wanted to and said it was fine if he didn't. He is now saying he wants to spend time alone on these holidays. OK great!

I'm finding it hard to navigate and it has been just me and him for virtually his whole life and I realise this is also about me and the fact that I now need to rebuild my own life after years of revolving around his. Has anyone been through this and got any suggestions. Especially with a DS I feel it's a tricky relationship to get right and I am glad he has a lot of friends and independence, but am feeling a bit of a sting of rejection, especially around the events that other parents will go to.

Any thoughts??

I am in the similar situation I have a 16 year old son just finished he's gcses too.
My husband works away and my daughter has moved out so its just me and him mainly .
Not sure if you are like me but waking him up for last exam and not having to set alarm again got me like end of an era.
I think like I said its an end of an era and a start of another we need to adapt to new things now and let them find their own paths , I'm sure he will come to some events and not others and surprise you .
Hope it helps

Kind regards x

If he’s taking part in those events I’d go anyways because the teachers are there. DD never wanted me at parents evenings either.

Wanting some time alone during the holidays is fairly normal imo, especially because otherwise you’ll be together 24/7.

There’s no reason why you shouldn’t go to events that other DPs are attending, have you asked him why he doesn’t want you there ?

Because he wants to be independent is his answer. Not sure if anything else under it. Anything to do with his education, ie parents eve/ information eve I would insist, but I don't feel I can with these. Is a bit sad...

I would point out to him that it's the end of an era for you too and it would be nice to celebrate surviving the GCSE year with other parents too.

I would acknowledge that there are some lessons learned for you too and you'd like things to be different for his A-Levels / further study and he will be more independent.

But this is a bit of a farewell to his childhood for you too and it is hurtful to exclude you as though he is ashamed of you.

Lastly, it is helpful to have a network of parents you can call on if needed. In time he will need internships, work experience, contacts for summer work. Maintaining a network of people you can reach out to is helpful and it's the way of the world.