need serious advice asap in tough situation

[tirddmum]

please someone help advise my family all live Cornwall I am telford with 15yr old 12yr old and 8 yr old I have no support here issues wiv kids friends hardly bother wiv me stuck on low work as childcare issue their dad we r split hes abusive but I only have him to help he only helps with.some stuff wen he wants but not properly I'm stuck single because of him so depressed and the fact I'm overwhelmed wiv it all tryin to make big decision do I move cornwall wen oldest done her exams where I got parents retired who would help schools can be sorted n be away from crap wiv kids dad but I'm so scared my kids wont adapt n hate me n any of them try to move back Midland's n i dont know anyone south n if my parents cant help iv moved for nothing n i cant drive there but can do the roads my area here also wud have to move in grans house there as prices so high or do I stick it out here where iv got mortgage n hope things go easier as kids go older im begging for advice please help theres pros cons each way

@Footle honestly it was probably a legitimate question, I found it really confusing to follow what OP was trying to say

@tirddmum have you asked your kids what they think about moving? Personally I’d be going south just because better weather makes everything better

OP a gentle suggession would be to use written English rather than text speak English? It would make your posts easier to comprehend and might encourage more people to respond with helpful advice.

Would your ex object to the move?

I don't understand the driving thing. Why would you only be able to drive in your parent's town?

I'm not sure one way or other. I think with how old your kids are, it might be very difficult moving.

I'm in your situation. Exh is an abusive arse. To be fair, not physical abuse and I've coped for a decade since we split. Bit I'm hundreds of miles away from my family. I now have health issues if my own which impacts on my ability to travel. My elderly widowed mum is so far away, it breaks my heart.

But I know being here was the right thing for my son. I just feel I sacrificed my life to it really.

Telford isn't wonderful but I'm not sure how you would get in Cornwall. How often would the kids see their Dad? Would you expect him to travel to see them? Cornwall is a huge journey.

People talking about getting permission from an abuser "because it's her dad"... Jesus, what a depressing place this site is.

Whatever you do, get this abusive man out of your lives, OP. You say you are with police about the situation: what do they say/advice? Have you contacted Women's Aid or similar? In situations of abuse, don't rely on ignorant posters on the internet, please. Get expert and real help. Good luck whatever you decide to do 💐

What's the situation with your grans house. How secure is that housing long term?

sorry 1st time using the site as I'm desperate yes grans house permanent its owned in the family she wud move in mums as mum has to keep driving to hers to do care me with driving I cant do motorways etc my ex always drove me there and when we visited he drove us around iv only ever drove the town there i now get taxi there but I know many dont drive in Cornwall they cope my mum drives to telford few times a year to see me ex not reliable help sometimes refuses compared to my family but kids love him but if ex was dead I'd probably leave christmas easter I'm alone here and mental health ill with it all telford people not nice friends come and go treat you shit but Cornwall people more spaced out and they are more reserved people its same with finding partner better quality men Cornwall but less men spaced out I'm a slim blonde and get constant telford men offers but no quality shit men half dont work drugs etc they just after roof over their head and iv got ex problem here

Ok I think you might have misunderstood slightly. If for some reason your gran needs to go into a care home what happens then. When your gran eventually passes away what happens then?

I'd sell my home it's big 3 bed and either buy my grans or just move in there shes mid 90s shes in big 3 bed bungalow only needing mild care with housework etc my mum has to keep driving there to help but she wud move into mums they got room if she passes away her house is left to my parents

Your ex sounds like a no-hoper and is involved in the criminal justice system, so I think your instincts to get away from him are probably correct.

I know Cornwall well. I think it all depends on which town you are talking about? To me it depends on provision for your sixteen year old and opportunities in the town: if it is Truro then yes, as you have Truro college, the hospital, fairly good buses and plenty of schools. Falmouth, St Austell, Newquay and Penzance - ok, but not quite so much on offer as Truro. Think carefully if it is Cambourne or Redruth, as these are economically deprived areas and future opportunities for young people are limited. Try to look at places objectively, even though you may have good childhood memories and family ties there.

Can you spend a bit of money on refresher lessons to get confident driving on A roads and country lanes? How would you get down to Cornwall in the first place?

Is there another option to move that would be better for your family but not quite so far as Cornwall? Midlands or North? Mumsnet will have some ideas I am sure…

Good luck. You are trying to improve your life and you have my vote for that!

no I'd never move elsewhere its looe town theres busses trains to other parts Cornwall for colleges or to plymouth at moment I pay taxi to visit I meet my dad at Bristol wiv taxi and he drives me and my kids to Cornwall few weeks holiday I stay at theirs as theres lots of room

As long as your children are on board, I’d want to get away from the deadbeat ex and move closer to supportive family.

Definitely move, I can't see a single benefit to staying in Telford.

Some of us have been through the family court system with abusive men. It's not that w e think this is what should happen. It's just reality if the ex has the means and inclination.

Okay, well when you go down there in the summer, give it a proper test run. Really try to imagine what daily life would be like for you and your children:

Walk to the primary school and back
Take a bus to the secondary school and back
Take the journey to college and back
Look at local jobs and opportunities
Take public transport into Plymouth for 9am

Time and money spent now evaluating your options is far better than making a mistake.