Loneliness

[Liz1387]

Not sure if this is the right place to put this just sat here thinking...... ive been a single parent now for 10 years get every weekend to myself as my son stays at his nanas. But I sit here thinking a lot of people would love this but I hate it cos I have nothing to do. All friends have settled down and longer see each other (barely even talk to each other now) and I sit here wishing for friends so I could just get out of the house and go for a drink/meal/night out etc. But I find myself just stuck in every evening. Don't get me wrong i do a lot of outings with my 12 year old in school holidays. But just wish on a weekend I had friends I could go out with rather than been stuck in. Not sure why I'm writing this guess I just wonder if anyone is in the same position.

Loneliness is challenging. I struggled without good friends for years. I finally made some by starting a book club. It grew from there. Now I have more than enough. Perhaps you should post on a community FB page? I have seen others doing that. Perhaps saying you want someone to walk with. And go from there?

Yes very similar except I have 3 children and they are with me 100% of the time. I know I’d feel the same though if I did have a break from them. I’ve given up every last scrap of energy I have in raising them (dad left when twins were a year old) and all my friends and sibling are still happily married so they drifted when I got divorced as they are just in different places in their lives. I dont have the money or time or energy for dating or hobbies. I can’t even attend work events as they are invariably In the evening and I don’t have anyone who can watch the children. I’m actually quite scared of the future carrying on like this - it’s overwhelming and isolating in addition to the loneliness x

It really is. I see on Facebook posts of people out and I feel so envious as I would love even a bit of a social life. I used to go out all the time before having my son and loved it. Even if it was just a couple of times a month. And I feel awful for moaning as I know a lot of people would love to have the time on a weekend like I do. I work Saturdays at the minute but on the evening its hard and I feel its just a waste .

Loneliness is awful. I live alone and have always loved it till Covid hit, then I felt lonely. I realised living alone is not lonely provided I have company of friends etc. Once that was taken from.us it was torture. I second what others have said about joining some sort of group. There must be lots of lone parents in exactly the same position. I'm moving soon and am definitely going to seek out some groups. Good luck OP.

Yeah my sister and friends all settled down. I dont want a partner ive been put off by them I think for a long time haha. And I feel bad for moaning as a lot of people would kist love one weekend child free but Just to have some friends even just to go round for drinks to a friends house just to get out. I can imagine it's hard with 3 children on your own. That's another thing I see posts on Facebook with all friends meeting up to go parks etc and all their children going too and the children all interacting and I feel guilty cos my son doesn't have that as I dont have the friendship circle.

Thank you I am definitely going to look into groups on Facebook. I feel its more common than I thought and a lot of people seem to struggle with it.

It’s probably more common than it’s talked about. I really struggled once DD started her teen years and friends became her whole world. If you really want to hear something pathetic, I’ve spent most NYE by myself because she chose spending it with friends since she was about 14, maybe even 13.

Once DD turned 18 I decided I’d start dating again, but overall I think having a community around you is even more important than a romantic life. Friends will be there for you if the relationship fails.

After a lot of trial and error I’ve also started attending a book club, the odd crafts class here and there and a (very sporadic) walking group. DD is often clingy and jealous because I’m not available 24/7 anymore but I’d strongly recommend it to every single parent - look after yourself too. I postponed it way too long.

@hedgingmybets25 we sound similar - Ive also got three children who I raise 100% alone. Your comment about feeling scared for the future strikes home for me.

I wonder what will be left and if I'll just wither away to nothing when they leave home because raising them takes everything Ive got, there is no room for fully investing in friends or having any type of romantic relationship. I'm so indoctrinated to being lonely and wonder if I intentionally isolate myself from few social occasions I could join because having just that little bit of interaction makes the contrast that much starker and sadder.

@Mimosifoliai agree. I had to force myself to visit family a couple of weekends ago. I hate the loneliness but then when a social occasion is offered I feel out of place. And your right it shows up the difference between our lives so much more and it makes me feel more sad and lonely and disconnected - the nice house the new car the talk of family holidays or even just days out and concerts they can go to because they are a 2 Income family and there’s me worrying about the cost of the fuel to get there coming out of my weekly food budget. And you are made to feel like you should be grateful that you’ve had an invite to get out of the house! Sometimes the loneliness is worst when surrounded by other people.

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks this! I struggle with this, I almost feel lost because my daughter goes to her dads Mon/tues and then a different day each week on the weekend, all my friends are busy with their partners in the week because they all live with them and I really struggle with the thought of having to make new friends if I started a hobby or went to some sort of club! I used to love being alone but somethings changed in the last couple of years, I find myself having a glass of wine on my own and starting a new series and by the time the weekend comes I just do the same thing and have a early night, don’t get me wrong my friends are AMAZING and when we do things it’s the best, but 60% of the time I’m very lonely and kinda isolated!