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So pissed off but I'm in the wrong.

12 replies

2kids2cats80 · 30/05/2025 20:11

As title says, royally pissed off and upset. I know I'm going to get some grief for this however, I need to vent. Split with ex husband 2018, youngest was 11. This child is the most amazing, caring intelligent and talented kid I've ever known. Their decision to cut contact with father, I actively encouraged and tried to mend the relationship. Had to give up when it was causing a breakdown in our own relationship. Kid is now 18, has severe mental health issues, we've been through hell. Diagnosis of Bi polar and some trauma that I'm not going into. Ex, always wanted to fix things but gave up eventually. I've worked my absolute backside off to get off benefits and stand on my own 2 feet. Eldest kiddo has come out the other side, has a great relationship with their dad. Ex has paid his child support from the get go, nothing more nothing less. Is now married again and still lives in what was our family home, he bought me out for peanuts. I now own my own home again, a very small place but it's mine. Youngest just turned 18, can't work or manage full time education, they have tried.. so much! I'm low income but work in a semi professional sector and heavily relied on the maintenance payment to get by, which he has stopped immediately as kid turned 18. He is well within his rights to do this, I totally understand that but to me it just seems so wrong! Wiping your hands of any financial responsibility for child you wanted and brought lnto the world just because they're now 18...even though he knows very well they can't work and I struggle to manage seems like a real arsehole move. No conversation no contact from him, just stopped. I really don't know how I'm going to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table now, he earns more than double my income but always pleads poverty, I'm absolutely gutted. I'm not looking for answers, just maybe some validation that it's OK to feel this bloody let down? Why should I have to be the only parent financially supporting our child!!

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 30/05/2025 20:13

Has your DS applied for all the benefits that he is entitled to?

Octavia64 · 30/05/2025 20:14

Yeah I feel your pain I have a disabled child who is now 24 and I’m struggling trying to support her into work.

she managed part time education - might be an option for you?

CaptainFuture · 30/05/2025 20:15

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 30/05/2025 20:13

Has your DS applied for all the benefits that he is entitled to?

This, does he currently have no income at all?

pimplebum · 30/05/2025 20:18

Yeah it’s shit , can you ask him to support more ?

Sunnyday321 · 30/05/2025 20:20

Yes your adult child ( you ) should apply for benefits uc , pip , etc and I assume you care for them as they are not 100% independent so maybe carers allowance for you ?

MyHouseInThePrairie · 30/05/2025 20:47

Actually I get why you’re angry.

The maintenance money was never about giving somethimg to you to to his child. And somehow, it’s ok fur fathers (usually) to just stop CM once the child is 18yo regardless or not they can stand on their two feet.
And it’s still the mothers who carry the load.

The whole system is deeply unfair

MyHouseInThePrairie · 30/05/2025 20:49

Sunnyday321 · 30/05/2025 20:20

Yes your adult child ( you ) should apply for benefits uc , pip , etc and I assume you care for them as they are not 100% independent so maybe carers allowance for you ?

That will take months and months though. IF they get anything at all. More than 50% of applications are rejected.

2kids2cats80 · 30/05/2025 22:33

We need to apply for pip, I have pip for 2 chronic lifelong conditions so I know all the horrible shit you have to go through to get it, I was just really hoping to avoid the trauma of it all for them. Thank you so much for your reply, I appreciate it so much xxx

OP posts:
JenniferAnistonForReals · 30/05/2025 22:38

My ex has just done the same. It’s not about whether my son can work or claim benefits, it’s about my ex wiping his hands of (in our case the very little) he actually contributed towards parenting, I find it bewildering that he thinks, “that’s it, I’m done” but it is what it is. I hear you, OP. No idea what goes on in their heads.

Iwontlethtesungodownonme · 30/05/2025 22:39

Is your child still in full time education?

2kids2cats80 · 30/05/2025 22:39

God I really thought I was going to get roasted here, I've had a couple of wines which might be why I can't figure out to reply to individual responses, please know that I appreciate you all taking the time to advise and not judge xxx

OP posts:
Iwontlethtesungodownonme · 30/05/2025 22:47

Why on earth would you be roasted? I can hear your stress in your typing.
If your son has left full time education please consider getting him to make a claim to UC. If he is unfit for work ask the gp if they would consider issuing a fit note.
If he is still in full time education speak to child maintenance.

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