Parental responsibility??? advice urgent please

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ex git of a partner who walked out on us 3 months ago has decided he wants to apply for legal responsibility after I asked him to transfer his share of the equity in our house - on the sale into dds name in trust - he flatly refuses - as he has a new partner ( and has done for what i suspect is yrs actually) - He earns at least £150k a year and I earn 6K so therefore I wont be able to get a mortgage to top up in order to buy a property near where we currently live so that he can maintain contact with dd. He slammed the phone down on me tonight with see you in court. hes being extremely nasty to cut a long story short. Anyone know of any reasons why I can maybe get his application refused - hes said he wants to take her away on holiday and Im afraid he wont bring her back (honest) - he keeps threatening to withold maintenance etc although hes currently agreed to pay the mortgage for a yr every other day he threatens to review the situation which is not good for any sanity I have left. DD is very unsettled at school and home she wont sleep in her bed and wont go to sleep in my bed without me with her she doesnt want to stay overnight even though I have tried to encourage it by suggesting he buys her a bunk bed hamster etc she still doesnt want to leave me. She has night terrors every time she sees or speaks to him on the phone so the split has clearly affected her and not in a good way. How has anyone else gone on in similar circs -( dd is 7 yrs and we werent married so he doesnt have automatic parental responsibility) I could go on see other threads as to his behaviour needless to say things are not pleasant and arent getting any better - he slammed the phone down on me tonight.

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I think you need to build up trust between your child and her dad, you need to talk to your ex and come to some kind of arrangement, if it went to court I doubt he will get his pr rejected especially if the courts can see that he is paying the mortgage and giving you maintenance, although you say you weren't married was he there at the birth and named on your daughter's birth certificate ?

I have the same problems with my ex being a complete and utter tit when it suits him... he's taking me back to court yet again for more access because I told him I didn't want him back...this is the only way he can get at me, and (so he thinks) by flaunting his partner in front of me...but that doesn't bother me now..passed caring! What does bother me though is the impact it has on the children...night terrors etc (list is endless but things did improve during the 3 months he managed to be amicable with me!) Problems are now recurrent as he totally ignores me in front of them again!...A/hole thinks this has no impact on them!

If you really are worried about the problems go to your Drs and explain the worries and ask to be referred to a child psychiatrist?? .... I have had tremendous help and support from them in knowing how to manage the problems... and my children have come on leaps and bounds.

Good luck.

talie you are a star Ill make an appt straight away I did ask the other week about counselling and dr said ring the health visitor but yes Ill insist on a child psychiatrist i think she could def do with someone to talk to - I dont think she talks to me as she doesnt want to upset me bless her yet she knows im worried about her she has enough on her plate what with sats and then moving up to jnr school to deal with let alone shes fighting at school a nd falling out with all her friends as shes being super sensitive and I just dont know what else i can do to help her tahnks for that

My dd would never talk to me about her time with her dad...the only response I ever got from her was 'I don't want to tell you'!

I have also learnt lots from the Psychiatrist eg....knowing the right words to help encourage her to speak and showing her that it is 'ok' for her to talk about her dad when she comes home. It was almost like a door opening for her and the improvement was immense...she now freely talks about him, with gentle encouragement from me. If she doesn't want to talk I allow her the space and she opens up later when she's ready.

I have been told that she suffers greatly from separation anxiety...her words/actions etc in the sessions showed that she was acting like the mother and I was the child....and that although she wanted to go and see her dad and enjoyed her time with him, she worried immensely about how I was, what I was doing and if I really was ok....what a burden for such a young child! She now asks questions when she returns as to what I've done, who I've been with etc and I go through my day with her and that seems to put her at ease that I've been ok too. I have also told her that at any time she wants to talk to me on the phone while she's away that I always have my mobile with me and that she can phone me whenever she wants too. I made a point of doing this in front of the xh as well as she did tell me that he had told her I don't have my mobile switched on!...what an utter pig!....thankfully she is now allowed to phone me!

I was at a loss how to help my children through these difficult times, and think I stopped talking for fear of saying the wrong words and making things worse, and I guess there's a little stigma about going to a psychiatrist (if that's their right title!!), but I'm not embarrassed to tell anyone as it has helped both me and the children and I would encourage anyone who can to get help.

Now, I just need help getting the A/hole of an ex to understand the problems and the part he plays in this, but he continually denies anything is wrong!....beyond help I think!!

Good luck with getting a referral...I know you can self refer as well but easier through your Dr. If you need any further details let me know and I'll help as much as I can.

PS...sorry about not focussing on the 'parental responsibility' bit but I don't really have much knowledge on that side of things.....mind you I'm sure something new will crop up for me as far as the ex is concerned...but I pray for the day that he can no longer fling any more sh't at me!