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Lone parents

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Original poster

Family Problems

12 replies

talkingT · 27/04/2025 12:33

Hi,
I just want some advice and also to have a little rant.

i am in my early 20s and i am a mum to a 8 month old, my partner moved out when our son was 4 months old due to him having no work up here so he moved back to his family’s home about 40 miles away from me as he had work available there.
so he doesn’t really get down that often to see us.

ever since he has moved out, my family have done nothing but talk bad about him, and anytime i have tried to tell them its none of their business it just ends up in a massive argument.

i can see from their point of view that my sons dad has just moved away and hasn’t really came up to visit and they just think I’ve been left to fend for myself and my son on my own, so of course they won’t be happy with him.

however, I’m finding it very frustrating, as my family are talking on the phone behind my back about the situation, and just overall they keep getting involved with everything I do, it’s just became too much.

I have tried to address this to them but they don’t seem to understand.

i could just rip my hair out with frustration because no matter what i do they seem to involve themselves in absolutely everything and the talking behind my back on the phone to eachother really just gets to me.

and when i tell them how i feel they just think im being rude etc.

any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 27/04/2025 12:38

How dependent are you on your family?

Original poster
talkingT · 27/04/2025 12:41

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 27/04/2025 12:38

How dependent are you on your family?

I love my family to bits but it’s ever since my son’s dad has moved out they’ve just got involved in everything I do.

I’m not that dependant as I do everything myself as much as I can if you get me

OP posts:
SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 27/04/2025 12:44

Don't tell them anything that you don't want gossiped about.

Don't engage in arguing. It takes 2 people to argue, so opt out.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 27/04/2025 12:49

@talkingT in that case don’t tell them anything or try to say as little as possible.

I know it’s really hard (I fall into the trap of oversharing all the time) but it’s the only way to stop it. They can’t gossip if there’s no material to begin with.

I can see it from their POV though, it just looks like your partner bolted and left you with a baby to fend for yourself. Is he still a partner, even?

Original poster
talkingT · 27/04/2025 12:51

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 27/04/2025 12:49

@talkingT in that case don’t tell them anything or try to say as little as possible.

I know it’s really hard (I fall into the trap of oversharing all the time) but it’s the only way to stop it. They can’t gossip if there’s no material to begin with.

I can see it from their POV though, it just looks like your partner bolted and left you with a baby to fend for yourself. Is he still a partner, even?

Oh yes I can see from their POV too, it’s just more the involvement and asking constant questions etc just gets to me

we are still together just live quite far away now, but I do get their POV

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 27/04/2025 12:53

@talkingT I’ve had a very difficult last year with my partner due to his mental health and honestly the best thing I did was stop sharing it with people.

It’s easier because my family doesn’t live near me and I also got some counselling that allowed me to vent, but it really made me realise the less you tell, the better.

Eggsinthewhoopsiebasketalready · 27/04/2025 12:59

Why could he not commute 40 miles to a job? I regularly do 100 miles a day and live with my dc....
Your family are right to be concerned..

PickledElectricity · 27/04/2025 13:01

They're probably worried about you? It does look bad from the outside. I would also fund it very difficult to not judge a man who did this to my friend or family member.

Is he sending money every month?
What is the long term plan, will he move back or will you join him once he's got enough cash together for a home for you?
If he's not coming up to spend time with his baby and you, is he at least calling/face timing regularly?
Are you sure you're still in a relationship?

It's all so odd, I'm afraid.

redphonecase · 27/04/2025 13:01

talkingT · 27/04/2025 12:33

Hi,
I just want some advice and also to have a little rant.

i am in my early 20s and i am a mum to a 8 month old, my partner moved out when our son was 4 months old due to him having no work up here so he moved back to his family’s home about 40 miles away from me as he had work available there.
so he doesn’t really get down that often to see us.

ever since he has moved out, my family have done nothing but talk bad about him, and anytime i have tried to tell them its none of their business it just ends up in a massive argument.

i can see from their point of view that my sons dad has just moved away and hasn’t really came up to visit and they just think I’ve been left to fend for myself and my son on my own, so of course they won’t be happy with him.

however, I’m finding it very frustrating, as my family are talking on the phone behind my back about the situation, and just overall they keep getting involved with everything I do, it’s just became too much.

I have tried to address this to them but they don’t seem to understand.

i could just rip my hair out with frustration because no matter what i do they seem to involve themselves in absolutely everything and the talking behind my back on the phone to eachother really just gets to me.

and when i tell them how i feel they just think im being rude etc.

any advice would be appreciated

He's left you and your child, and he doesn't come back that often.

He presumably has at least one day off work per week, so he should be back with you on those days and fully sharing the parenting. Does he do that, or is he enjoying the life of a man with no kids?

If he's not spending all of his non-working days back with you then your family are correct.

usererror57 · 27/04/2025 15:22

Lots of people commute 40 miles daily for work….if you were my daughter I Wouldn’t be impressed either

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 23/06/2025 10:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

YourOnMute · 23/06/2025 10:52

usererror57 · 27/04/2025 15:22

Lots of people commute 40 miles daily for work….if you were my daughter I Wouldn’t be impressed either

I almost commute that now and did more in the past. It's not that unusual of a commute?
I'll be honest if I was a family member I would not be too impressed with your partner either.

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