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How often do you discuss/review cm payments

2 replies

Mulledmead · 24/04/2025 22:57

I am hoping for a bit of advice. I have been divorced from exh for about 5 years now. We have two DC together. They stay with me 4 nights and him 3 nights a week. It is all pretty amicable and I don't want to appear grabby or particularly rock the boat here, but I just wondered what is 'normal' or if I should try and broach this conversation.

We have an informal maintenance agreement; I don't go through CMS for payments. When we first split he tapped the details into the online calculator, it gave a figure and he has been paying the same amount ever since.

I pay for all the DC clubs and activities (which keep increasing year on year) and but we tend to split other things like school shoes and other clothes (e.g. we just buy stuff if they need it and it travels freely between houses). We both tend to economise, buy secondhand etc. and have similar views around spending etc. so the DC have pretty similar lifestyles across the two houses.

He has recently had a promotion which means he is out earning me now (previously on similar wages...think standard pay grades for professions which is how I roughly know his new salary) and a quick check of the calculator suggests he should be paying £70-100 more a month than he is now. I don't think he has purposefully not reviewed it himself, just knowing him it probably hasn't crossed his mind.

So, I appreciate I am in a fortunate position where I have an ex who has paid consistently over the years, but would I be unreasonable to start requesting he reviews things a bit more regularly? Or let the dust settle with his new job and bring it up a little later in the year and suggest a more regular review (e.g. every couple of years)?

OP posts:
PositiveLife · 24/04/2025 23:12

If you went through the CMS, they'd review it yearly so I don't think there's harm in suggesting that frequency

Mulledmead · 25/04/2025 10:11

Thanks. I maybe just need to be brave and open up the conversation. I don't know anyone in real life in the same situation so it's hard to know what is normal

OP posts:
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