Am I being over-sensitive, or is xp's mother a nasty bitch?

[noaddedsugar]

Dd and I moved to our flat a month ago after splitting with her father back in Feb. I sent his mother a change of address card, assured her she was welcome to visit dd whenever she wanted (after xp had told her I would forbid this?!) but she hasn't even bothered to pick up the phone. Now I get a text from xp saying she has dropped a present off for dd at his house, which is exactly 5 minutes around the corner from us. AIBU to think she could have dropped it off here, where dd actually lives? Tbh, I don't know why I even care, I just hate being made to feel as though I don't exist by his family, but then I don't exactly want them on my doorstep either

Over sensitive imo. The present for her gd means she isn't a nasty bitch.

Maybe she finds it all a bit too awkward?

she may just be really woried about doing the wrong thing. My mum can be a bit like this. Once when I was having a bad time and could have done with some support she phoned everyone and told them to leave me alone.
She had decided in her own head what i really wanted in spite of my clear explanations to the contrary .
I know her well enough to know she was really trying to do the right thing but got it terribly wrong.
The present means she is still trying to keep contact etc . I would get prezzie and thank her and then give her a specific ionvitation over rather than a wafty 'you're always welcome' thing

no not nasty she prob finds it hard as well as you. maybe if you made the first move & dropped her a line (or in my case dial the number for DS to speak to his grandparents on the phone) I find that goes a long way to helping bridge the gap a bit. (not too much mind! lol)

totally over sensitive, this is all new to her, and she probably didn;t wnat to overstep the mark. she has bought a gifta nd made sure you got it, she was probably worried about calling.

you don;t want them on your doorstep, but are cross she did not phone . you are being unfair IMO

Do you know what xp has been saying to her? He might have told her that if she visited/talked you then she was being disloyal to him? She's in an awkward position, really. Obviously wants to keep in touch at least with gc. I know a friend of dh's took it very badly when his xw dropped in on us and we gave her a cuppa. Took ages for him to forgive us (not that I gave a toss, he's a silly **se, but dh was upset).

My XMIL went through the same phase at first. We've now broken the ice and have a relationship, I actually see more of her and my XFIL than before XP left.

Reading between the lines she was so embarassed about how XP behaved she couldn't face me or the DGS.

Also she probably wants your XP to ensure he has a relationship with the DD and is doing whatever she can to encourage that i.e. presents.

Don't be hard on yourself its early days and when emotions are still high we try to read/ over examine everything.

You do exist, she does care, she just has to find away of controlling her own emotions before the face to face stuff can start again. She's made a step in the right direction after you made a generous and brave step by writing with your new address and open invite.

Give it time it would all appear to be moving in the right direction and the XP family obviously do have you in their thoughts. Sounds like you're doing well to me.

Maybe a bit of background is needed here. Xp has a son, who xp's mum has told me, on countless occasions is 'her favourite' (once when I was standing there holding my then 8 week old dd in my arms), She has accused me of neglecting xp's son (when I lived with them) because she'd gone up to his room and found two items of washing in his linen basket. When xp and I were together, whenever she'd come round, she'd sit with dd and even if dd was crying hysterically, wouldn't give her back to me. When xp and I had split, but where still living in the same house, she arranged a meal out with family, invited me and dd, then came round and said, 'Oh, they can't get enough chairs round the table, you and dd can't come.' Not that we we're intending to, but that was pretty hurtful. On the day me and xp split up, which she knew all about, she chose to come round because she hadn't seen the children for ages (because, at 71, she's got a new boyfriend and was busy doing whatever 71 yesr olds do together, euurgh). I did mention to xp that it was a tad insensitive to turn up on that particular day and he said she had every right to see the kids. God, boys and their mummies, I'm glad I have a dd!

heya if its any concelation my xp mother is the most evil witch in the whole world. I dont let her see ds anymore and i know one day i may have to give ds a reason for this but i truely believe he is better off without her in his life.
ex had ds over night once so that i could catch up on sleep and xp basicly left his mum to look after ds. Ds was poorly in the night and MIL didnt have any medicine. she tried to ring me once but my phone was on silent (not intentionally) an when i got to her house the following day to pick up ds she spent about 30mins screaming at me telling me what a bad mother i was and how she was going to call social services on me that i wasnt fit to be taking car of my son etc... I was pregnant at the time and hysterical after her lecture as xp wasnt exactly much support as a father so i was pretty much bring ds up alone. when xp tried to stand up for me she threw him out and then went on to pass my number on to numerous family members who then rang me up and told me how horrible and awful i was.

this coming from the woman who has messed her son up sooooo much he has numerous children by different women and doesnt see or support any of them. The twisted mother who has 5 chilren by 5 different men and who hasnt lived in a cith long enough to alow her kids to settle down and make friends. and she once took him and his sisters on holiday to blackpool and then threw the ids out on the street with no clothes no money in a totally strange place. shes a complete nutter. Hence the reason i dnt let her see my kids. i dnt want her to screw them up lie she has her own kids. Sorry abiout hijacking ur thread. char x

My exMIL and PIL have now emigrated - I am so please

On the OP alone I wouldn't have said she's definitely a nasty bitch, but given the other background, there is no doubt whatsoever that she is obviously an extremely nasty bitch.

So no, YANBU.

Background definitely helps, I still think you made a good and brave move sending her an open invite but I now think you should be glad, giving her history, she hasn't taken you up on it.

You've tried, shes a bitch - your DD is getting influenced by someone who loves her and has her best interests at heart.

You deserve better - I really believe what goes around comes around. Keep the moral high, ground you do exist

Thanks LB and Aa, sometimes you just need a bit of validation for how you're feeling. I'm not going to stop ex's mother seeing dd because whatever she feels about me, I know she loves dd (in her own strange way)and despite what she's like, I know I can trust her with dd (which is more than I can say for dd's father ). And also, she's loaded, so I don't want her forgettng dd in her will, (mercenary, me?) . I will send a thank you card for the present and see what happens.

This lady doesn't have to be happy that you split up with her son (or vice versa). But most feelings wear off eventually. I would be pleasant and ride the storm. It's her relationship with DD that counts (if you want her to get any money in the will ).

Good luck riding the storm, though. She sounds like hard work.