Male role model for my son

[wildlingtribe]

can you share your experience with this? I have four children, one who is my son, I am wondering how not having a good male role model/ father in everyday life will be approaching the pre-teen/ teen years. I’m worried he will crave his dad more & more for that male person to be present but their dad isn’t a good role model at all & very inconsistent, treats me like dirt, isn’t fully committed yet I sense my boy will go to him if it comes down to it& is obviously gutted he doesn’t have a dad day to day & what his friends have. I try my best, we have a lovely bond, but I’m worried this will be quashed once he gets older & the next school is right near to his Dad. There’s a lot more context to this (toxic) but long story short. I know not having mum as a present part affected me profoundly growing up.

Hi there, no direct experience but there are many awesome and successful men who were raised by women eg. Ryan Gosling, Patch Adams, George Carlin. These men, I believe, have spoken about this publicly and I bet there are more.

Above all your son is a human being and if you model mutual respect, listen to him, have high standards for him and hold him to them with respect, and importantly model respecting yourself, he is likely to live up to them and you can raise an awesome man.

I'm a lone mum of one DS. His dad isn't aggressive but he's just tepid on everything, refuses to parent or put himself out in any way.

My ds' good role models are his karate sensei, a series of really good sports teachers at school and my brother. It does matter, you are right.

I've taught my DS to swim, to cycle, to build dens and I'm a good role model in terms of work ethic but having men around him is important too.

He's 16 and recently he surprised me, taking me out to lunch on Mother's day, booking and paying for it himself, which was lovely.I was very proud of him 😊

What genetalia you have doesn't define if you are a good role model or not. A good role model can come in many forms, regardless of gender. You teach them right from wrong and demonstrate how to be a kind, happy human. You don't need a "male" to do this x

I have two DS’s. Difficult break up and subsequent horrific few years with ex. He hated having to be responsible as a dad.

‘Family life is not for me’ and ‘no one is going to tell me when and where I can see my own children’ were two of his obnxious views.

As I carefully built a new life away from him and the OW, he continued to be difficult.
I moved 30 minutes away for a fresh start, working so hard to integrate the boys here whilst they stayed with DF EOW and a night in the week.

Whilst with him, he took them back, aged 4&6, sat them outside their old school and told them he was buying a house there and they would live with him and go back to their old school.

I could write a book, him stealing them from school, refusing to return them, with holding passports, not turning up…etc etc.

He screamed at me, that when they were older, they would see what I was and they would want him.

One did☹️
After the eldest left for uni, it was as if ExH realised he had missed his chance with him, but he persuaded the younger to leave sixth form, abandon his 4 Alevels and move in with him. Found DS a low brow apprenticeship with his mate. DS’s gf followed.

Of course ‘’Mr, FAMILY LIFE ISNT FOR ME’ ( or for OW who had left her own DC’s) didn't bargain on having two 17 year olds living with them. Within weeks, he'd pushed them into a scruffy rental he owned.

Absolute disaster.

It devastated me. It has taken a lot of work to rebuild the relationship between DS and I. It is ok.
I still have no idea why it happened and continue to be too hurt to ask the question.

Elder DS lives away too. We have a great relationship, he continues to be in touch with his DF but not as much as he doesn't feel he has ever been supported by him.

One football coach had a punch up with the opposition...bad role model. (We didn't stay long)

Goalie coach was calm and softly spoken and got my kid to revise for GCSEs!

Some teachers are good role models.(Head of house was calm , PE teachers)
Kiddo learning self control from boxing.

His dad is not a good role model:DV.

I would be just as concerned for your daughters. They see their mother treated like shit by their dad and think that’s what relationships are.