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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

sex for the first time in 2 years - scared!!

49 replies

mocca · 15/05/2008 09:32

I can't believe this is happening to me after my crap divorce! Am about to spend a weekend away with a lovely new man (separated 2 years ago from ex and he's the first since then and am really ready for a new relationship). Met him online and emailed for weeks and got to know him quite well, finally met and I wasn't expecting anything but we really clicked. We haven't stopped thinking about eachother since then and are both really excited about the weekend. We're booked into a hotel in separate rooms - he's been a real gent and said he didn't want me to think that he expected to sleep with me. Communication is good between us and my gut instinct is to trust him until proven otherwise. Everything he's done so far indicates that he's really keen on me.

Having not had sex though for 2 years and before that it was just going through the motions, I am absolutely ready to explode! At 50, I have never felt so alive and wanting sex (with the right man). I'm nervous about the weekend, I think I'd like something exclusive and long-term with this man if we're right for eachother(although we live 200 miles apart and both have kids)and wonder if having sex this soon is wise. Should I just go with the flow and see what happens or make a decision beforehand to hold off? I would definitely be comfortable just sleeping with him though and lots of cuddling and kissing. Feel like a teenager but want to act like a mature woman!

OP posts:

zippitippitoes · 15/05/2008 22:20

he might disagree do you normally keep your bra on then in bed

makes me think of terry and june

littlewoman · 15/05/2008 22:32

He will have a million issues about himself, you know, so he will be willing to look upon you kindly if you will do the same for him (I'm 44 and was in the same boat as you last year. Bag of nerves lol).

Try to look at it as a bit of fun for the minute if you're afraid of getting hurt. Rather than thinking 'this is it' just think 'this is good fun'. It helps you to remain detatched if you don't put a big label on it, IYKWIM.

ANTagony · 16/05/2008 07:01

You need to watch Shirley Valentine (again if you haven't already). Its the best pro aging, be happy with who you are, you've got to give it a try film out there. We're all human at the end of the day - even the airbrushed ones have days without a makeup artist that they'd be ashamed to be caught in public.

Original poster

mocca · 16/05/2008 10:45

Feel a bit more positive this morning, just went out a bought myself a lovely new dress, hides the lumps! And he's sent me a text telling me I'm gorgeous so I'd better believe it!

OP posts:

zippitippitoes · 16/05/2008 10:49

yes definitely behave like you know you are gorgeous

and if he says something nice then be happy not SELF DEPRECATING

littlewoman · 16/05/2008 10:52

Is it today you are going? I feel so excited for you [living vicariously emoticon]

Original poster

mocca · 16/05/2008 10:59

Tomorrow morning, won't be able to sleep tonight, you guys are fab, thanks for holding my hand..

OP posts:

mamalovesmojitos · 16/05/2008 20:34

ooh mocca, it all sounds so exciting!

i'm so scared of trying anything with anyone with my post-pregnancy belly. but i'm only 24 so i have many years of frustration ahead of me if i dont get over it!!!!

hope you have a fantastic time. just take things at your own pace and allow him to spoil you.

oxocube · 16/05/2008 20:44

You know Mocca, guys really don't care about the odd bit of flab, the bits we would rather keep hidden, the stretch marks etc because they are just so glad to be with someone who wants them and who likes them for who they are. I sometimes think we could learn a lot from men in the bedroom department

Remotew · 16/05/2008 20:57

Hope you have a great time this weekend Mocca. A few glasses of wine seems to do the trick if you are self conscious (and want to go that far). Then after the first time its all systems go, for me anyway.

oxocube · 16/05/2008 20:59

And good advice littlewoman

Original poster

mocca · 16/05/2008 21:58

Yes, the vino does help as long as it's not too much! Spoke to him just now, he's totally knackered from a hard physical day's work so knowing my luck he'll just want to sleep!

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PurpleOne · 17/05/2008 01:58

Oh mocca, you lucky thing [devil emo]

Be yourself, and enjoy the moment.

Nice glass of wine, guys love a massage with sexy oils...

putty = hand

Be good!

littlewoman · 17/05/2008 12:58

Is that true oxocube? They don't mind? Cor, the amount of worrying we all put in for nothing.

I was just on here to make sure Mocca wasn't on here lol. Otherwise she is wasting her weekend away

I wonder if she's having a good time? I do hope so.

Original poster

mocca · 18/05/2008 21:14

Hello littlewoman et al, just to let you know I had the best weekend ever and am home now. It did happen and it was beautiful, felt totally right, passionate and tender and I feel closer to him than ever. Very very hard to say goodbye to him earlier but he's just contacted me to say he couldn't have imagined how good it was going to be and to thank me for being in his life! Met his daughter too, lovely to see him with her and she was lovely.

It was strange, after all the angst about having sex after all this time it came straight back and I felt like a goddess. Not worried about the droopy bits at all and he just didn't notice. So thanks again for your advice, am so looking forward to spending more time with this lovely man despite the distance between us. You're never too old to fall in love!!

OP posts:

littlewoman · 18/05/2008 23:06

I am laughing and clapping. I seriously need to get out more lol.

But I'm soooo happy for you, Mocca. How lovely

zippitippitoes · 18/05/2008 23:12

how good is that well done lovely

Original poster

mocca · 19/05/2008 12:06

Actually, am now feeling like a nervous wreck, hadn't anticipated how having sex with a lovely man again would make me feel. I feel so vulnerable and scared of getting hurt - despite the fact that he's already texted me to say he had the best weekend ever and to thank me for being in his life.

I hate this texting though and would much rather talk to him. I feel like letting him know that I was very glad about what happened but that it's also made me feel very vulnerable - he said we should always be open with eachother and if he's the man I think he is, I'm sure he'd understand, he might even welcome it. Or do I run the risk of scaring him off and should I just let it go with the flow and see what happens? Oh the agony and the ecstasy!

OP posts:

mamalovesmojitos · 19/05/2008 13:12

oh my goodness this is fabulous! get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions mocca. must go do an exam but i'll keep an eye on the thread.

littlewoman · 20/05/2008 11:56

You know, when my xh and I split up, I made a vow to myself never to play games again. If it comes into my head I'm afraid I say it (so long as I never say anything unkindly, obviously). If you feel like telling him this there is no shame in it. It's as much your relationship as it is his, Mocca. You have every right to let him know how you feel.
However, you have to bear in mind that he might think you want a declaration of undying love to allay your fears. How are you going to word it so that you can express your vulnerability, without putting too much pressure on him?

piratecat · 20/05/2008 12:00

well said littlewoman.

It MUST be extremely nervewracking, to know that you wish to say something, but I really don't think there is any harm, if he is truly the person you think he is.

You don't have to come over as super needy, or scary, just honest.

good luck, lucky old you, gives me hope!!!

Original poster

mocca · 20/05/2008 20:51

Just to let you know, had a really nice chat with him last night, nothing heavy but to let him know that sleeping with him had meant a lot to me and that I'd really enjoyed it and didn't want him to think it was something I'd undertaken lightly. He understood totally, it's as if we speak the same language and I was very relieved.

And 10 minutes after we'd ended our phone conversation, I got a text from him saying that he loved everything about me. So he obviously appreciated me being open with him. I'm finding the thought of not seeing him for nearly 2 weeks hard to deal with but will keep myself busy.

OP posts:

Original poster

mocca · 20/05/2008 20:53

And littlewoman, loved what you said about being true to yourself. That's how I feel and I'm prepared to take the risk of a certain amount of self-disclosure, carefully worded of course! If it scares someone off, then they weren't right for me.

OP posts:

littlewoman · 20/05/2008 21:21

Thank you piratecat, and well done mocca.

No more worrying for ten minutes, now, or we shall begin to think you enjoy it

I'm very pleased for you though )

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