Is this an OK email to send?

[noaddedsugar]

I really don't want to lay down lots of conditions, your access time with [our dd] is yours, but there are some ground rules...

Never drink and drive when you have [our dd]. I know you have done it with [his son], but if you do it with our daughter in the car I will stop your access immediately and I will be able to do this as you will then be deemed legally to pose a threat to her welfare.

With this in mind, if you have arrangements for any Sunday where you think you'll want to have a drink, I will be very flexible in arranging for you and [his son] to see [our dd] on another day.

Please always make sure [our dd] is supervised by a responsible adult, if you can't supervise her for any reason, while she's in your care.

Please bring [our dd] back at the time arranged.

I have no legal right to dictate what you do with [our dd] during your access time, unless it's harmful to her, so you don't have to lie to me about your plans, but I would appreciate having some idea of what she'll be doing. I realise you will be taking her to see your friends, and that you'll be taking her out with a partner at some point, and that's fine. As long as you ensure she's safe and happy in your care.

I'm sure if we can agree on these very basic 'rules', it will make things more pleasant for you, me and [his son] on Sunday handovers.

I would probably re-word it like "please can you make sure that on access days that you dont drink and drive or any time leave our daughter unsupervised as I don't want to have to spent the entite time worrying about her safety, could you also make sure you bring her back on times as I am trying to keep everything as normal as possible so stability is important, I hope I don't come across as dictating to you as to what you do but I wnat to make the handover as easy as possible for all of us".

I think if you send the above email you are going to put his back up straight away which will result in him doing things intentionally to annoy you, plus as well you dont want to send something that can be used in court to make you look unreasonable

blimey, do you really think he'd do that, drink and drive with her?

how will you know if he has?

it does sound a bit dictatorial to be honest. Why do you feel you have to send this email? have you been arguing on handovers?

Well,mm, he's admitted to doing it with his son more than once, so what does that tell you? Actually, I sent the email, I thought it was extremely reasonable and non-confrontational, which gives you an idea of what I think of xp .

are you expecting a reply?

you must be worried sick if you think he may be driving drunk with her in the car.

my ex is a big drinker too and thinks he can buy a sailing boat and have DS overnight on it. I think not !

It sounds liek a red rag to a bull. no offence. it depends if you care or not [about his reaction] I guess.

God no, I don't care if I offend him, he's such a twat. As it happens though, he has just replied and agreed with everything I put and doesn't appear to feel it was dictatorial or unreasonable. All I've really asked is for him to look after dd properly and bring her back to me on time. We'll see what happens this Sunday

`God no, I don't care if I offend him, he's such a twat.'

Maybe a fair point...but is he more likely to think She's got a point' or Here she goes again'.

I know what I would think if I got this email from my ex.

Just one word of warning, he maybe a lesser twat than my ex but if I had said to my ex not to drink and drive or give dd coke then he would have done it just to spite me

Tbh, what he thinks is of no consequence to me. He has driven drunk with a child of his in the car and needs it drummed into his selfish skull that I will not tolerate it with dd. I just want her kept safe and happy while in his care. Xp is a lot of bad things, but he's not spiteful. I sincerely hope he wouldn't do something that was bad for dd just because I'd asked him not to.