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Original poster

Absent father/Paternity test results

14 replies

Mumofmonkeys12 · 30/03/2025 17:13

i don’t really know how to word this so I apologise in advance if it seems like word vomit.
my older son is 12… since the age of 2 he has had no relationship with his dad, it was excuse after excuse not have him, constantly changing contact etc then all of a sudden there was nothing. There has been multiple attempts from my side to start contact with 0 results. A CSA claim was started years ago and honestly he’s pulled every excuse not to pay for the child, it was only 3years ago that I started getting any form of maintenance. During the last 10years his dad has asked for a DNA test 4 times, the first time me and my son did our sides and he failed to do his, following this CSA refused to do another unless he paid out his own pocket. However recently he refused to pay again and said DS isn’t his (shocker) and we completely the dna test…. The results have came back that he is not the father… I’m convinced he’s fudged the test somehow and i honestly don’t know what to do next. since the test, DS has requested via solicitor that he change his surname to mine (‘dad’ is on the birth certificate & we are applying for his passport for a school trip and he goes by my surname at school anyway) but he has not replied to my solicitor about this which makes me suspicious because if he’s not yours why would you not consent to the name change?
The last 12 years I’ve been convinced he is 100000% this guys child. I wasnt a ‘slag’ back then anyway but I was young and single at the time of conception. As soon as I got told ‘your pregnant’ by the doctor I got an immediate flashback to being in this guys house and realising I’d forgotten my pill.
He’s never been a dad to DS anyway, it’s not like we are missing much but if he hasn’t fudged the test, he’s wasted the last 12years that my son could have spent with someone that may have actually loved him and it’s absolutely breaking my heart. And if this is the case it’s been so long, how do I even break this news to someone else ‘oh by the way you have a 12year old’
any advice is greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
DuckBee · 30/03/2025 17:15

First question - are you sure you’re biologically this child’s mother? No swapping at hospital etc possible?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/03/2025 17:16

He could have fudged it, but you’ve also just admitted you don’t actually know. This guy hasn’t wasted your son’s time that he could have had with someone else, if anyone is responsible for that it’s you, but it sounds like an honest mistake. Do you no who the father could be if not him?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/03/2025 17:19

I don't see how he has wasted the last 12 years when he was repeatedly claimed he wasn't the father?

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 30/03/2025 17:28

the last 12years that my son could have spent with someone that may have actually loved him

This makes it sound like you think there's a possibility that another man is the father?
Was the test carried out in front of a witness? The other potential father should be DNA tested.

Original poster
Mumofmonkeys12 · 30/03/2025 17:30

No swapping a hospital possible.

I didn’t just sleep with every tom dick and Harry… there was months between different partners, so it makes it very difficult for him to be someone else’s child, I was quite far on when I found out I was pregnant, he was my immediate thought but I’m not stupid, me and this guy had already parted ways, so I went for my first dating scan alone and found out I was 16weeks gone… counting back the dates added up to the time we were meeting up, so this is when I contacted him to tell him I was pregnant, we were never ‘together’. It was 12 years ago so I no mater how hard I try to remember I honestly can’t, I can remember the times we met, I can’t remember all the pregnancy stuff but it’s been 12years I cannot remember every detail of what I did back then, but if there was any reasonably doubt myself and my midwife would have noted it during my first appointments.
he has wasted our time because we have tried to do the dna tests and go via solicitors etc to resolve matters and are always met with excuses and brick walls. This could have been resolved many years ago if he’d of done his side of the first dna test. And it would have been much easier rather than letting all this time pass. I never had any doubts, and his doubts always just seemed like a way to get out of paying for him or seeing him.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/03/2025 17:35

Mumofmonkeys12 · 30/03/2025 17:30

No swapping a hospital possible.

I didn’t just sleep with every tom dick and Harry… there was months between different partners, so it makes it very difficult for him to be someone else’s child, I was quite far on when I found out I was pregnant, he was my immediate thought but I’m not stupid, me and this guy had already parted ways, so I went for my first dating scan alone and found out I was 16weeks gone… counting back the dates added up to the time we were meeting up, so this is when I contacted him to tell him I was pregnant, we were never ‘together’. It was 12 years ago so I no mater how hard I try to remember I honestly can’t, I can remember the times we met, I can’t remember all the pregnancy stuff but it’s been 12years I cannot remember every detail of what I did back then, but if there was any reasonably doubt myself and my midwife would have noted it during my first appointments.
he has wasted our time because we have tried to do the dna tests and go via solicitors etc to resolve matters and are always met with excuses and brick walls. This could have been resolved many years ago if he’d of done his side of the first dna test. And it would have been much easier rather than letting all this time pass. I never had any doubts, and his doubts always just seemed like a way to get out of paying for him or seeing him.

It was him who asked for that test! You didn’t ask for it. Still doesn’t sound like you are certain he is the dad as you ‘can’t remember’ so if you can’t remember anyway how would your son have had a chance at a relationship with the guy you don’t remember? And if you are sure he has to be the dad then he’s still not wasted your time because he is the dad surely?

Original poster
Mumofmonkeys12 · 30/03/2025 17:37

This makes it sound like you think there's a possibility that another man is the father?
Was the test carried out in front of a witness? The other potential father should be DNA tested.

this is why i apologised for word vomit at the beginning. I didn’t think there was another potential father, but the test is negative so my brain is completely fried with it all, I’m honestly second guessing every little thing now. From that scan appointment me and my midwife were convinced he was the father, I had a period tracker app back then so was able to see when I’d slept with someone etc… I do not have the data from that anymore. But I wouldn’t have got him involved if I didn’t know he was the father.
DNA test was done via Cellmark (he company CSA employed) so we did our part at our local doctors surgery and was sent away but I don’t know about him. So no idea if witnesses or not.

OP posts:
Nosaucelikemintsauce · 30/03/2025 17:39

Was it a reputable company?

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 30/03/2025 17:42

A quick Google shows Cellmark is a court approved company, and they either have one of their handlers do the test, or an approved GP, and photos of the DNA-giver are verified by the handler/GP.

So sounds like he really isn't the father.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/03/2025 17:45

Mumofmonkeys12 · 30/03/2025 17:37

This makes it sound like you think there's a possibility that another man is the father?
Was the test carried out in front of a witness? The other potential father should be DNA tested.

this is why i apologised for word vomit at the beginning. I didn’t think there was another potential father, but the test is negative so my brain is completely fried with it all, I’m honestly second guessing every little thing now. From that scan appointment me and my midwife were convinced he was the father, I had a period tracker app back then so was able to see when I’d slept with someone etc… I do not have the data from that anymore. But I wouldn’t have got him involved if I didn’t know he was the father.
DNA test was done via Cellmark (he company CSA employed) so we did our part at our local doctors surgery and was sent away but I don’t know about him. So no idea if witnesses or not.

His part will have been done the same way as yours, so he isn’t the father

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 30/03/2025 20:14

I’m not one to defend men easily but this kinda is on you to be honest - if there was a chance someone else was the father you should have addressed it way back in the day.

Mrsmouse71 · 30/03/2025 21:43

How did you work out the date of conception? It’s not as simple as missed period 2 weeks pregnant

starrynight009 · 02/04/2025 20:10

This is a sad situation for everyone. He clearly suspected your son wasn't his all along, which for some reason didn't trigger you to question it even though you slept with other men. He was being chased for child maintenance for a child that wasn't his, I suspect he'll be looking to claim some of it back. Your son has been told his father was the wrong person for 12 years.

You can apply to have his name removed from the birth certificate now you have the DNA test results. That would probably be the most sensible thing to save a lot of issues going forward. Then you'll be-able to change his surname.

Does your son want to find his biological father?

Sparkle123r · 15/04/2025 10:14

If you are certain that this man is the child's father, and you feel that he may have 'fudged' the test as you say then you need to request that this is referee to the Financial investigations unit. They will then investigate that the person you have named as the alleged parent is the person who took the test. You need to call CMS to request this and advise that you disagree with the result.

However you need to be certain that there isn't another man in the mix. This isn't on him waiting 12 years if that's the case, it's on you. Be aware that if you don't challenge the result, you may be asked to repay the maintenance you have received

You also don't need a reply/permission to change the child's name. Take the negative result, to get a declaration of non parentage. His name legally needs to be removed from the north certificate of he is not the child's father. He has no parental rights.

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