Should I be worried?!

[chickenmama]

I had a call from dd's father last night, which was the first in quite a long time. He wanted to know what plans I have in place should something happen to me (ie who dd would go to if I die). I told him I don't have anything sorted but she would probably live with my sister. Things got a little heated and I ended telling him there is no way I would want her to live with him, to which he said some threatening stuff. This convo has kind of got me worried. I'm hoping he doesn't know any hitmen!

He lives abroad and left when she was a few months old. He's contributed nothing, didn't want me to have her in the first place, and only came to register her birth after I practically begged him to (sooo stupid of me, I know that now). Since he's been gone he's done nothing for her apart from send a birthday card.

Does anyone know if there is anything I can do to make sure she would stay with my family if anything happened to me, and not be shipped halfway across the world for him to pass on to his mother to raise?

And as things stand at the moment, is there any way he could try to get custody? It's something my sister said, I'm almost certain there's nothing he could do, but I'd like to hear what others think

Make a will with express instructions?

Hi

As Iklboo suggests, make a will, stating your instructions. I've made a will, chose my sister as my childrens guardian, have life insurance to clear any bills, and it also goes to my sister for my children. She is a responsible person (and her husband) and I know, if anything happens, my children will be well looked after, emotionally and financially.
After I got divorced, my exh pestered me to make a will. I had all the nasty conversations/threats you mentioned. He thinks I've made a will naming him as the carer of my children, but there's no way I would leave my children in his hands. He has no idea, I've told no one of my instructions, (apart from my sister), and that's the way I intend to keep it. As my children are now older, they have chosen not to see him - another reason to make a will.

Not sure if your ex has PR. But even having PR doesn't automatically mean you get residency of the children should something happen to the resident parent. In fact this is one of the reasons I support SRO's rather than residency orders where the non resident parent is actively involved in their children's life.

So don't worry that your ex will get residency automatically. If you make a will and specify who the children will go to in the event of your death and you have residency then that would take priority and he would have to contest it in court.

what age is your dd? If you weren't married and DD born before Dec 2006 in Scotland or (can't remember date - think Nov 2003?) in England then father has not paretnal responsibility even if on birth cert.

(Thanks mn for telling me that one - forms in post to registers to make sure DP has legal responsibility for DD. )

dd is 2 and her father does have PR. I'd got a bit scared that it meant he has as much say over things as I do, but I guess as he's shown no interest in her so far that will be taken into consideration.

I'm thinking of writing everything down and keeping emails as proof just in case - things like when I tried to sort out some regular contract between them him telling me he would contact her 'when he was ready'. And it still hasn't happened. That's probably why I got all worried, it would be so awful for her to have to live with him when she doesn't know him. She's very close to my family and I'd want her to stay in this country with them.

Thanks for all the replies, I'm definitely going to sort out a will and a guardian for her, and probably some life insurance too.

Sorry to hi jack but what happens if you don't make a will then? Would the child automatically go to the father if he wanted it that way and WAS involved and on birth certificate even though doesn't live with the child?

I was terrified about this when ds1 was little. I saw a solicitor and she told me there was nothing I could do as I would be dead and it would be decided by the courts at the time, with the child's interests foremost.
I was allowed to state a preference that my child be raised by my parents though and my reason for that.
I am more careful crossing the road these days!!!

Sorry I could state a pref in my will, but not dictate who should bring up my son iyswim.

I asked her about appointing a guardian but she said it wouldn't be that simple.
I would check carefully Mashedup, if your instructions will be taken as a final thing, because I'm not sure if it will necessarily cover you.

Hope I am wrong there. or my solicitor was wrong rather!!

I wonder where my DD would go while they made a decision though? If for example my parents said they wanted her with them and xp said he wanted her.

glad for the hijack used2bthin I'd like to know the answer to those too...

It scares me because when a friend of a friend of mine died she was not well mentally and had written down that she didn't want her ds going to her sister even though she was the only person within family and friends who realistically could have him, he spent months in foster care while it was all decided. But presumably if you hadn't said not my XP or whatever they would let them have DD while it was decided? Sorry not that coherant, had a break in last night in the communal area of the flat I'm in, should be catching up on sleep now in fact!

ps glad you didn't mind me asking on your thread chickenmama, its something I've been meaning to find out about but too scared to ask iyswim, not a nice subject to think about but necessary.

so do u think that means you could specify people you dont want your children to have contact with???
If anything happened to me then i suppose ds would have to go to exp. I would rather he went to my sister but exp and sister hate each other and ex would probs then not bother to see ds. However i do not alow my son any contact what so ever with ex's mother as she is a total freak. do you think I could specify that i dont want her to have contact with ds should anything happen?