Teenager

[Hollyhedge]

Hi all,

I just need to get this off my chest. I have a 15 yo DC and we have generally had a good relationship but it is very fraught right now with tension and arguments. Neither of us seem happy. He has GCSEs coming and all the usual arguments about study are happening. They are a matter of weeks now and we got into an argument earlier as he said he isn’t revising this weekend. He pushed the dog’s stair gate so it fell off. He put his air pods in so he couldn’t hear me. I went to reach one of them and he pushed my arm. The saddest thing of all is he then said ‘this is why no one else lives here’ and then said it again when I asked what he said. It has just been us all these years and I really had a good cry after that. I feel low and fed up and like I’m just doing such a bad job of this. Can someone please offer me some wisdom. Thank you

It’s such a stressful time for all concerned. He’s doesn’t mean it. You’re going a great job, you say your relationship is usually good. He’s just lashing out in a safe space. Go and tell him that you get how difficult it is and that you’re there to support him

They call it the “terrible teens” for a reason. It’s just a phase and he should grow out of it soon enough. In the meantime, you can give him some space and let him know you’re there if he wants to talk about anything or needs help revising for his exams.

However, pushing your arm away is actually unacceptable and you should let him know that behaviour will not be tolerated.

At this stage you cannot force him to revise.
Take a step back, don't nag or remind and when things have calmed down, ask how you can support him to get ready for his exams.
If he says nothing. Accept that.
Keep home quite and low demand for a few weeks, have nice snacks in to assist revision should it occur.
School will be piling on pressure and ramping up revision - he probably doesn't want it at home too.
Ultimately it's up to him.
I'd ask him to share his exams timetable with you and make sure you're around to ensure he's up in time etc.

I remember reading a survey of teenagers many years ago. All reported rows with their parents but when asked if they loved their parents and if they knew their parents loved them ridiculously high numbers said yes. When an adult wants someone to love them they show them their best side, when a child wants someone to love them they show their worst side. I’m a single parent too and I know it’s a necessary developmental stage but it still feels awful when teenagers are teenagers. One day they will be 25 and they’ll be human again. Sending hugs, you’re doing a great job, hang on in there 🫂

At this point back off the revision conversation . Let him know that if he needs anything like help he can ask. Do not take any disrespect but pick your battles. If he does not do well then be ready to support. He is being a typical teenager under stress.

Didnt want to read and run.

Just wanted to say your not on your own.
I have a teenager that doesnt need my help revising for exams either. Its tough.
but i know school is on their backs about revsion.
so all i could do it say im here if he needs anything.

Teens are hard, they are not children and not yet adults either.