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Original poster

Struggling with resentment

6 replies

PinkPanthers · 12/03/2025 20:12

Hi. Please be gentle with me. My DS is 2 years old and has had no contact with his father. He was unreliable throughout my pregnancy, choosing to returning to his ex-partner. He occasionally texts after a drink, desperately apologising and asking for updates. He is currently blocked following a night of constant phone calls. This is repeated behaviour and I naively unblock in hopes he will want to find a resolution and arrange contact like a responsible adult. I know this is silly and unrealistic and something I need to work on.

Although I have better times and recognise I have overcome so much as a young lone parent, I am really struggling at the moment. We live in a small town and did bump into him today. I chose to steer my son in the other direction and managed to avoid any interaction.

I am so full of anger. It has been more than two years of disappointment but it never truly goes away. I have tried therapy but ultimately feel resentful that these professionals haven’t experienced pregnancy, traumatic birth and parenting alone. I will put my brave face back on tomorrow morning, do the nursery run and get back to work, but right now, I am furious and tearful.

Will time heal this? It feels like it has been an eternity. If anybody could provide some words of wisdom or recommend a good book/podcast, I would be so grateful. Thank you

OP posts:
Faithsmumof3 · 12/03/2025 20:47

Time does help.
Dc dad left me when I was pregnant.
At 24 I had a traumatic birth, so I do understand. I faked it for a long time. I never got a penny of maintenance and he never had dc. Dc is now an adult and on reaching 18 dc said 'you did it, you got me to adulthood in one piece '. Dc still doesn't realise how difficult it was (that may change when they have their own dc) but they are a functioning adult whom can 'adult' and I did that. You'll one day be able to say the same.
Make your day to day life as easy as possible because if your functioning and not getting overwhelmed you'll feel better and be a more present parent. For me that meant baths alternative nights, calendar reminders for everything, only wash laundry when needed not because you've warn it for 6 hours, repeated meal plan etc.
I think something that really helped me was to reframe my thinking to, dc is better off with no father than an unreliable, bad role model. At some point in dc teens, dc asked to meet dad. It was arranged and dc came away saying I don't want to see him again (I'm better off without him). And dc was right (it took a teen to make me really believe that, even after reframing it for years).

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 13/03/2025 12:51

The therapy bit is tricky - you might need to try a few different professionals until you find someone you click with. I had counselling last year and as lovely as she was, personally the only thing I liked about it was having someone neutral to vent to. Otherwise than that I didn’t really feel much different.

Time helps and above all, making time for yourself. I was with my ex for a few years before becoming a single parent and my main reminder is knowing how much worse and more difficult it was with a bad partner. It’s like you’re parenting 2 children, one of them an unfit adult.

Original poster
PinkPanthers · 13/03/2025 21:47

Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. It has made me feel more at ease with what’s happening. It is really, really hard to do it all alone so I admire your strength. Sending love.

OP posts:
singlemum93 · 13/03/2025 21:57

I know how you feel, I often have resentment come over me for similar reasons. One thing that could help is remembering although your child’s father sounds useless and probably an awful person at least he’s having no contact with your child and not affecting his life or behaviour. Because as we see on mumsnet often is the case and can be much worse for single mums who have to
deal with that added stress. I suppose you have peace of mind that you know you only have your son and yourself to take care of and nobody else interfering.
especially when the father sounds like someone your child doesn’t need to be around.

Original poster
PinkPanthers · 13/03/2025 22:13

singlemum93 · 13/03/2025 21:57

I know how you feel, I often have resentment come over me for similar reasons. One thing that could help is remembering although your child’s father sounds useless and probably an awful person at least he’s having no contact with your child and not affecting his life or behaviour. Because as we see on mumsnet often is the case and can be much worse for single mums who have to
deal with that added stress. I suppose you have peace of mind that you know you only have your son and yourself to take care of and nobody else interfering.
especially when the father sounds like someone your child doesn’t need to be around.

You’re absolutely right. I suppose I am just grieving the life I once thought I would have, rather than wishing my ex was here. I was furious yesterday but today, I just feel flat. It all comes in waves, and occasionally I don’t think about it much at all. Thank you for your reply.

OP posts:
Purplelady1 · 28/03/2025 10:41

Time heals all wounds. As others have said, your DS is much better off without him as he is a poor example of a good male role model.

If you’re interested in joining a new channel for super single mums let me know.

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