Never getting time to yourself

[LemonNLimes]

Those who have an ex that isn’t involved how do you (honestly) cope with never getting any time to yourself? I’m so touched out like I just need a break, I even nipped upstairs earlier just for some space but my kids always follow me even though they are older kids; it’s like where we don’t get time apart they are super needy and need to know where I am 24/7. How do others stay sane?

Babysitters, maximising time to myself after bedtime/lunch break, trading babysitting/play dates with other parents, and when all else fails, teaching DS it’s an exciting treat to get the iPad to take upstairs (and give me the odd 10 minutes when I desperately need it).

Babysitters aren’t an option I don’t get maintenance so money just would not stretch to that unfortunately

I survived by working 4 days a week so I had a day to myself while child was at school. And worked as hard as I could at work so I could earn more. And a lot more using TV as a babysitter (so I could get a shower in peace etc) and getting takeaways (to ease the cooking burden) than I was comfortable with - but needs must. You have to go easy on yourself and find any ways you can to make your life easier.

I used to visit softplays/parks a lot at the weekend and take a book and a coffee so I could read while keeping an eye.

It does get easier as your kids get older, but it is hard

Mine are older but hasn’t got easier ime I guess all kids are different mine have Sen so not really getting any “easier” 🥲

How old?

Oh - I used to teach my son about people’s bubbles too… we all have imaginary bubbles around us and have to give each other space so we don’t hurt each other - he did like to be right in my space a lot when he was little and he’s a proper fidgeter, so he’d often hit me or bump into me by accident.

Have you taught them what you need? (Like to give you space, quiet, no touch for a while etc?) You have to spell everything out with children.

Yes they know but they deny that they follow me around. 12 10 and 7

Can you try rewarding them for staying downstairs while you shower and then build up to longer periods of time. Set up something like a film or an activity. Explain they need to be sensible and grown up and then they get a trip to the park or whatever. Say they can only call you if someone is ill or hurt or there's a fire. Try small periods of time and praise them for being so sensible . Build it up to an hour of you time a day.

When mine was younger I used to take odd days off to just… do nothing. Literally I just stayed at home chilling in some peace and quiet until DD got back from school. This used to be a lot more affordable though, I wouldn’t be able to do that now without using up annual leave.

Mine is 20 now and seems to have reverted back to that time. Once I’m home follows me around talking non-stop and it’s becoming an issue. I’m considering putting a TV in my bedroom (I’m very against that) just to escape earlier.

If they have SEN ask ss children with disabilities team for assessment and access to short breaks. Look at your council local offer to see criteria and what is available

And if you getting dla for them spend some on child care baby sitters in meantime

That wouldn’t be possible as one is not at school (I’m working on getting them back to school)

There really is no money spare, yes we get dla but there is nothing left I don’t receive maintenance so there is nothing left the cost of living is very high there is no money for sitters. We don’t qualify for help.

Ask about volunteering and befriending schemes maybe medical students lots of areas have free or low cost drop ins or sports for dc with SEN or other local services your dc with SEN can attend . If you at risk of breaking down becaise of the Sen challenges your GP can write to ss to access support for dc with Sen even if they below criteria?

Teaming up with other lone parents, see if there's a local group by checking Meet Up, Facebook etc, at the very least you'll get to socialise with people that are in the same boat.