Anyone else?

[emrgama]

Left my daughters father 6 months ago. had to flee due to DA. Currently in the middle of nowhere with my 2 year old. No family, no friends, struggling financially and living in temp accommodation until our home is ready in May. I'm so nervous about it. I'm second guessing everything and often think it would've been easier for us to stay and for me to continue taking his abuse.

How do other single mums cope financially? We'll be moving into a housing association property in May - i've saved £100 so far. I'll have to pay for all white good, flooring, beds, everything. I get no help from my family, they've visited us once since we left 6 months ago. It's so beyond difficult. It's really impacting my mental health, everything seems to be getting harder. I love my daughter more than anything, but the mum guilt is so intense. I wish i picked a better dad for her. I was so financially, socially, mentally stable during my pregnancy.. I'll never forgive myself for the fact he is her dad, forever.

I just feel so stuck & cannot see a way out.
Please any advice is appreciated i just need to know i'm not alone in feeling like this :')
Thanks x

It's a brave thing to do - leave and start over! It will get easier in time I promise you. Furnishing a home from scratch can be done month after month bit by bit. Buy secondhand items where possible and don't get overwhelmed if you don't have everything you need from the get go. It took me two years of work and my god it was so worth it. We moved in with nothing but sleeping bags.. I'd saved for beds for the kids and I slept on the floor on a mattress for months (it was actually quite comfortable). Every item you buy will be an achievement, look on free sites for nic nacs, to this day I give away anything I replace/don't need as I know someone will make use of it. I know how hard it is, but you've got this! Sending love and strength your way. xx

Well done for getting out. It's the absolute best thing you could do for your daughter.

I fled a DA relationship with my infant son nearly a year ago. It's been incredibly hard and lonely at times but it's 100% better than still being with him. There was no love and laughter in the house, I walked on egg shells all the time and I questioned my sense of reality.

Once you get into your house you won't feel like you're waiting for things to begin. Can you check out Facebook and local WhatsApp groups. Sometimes people are passing on furniture they don't need.

I hope things start getting better for you soon. I've had times where I've questioned if I was doing the right thing. But I kept a daily diary and when I read back on it I'm horrified by what we were both put through. Don't doubt yourself, you've absolutely done the right thing getting you and your daughter out of that situation.

OP go to Citizens Advice. You might be able to get a grant for things like flooring and white goods and even some furniture.

It seems daunting now but you and your DD will be so much happier in your own little place even if it is a bit bare at first.

Have a look on Freecycle. There are lots of things on there.

Being a single mum without much support can be daunting but it will be so much better than living with DV.

Wishing you all the best.

There is lots of help available if you know where to look for it:

Look up Reclaim places in your area, you can get very cheap furniture & white goods from them.

Foodbanks - also can help with financial advice

Turn2us website to make sure you are claiming all benefits you are entitled to

Look up charities in your area who can give financial assistance to those who need it - I can't remember names right now but will see if I can find any

Have you been in touch with organisations like Women's Aid?

Also...take the help while you need it. You won't be in this situation forever and accepting help could be a real life changer.

Good luck

There’s tons of help, most of it has been mentioned by now.

My main advice definitely is ask for help. I struggled so much, took me years to afford everything - had to do it little by little and also accrued CC debt over the years.

If I were to do it again I would have reached out. There’s no reason for you to suffer.

You might be feeling this way due to lack of finances etc. Once you have everything you need and are comfortable, you will start enjoying your new happy life. Learn how to manage your money e.g by taking short courses; buy secondhand or free items to furnish your new place (Facebook marketplace is good place to start).

You will be fine.

You've done incredibly well to get out and get a roof over your head.

Are there any charities that could help you with furniture? When I started again I had a bunch of stuff given by friends too. It all added up.

One way to ease your guilt is knowing you was strong enough to leave before she could witness the abuse and grow up thinking its OK then being abused herself. The best gift you could ever get her.

Well done!!