Ex has become a SAHP and stopped paying child maintenance...

[Snowdrop1990]

Just that. He quit his job and apparently isn't planning to return to work, is staying at home with his new baby while his partner, who earns a fair bit, works. This means he's stopped paying a single penny for our child and apparently doesn't have to, as it's not means tested on household income.

Is there anything I can do? This is putting me in a really, really difficult situation financially.

This happened to me. Husband left while I was pregnant with our ivf baby (had waited years for). Got ow pregnant. Stopped seeing dc when about a year old, became stay at home dad and never paid a penny. Dc now an adult I wish they'd sought these situations out. It's hard but I had no recourse. I would keep a child maintenance claim open just incase he goes back to work. I didn't at the time as my claim was closed when they moved over to the new system and I was told not to open a new claim (I should have done).

Can your child stay with him more so you save on childcare, food, school dinners? He could have weekdays and you weekends.

If he is now a SAHP, could he provide free childcare for your dc while you're out at work?

Absolutely nothing you can do. My ex did this (no new baby) and I suggested 50/50 which has actually worked out better than I thought and enabled me to raise my income quite a lot.

This sounds like a great idea. It seems terribly unfair that you’re having to shoulder all the financial burden for your shared child and you’re also working and doing the majority of childcare. If you need to totally provide for the child financially, it’s awful of him to not offer childcare so you can increase your earning potential.

Also seems dreadful that he is SAHD to his other child whilst leaving his first child hanging. The first child will feel terrible when they are old enough to realise. I cannot believe this thread (though sadly I know it’s real).

Wouldn't the child staying with the non-paying dad during the week mean the op would have to pay him maintenance?

Also, OP might not WANT to only have her DC at weekends??

Yes, probably.

50/50 would probably work.

I agree. That's why I suggested that the ex-H could potentially provide free childcare when the OP is at work. Though we don't know how old the dc or whether they still need childcare.

You can’t do anything. It’s unlikely to be harmonious in their camp though with a set up like that so keep your child maintenance claim open. He’ll probably end up going back to work

While not morally ok what he's done is perfectly legal and there's nothing you can do about it. If helpful maybe he'd do some childcare in school holidays or aftershock to make working easier for you.

Since your child now has a SAHP, then you can work full time without childcare costs, which is a good thing, surely? He will take the hit of loss of pension contributions and career progression rather than you!

After school not aftershock. What he's done is really shitty and he's letting his older child down massively, but it's not illegal.

He cannot be forced to agree.

Unfortunately he chose to move almost 2 hours away meaning he sees our child for 2 nights EOW and this can't be increased (and tbh I wouldn't want it to). Plus our child is at school so it's not the childcare costs that are hitting me, just seems grossly unfair that I have to shoulder the entire financial burden now, and its really difficult.

I should mention he's always done whatever he can to pay the least legally possible so there's no way he will offer to help in any other way. He won't even contribute a penny towards uniform.

What a scumbag…and the new wife for enabling him.

Well she’s got herself a prize hasn’t she? Bastard

Same happened to me, 4 kids with my ex, he moved in with someone else with 2 kids as having 4 was too difficult for him, he went to very part time hours in order to look after her kids and then got a discount as he was deemed financially responsible for them too.

The system is a fucking joke.

No you can't. I haven't had a cms payment in a decade as my ex doesn't work nothing you can do.

My ex did the same. Its disgusting, but nothing you can do about it.