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Original poster

What to say to her dad about the cheque he sent?

20 replies

BaMamma · 22/02/2025 01:08

My asshole ex-husband messaged me about money he thought he was owed from selling our house the day before our daughter's birthday and then claimed he was 'no good with dates' since having a stroke last year.

Today is the day after her birthday and a card from him arrived, he wrote that it was late because he puts off 'painful things' and that he was 'sure [she's] doing great with the situation as it is'. He enclosed a cheque, but had written it wrong so she can't cash it.

She wants nothing from him but money at this point. He has been absent from her life for the last 3 and a bit years and doesn't make any effort to connect with her. All his messages are about him, or blaming me for things, never asking about her. She records music and puts it on an Instagram account, but he's never even looked or commented.

So, what do I do? Email him and ask him to send another cheque, or transfer the money to my account, or just leave it? She's hurt enough by the amount he's sent and the lack of care he put into the card and message that she won't go begging to him over the money, but I'm angry about it.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/02/2025 01:20

I'd email, "Hi, the cheque you sent X wasn't cashable. Take care." He can decide what to do.

CheekyHobson · 22/02/2025 01:20

Do you seriously think the invalid cheque was a mistake?

It wasn’t. The goal is to get you to engage.

He has obviously sent a fairly pathetic amount so no, I wouldn’t chase it. Find a reason to gift your daughter that amount at a later time if you can.

I would say nothing and if in a few months time he asks why the cheque was never cashed, you can say the cheque was invalid and your daughter didn’t want to chase it.

If it was an honest mistake, he will send a new cheque at that time.

Make him do all the work. Don’t waste your energy chasing after him. Remember, your bar of expectation is zero. On the floor.

plantpottie · 22/02/2025 14:38

I'm ace at photoshop and my bank allows you just to photo the cheque on my phone to deposit it so I know what I'd be tempted to do!

But I agree, he obviously did it deliberately to hurt your DD and goad you. Let him stew in his insignificant juices and don't do anything but give your DD a hug

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/02/2025 14:40

I would completely ignore it. I would hazard a guess it was purposeful.

Porkyporkchop · 22/02/2025 14:42

Ignore it. Don’t get tangled in his mess, he wants you calling up that is why has done this. My ex is just like this - don’t rise to it just move on with your beautiful dd.

dementedpixie · 22/02/2025 14:48

How much was it for and what was the mistake on it?

LIZS · 22/02/2025 14:49

How old is she?

Floralnomad · 22/02/2025 14:50

What is wrong with the cheque ?

Newbie8918 · 22/02/2025 14:51

What was the mistake? It could be still cashable.

If not 'Hi xxx there was a mistake on the cheque and we can't cash it. Here are the acc details for you to transfer the money to, instead of having to post again.'

CanOfMangoTango · 22/02/2025 15:06

plantpottie · 22/02/2025 14:38

I'm ace at photoshop and my bank allows you just to photo the cheque on my phone to deposit it so I know what I'd be tempted to do!

But I agree, he obviously did it deliberately to hurt your DD and goad you. Let him stew in his insignificant juices and don't do anything but give your DD a hug

This

Is there any way you can get it to pay in? Open an account with a bank which does online cheque deposits. Fuck him. It was obvs deliberate.

caringcarer · 22/02/2025 15:56

I'd send it back in the post to him without a stamp.

seven201 · 22/02/2025 21:01

He sounds like an absolute shit. Your poor dd.

@plantpottie I had no idea you could pay in a cheque on a banking app! I've had a cheque in my wallet for about 5 months, but my local bank closes at lunch time. I'm going to do it on my NatWest app tonight. Thank you!

Original poster
BaMamma · 22/02/2025 21:11

Newbie8918 · 22/02/2025 14:51

What was the mistake? It could be still cashable.

If not 'Hi xxx there was a mistake on the cheque and we can't cash it. Here are the acc details for you to transfer the money to, instead of having to post again.'

He wrote the numbers where you're supposed to write the words and didn't write the numbers where you're supposed to write the numbers.

OP posts:
Original poster
BaMamma · 22/02/2025 21:12

LIZS · 22/02/2025 14:49

How old is she?

She's 19 now and he hasn't seen her since she was 15. He's sent money for some Christmases and birthdays, but not all.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 22/02/2025 21:29

Has he signed the cheque?
Just put in the amount in the box and score out the numbers on the line (put his initials beside the score out). Write the amount in words and bank the cheque. Choose however much you want the cheque to be if he's not put anything in the box!

plantpottie · 22/02/2025 22:52

So he's signed the cheque and indicated how much?

Then yes, just cross out the numbers, preferably in a way that the bank can still see what was written there originally, sign or initial the cross out and write the cheque out with the amount he put.

Use your banking app to pay it in.

Done.

intrepidgiraffe · 22/02/2025 22:58

@dementedpixie (genuine question - I've got no idea how these things work) - could he not claim fraud if she amends the cheque and initials it in his name?

PTSDBarbiegirl · 22/02/2025 23:00

‘The cheque cannot be cashed. Details required-name spelling *’
Dont say thanks, please or take care.

EmmasDilemmas · 22/02/2025 23:04

I think I’d just deposit it as is (in a machine maybe) I presume he’d then get notified if it’s not paid. So if unintentional he can resend.

I wouldn’t amend it as you are then risking being accused of fraud etc. But nor would I engage.

Dolambslikemintsauce · 22/02/2025 23:06

Send him it back vai post without any communication whatsoever...
Mil sent dc a card after dumping us a year previously.. ... I sent it back recorded delivery with no explanation.. It felt good...

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