Child being questioned about absent father?

[UnicornCrown]

Does this happen to other people or is it just me as I've spoken to other people before and they say it doesn't happen to them/ their children. So my son attended a new group today and when I dropped him off after he told me the staff members were questioning him about his absent father, this wouldnt be part of the group and totally unrelated but they asked him quite a lot of questions! I think it was unfair to put him in that position because he didn't know what to say to them and no child really wants to announce that they don't see their father to a room full of new people. I just find it strange they were quizzing him and made an assumption he had contact with his father, surely places should be more aware not every child has contact with their father? And it puts them in an uncomfortable position.

What type of group? Sport? Religiously linked? Chess?

What did they actually ask him? A child's idea of 'alot' of questions, and an adults is quite different. They may well just have asked what his parents do for a living if they were talking about parents jobs, children quite often instigate these types of conversations - often a surprising number of parent astronauts, police and fire personnel or doctors and nurses to be found in a year 1 class

I think it's not on to ask about parents. You never know the family background to a child and it's unfair to put a child in that position. I would be having a quiet word with the leader, asking exactly what questions they asked and why. Their answer would inform my decision whether my child continues or not

I've taught children who have no father, two mothers, are fostered, live with grandparents etc.

Nope he would not and did not instigate it so that's not a possibility 😂🤣

A new social group he is attending, they asked him if he "had a dad" if his dad cooks, where his dad is from originally, what his dads job is.. they asked no questions about me despite not knowing those about me either. I mean that is a lot to me. I was asking if other people experience this or not though please as others tell me people never ask their kids these questions.

Thank you at least someone gets it. His dad might not even be alive for all they know I think very insensitive to ask he would not have instigated it!

I didnt mean him instigating it, the group as a whole. Child A day "My mum's at work she's a Doctor and my dad is a mechanic" Child B pipes in with "My mum ..." Adult kindly prompts DS "What does your mum/dad do...?"

But doesn't quite sound like that. People who work with children regularly in school environments generally know not to ask such things, those who do more and hoc things like run sports clubs perhaps less so.

Just tell them next time that DS gets upset when people mention his dad and they aren't to do so again.

No there was only one other child there as it just started up and he did not interact with them at the session, he is a teenager so would not get things mixed up, maybe different if he was 4 I might take it with a pinch of salt.

No I don't think it is normal at all.

Most kids here come from single parents - a proportion of who won't be in contact with one parent - usually Dad - or come from blended families. Most adults here don't generally assume or pry into that.

I'd have thought it more natural to ask questions about you parent dropping off -if any questions at all needed asking.

I'd ask the person running the club politely wtf was going on - and who was asking. Could it have been a new volunteer or staff member who perhaps needs someone to have a word about perhaps not doing this in future?

Who are the people leading the group?
It seems a bit unprofessional and not something people experienced in running a teen youth group would ask, you wait for the child to naturally bring up the topic.

I'd do a bit more research into the group before sending him back.

I can't image anyone asking this of a teenager.

I was asked once by secondary school back in 90s- about both parents and their work - and then when it was obvious very working class and not manager in local company they could approach for money sent away/ignore for rest of meeting.

Yes that's my point, I would have expected the questions were asked about me, not a father that hasnt been mentioned. They asked no questions about me.

I'd ask them. Nosey Parkers.

Could it he to do with funding in the group? ie if we get ten out of 15 children with absentee fathers then as a predominantly single mum/gran group we can get funding from a specific charity.

No the group is not related to anything like that it's not a charity