Dad wanting to increase contact

[CatLady1987]

Hi everyone

I’d like some advice, please. My son sees his father for two hours supervised contact a month, plus a 30 minute video call. He served a 22 month prison sentence for assaulting our son when he was 8 weeks old. This contact has been ongoing as above since our son was around 18 months old. We went through the court process several years ago and I have sole custody of him under a child arrangements order; so he lives with me but has supervised contact (by paternal grandmother) with his father.

His dad’s prison sentence has now concluded (11 months custodial, 11 months on licence). His dad wants two face to face visits a month (to start with, he says) and for my mum not to go on contact. I send my mum to contact as an extra pair of eyes because of what he did to our son.

The final court order makes provision for the arrangements to change subject to my agreement and the local authority either saying they don’t need to be involved, or agreeing to the changes. The local authority said they don’t envisage contact increases being in my son’s best interests in the short or medium term (from the order in 2021).

I feel sick to my stomach that this man thinks he’s served his sentence and that absolves him of his crimes. He’s never said sorry for what he did to our son, or showed any remorse. Does anyone have any advice? Things have been as amicable as possible and he’s chosen the dates for contact that suit him, I’ve been as flexible as possible with it all. I don’t think he’ll ever be safe to be unsupervised around our son, but I feel like this is the start of asking for more and more time. Do fathers who injure their children actually get away Scot-free in the long term? I don’t want to agree to more time and increase the risk, in my eyes.

I don’t know what to do. Thank you for reading.

edit - I think the time he gets is more than enough and fair given what he did. There’s absolutely no remorse there, just “I’ve proven that I’m safe supervised and I’ve served my sentence”. I just wish I knew that the local authority would back me up in my absolute desire to safeguard my son from this person

He served a 22 month prison sentence for assaulting our son when he was 8 weeks old. I would fight this tooth and nail

The order says you have to agree. So don't agree.

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this OP. They definitely don’t get off “scot-free”, he’s served his time & has a criminal record, but many dad’s in exactly this position do then go on to get unsupervised contact. As long as he can prove he is not a risk then courts will consider everything and can grant supervised access. It wouldn’t be an overnight thing though, there would be other organisations assessments (social services, CAFCASS etc) and most likely he’d have to complete the relevant courses

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your comments. Given the perspective of the psychologist, I was surprised any contact was granted. The very thought they’d ever allowed unsupervised contact to parents who harm their children in such a way is just chilling.

I think it depends on many many different things. Yes he did commit a horrendous act and he served time for it. But what on going support has he had? Part of ensuring he is safe in the future is insite and understanding how it happened in the first place. If none of this has happened, then no he's not safe to have more or unsupervised contact.
Personally I would deny extra contact, if and it's a big if, he's serious he will take it back to court himself.
My ex husband has a no contact order regarding our children, I also have sole residency of them. If he ever wants contact, I won't he agreeing to it. Regardless of if he appears to have made amends or not. I expect him to take it back to court, this will show his dedication and to allow other professionals to have their input.
So no, totally not.

Thanks so much for your reply. I’m sorry to hear about your experience with your ex, it’s really tough.

The psychologist basically said there was almost no chance of him changing and he alluded to a possible personality disorder. It was absolutely damning and yet the LA still gave him supervised contact.

I’ve the old social worker and explained that he’s been in touch and I don’t feel comfortable with the increase. I’ve asked if they’re likely to support my position to not increase contact - is a court likely to increase it if both me and social services object?

I know he’s undertaken various courses but none of them relate to sociopathy or psychopathy.

I would do nothing, it's for him to prove he can have more contact!
It's very hard to do nothing I appreciate that, but font get realed back in.