Saturday football - Dad's everywhere

[jackflap]

It's really knocked me.

I've been taking ds(5) to football (basically because he enjoys everything physical and sporty and he has bags of energy and don't all boys play football?? I'm a bit vague about it all we don't even have a kick around in the garden so thought he could do with the extra help before they start playing at school etc) for the last few months on a weekday evening. He's enjoyed running about chatting etc and I've enjoyed sitting with the mums having general chats about mummish type stuff.

We've now changed to Saturday mornings and we went for the first time this weekend. As soon as I walked in there was a completely different atmosphere. There were dads everywhere. They were all on the (inside) pitch kicking the ball with their sons. It really got to me as I suppose it was such a shock. I mean of course I know these boys have got dads and I was well aware from talking to the mums that they were mostly families with the full set of both parents but to suddenly find myself amongst it. I just felt so . . . well just mum. Ds didn't notice anything. I don't think I need any advice - I mean - it's not like I have a problem or anything.

I just wanted to tell someone that would understand. My son has no contact with his father.

Oh bugger a stray apostrophe in the title. Maybe the pedants'll join me.

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Bloody hell just typed a long reply and deleted it by accident - it's a bit late for typing! I have spent the last 5 years with ds and it's been a world of daytime clubs mums and toddlers, nursery chats with mums, meeting other mums for coffee etc. The men are all at work. Evenings are tea, bath, bed, TV and mn for me. Weekends are a bit crap and lonely as friends are with their partners.

I knew the dads were there. It was just so incredibly absolutely in your face. Nice for them to get the chance to do the stuff with their sons. I can't get it out of my head.

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I do - I have wonderful back up from family and some friends. We've actually just been away for a week. We have a pretty good time of it really. I do get a spot of councilling so I could tell her. I don't really talk about my situation very much with anyone so I suppose I don't think about it that much so there I am going along in my own merry way then - it's like walking bang into a lamp post.

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That's good. No he didn't. It would probably not occur to him. It doesn't. It hasn't. At the moment his life is what's normal to him. Some people have a gran and grandad. Some don't. Some people have sisters. Some don't. Some people live with mum and dad. Some people just live with their mums.

Very sorry for you feeling this way. My DS does see his dad but I still have these moments occasionally. Remember (discretely) sobbing in the park one morning when I was the only mum amongst DCs kicking balls around with their dads, and feeling awful at the Museum (on mother's day!) when we we the only 'lone parent family' in the cafe amongst lots of couples.
Think you have to go back, holding your head up high. and get as 'into' football as you can bear. Your DS enjoys it and the football coaches/other dads might prove to be good male role models and all that. Who knows - you might even meet a nice single dad or two!

for your son, even if he isn't. He deserves a nice dad too. Also sad for you because it made you feel down, but you are a good mum, attending his clubs with him. Don't ever feel 'just mum'. Hold your head high as SB said.

Also agree with snotbuster's other remark, some of them dad's must be single. Keep 'em peeled, as Shaw Taylor used to say. That was a joke for us old people

Funnily enough was going to start my own thread about football and dads. So hope what I am going to say will be encouraging.

Both my DSs go to football training and oldest DS plays in a football team. For reasons best known to my exH he won't take DS1 to football on the 'weekends' (his definition of a weekend is 24 hours compared to my 48 hours) he is meant to see him because he can't drive and doesn't see why he should pay for a taxi and won't ask his new DP to drive them as it wouldn't be fair on her . He could try to cadge a lift from other parents but seems very reluctant to do this - he would like me to ask them!!!

(It's a bit by the way but I would have thought this is exactly the thing being a step-parent should entail!)

I know his refusal is a real source of disappointment to DS1 BUT I still take him each week (rather than be disappointed) and I hope that means something to him in the long term at least. In our team, don't know if its coincidence there are some other single parents so we are the 'soccer moms' and although I hate getting up early each Sunday I do really enjoy the social side and being part of something. My DSs best friend's mum usually takes him so even in that scenario dad rarely comes.

It helps that I do really like football and hope that my enthusiasm and involvement with my son's team and training will go some way to compensate for their dad's reluctance to become involved (he always moans on the rare occasion he takes them to training as well)

DS1 has a football ceremony coming up soon and I am buggered if I am going to mention it to exH - why should I? It would be typical of him to turn up for the glory part. However if DS1 mentions it then of course he will have to come.

So hold your head up, take him for a kick about, take him training and who knows what might happen.

The manager of our team is a single dad, btw, but not really my type.

Hi citylover, haven't seen you in a while... Not fair on her? WTF???

Hi LW have been around on some other sections! (style and beauty, chat)

Well she is pg (about 22 weeks) but as far as I can see there will always be some sort of an excuse. I think it's his doing not hers - an attempt to divide and rule.

Sorry to hijack - jf.

jackflap I'm sorry to read about you feeling like this. Does your ds start school in September?

Obviously I don't know your personal details but is it at all feasible to introduce your sons dad into his life. I say this because my sister severed all contact with her son's father but at the age of 5 (when he started school) he started to ask about him and my sister contacted him. Anyway, they slowly built up a father/son relationship and now get on really well.

Do you think this could be an option in your case? It's never too late.

He's already at school he's doing really well. I didn't sever - I have tried to be as encouraging and fair and friendly and understanding and unthreatening and welcoming as I can possibly be but so far he has decided not to be in our life. I have left all options and avenues open to him so maybe one day . . . .

Until then - yes I think it's a good idea that I get as interested and knowledgeable as football as I possibly can be. Surely the more we kick about the more we'll both improve.

The one thing I don't want is for some other male friend type to do it - somehow this one activity seems so naturally father and son - that's why I'm feeling like this - the thought of any other person stepping into this role makes me feel quite sick. A bit like when a friend offered to give him his bottle when he was tiny. I made my excuses. I didn't mind other girlfriends doing it - all females together naturally mothering - feels fine and natural but not some other man doing it.

My sister's pretty sporty and energetic - will get her help.

My Mum used to take my brother to the Kop, in Anfield. No, I don't think he realised how hard she found it, but he definitely appreciated her for making the ultimate effort. Be proud of yourself, you are being a great Mum .