Becoming a full time single parent thought's,

[user1480111163]

My Son's Mum is saying I need to have our son full time. I've always seen this as her venting towards his behaviour especially at hers. He doesn't get on well with her partner unfortunately.

We have no court orders regarding child arrangements just a written child arrangements plan we wrote during the divorce 7 years ago. But if I was to have our son more than the current 7 nights out the 14 arrangements we have. I would like something more set in stone. As this will alter my finances and both our lives drastically something which I wouldn't want to do unless I knew things couldn't easily be changed again. What do I need to do and the process involved? The length of time it would take?

I'll be changing my job and alsorts if this were to happen so I wouldn't just want to go through with something for it not to last longer than a few weeks. At the same time I've always been keen on maintaining a fair 50/50 contact for both of us, unfortunately his mum seems not want this. Over Christmas holidays for example he was with his mum just 2 nights. I'm more than happy for my son to live with me full time I will make it work.

I'm guessing I would have to see a solicitor and write up a parenting plan that says I'm the main resident parent and X is to live with me for full time, but his mum can have contact on these days, then have it signed by the courts. What would the cost of this be and the length of time be?

At which point would I put a claim in for child benefit to be in my name?

And how do I go about discussing child maintenance payments?

I think by reducing my hours to 27.5 then claiming maintenance and child benefit I'll be 5k worse off pa, but because I have savings of over 16k and a mortgage with 80k I won't be entitled to any financial help. I can probably absorb this for a couple of years and work longer hours again when he starts highschool. But In the meantime would there be any help available? I'll need to use after-school clubs. So a greater cost there too.

I had my son full time and worked full time. The key elements to making it work for me were to be at a primary school with an after-school club, and to work within a couple of miles of the school site.

I didn't find any available help.

Thanks, how Many hours was your full time? My work is 45mins away, I could probably find something different closer so saving quite a bit of commute time. Where I would be able to work. The fact I wouldn't have a company vehicle being closer to home wouldn't make a difference. But I'd probably have to take a lesser paid job and change career's until he's at highschool, which may mean id loose my faverable terms at my current employer.

I don't think I'd get any help financially. Just annoying his school after school clubs Finnish at 4 some others go past 5pm. My thinking is I could work 9 to 14.30 and collect from the after-school club at 4pm and drop off to breakfast club 745 am

I worked about 6 miles from the school.

I dropped ds off at 8.40, at my desk at 9, worked until 5.30, collected ds from ASC at 5.50. So a full 37.5 hr week.

In year 6, the ASC was cancelled on Fridays, so I arranged to take my lunch between 2 and 3. I collected ds from school at 2.20, settled him at home with a snack and the tv, and went back to work from 3pm until 5.30. It wasn't ideal but he was 10 by then and ok to be left for a couple of hours, once a week.

Holidays were split between holiday club, my annual leave and an occasional week with his dad.

I'm assuming you are on the birth certificate and/or have PR.

If so, the law has changed in England and the Courts will generally no longer make orders relating to children unless they have to.

If your ex is happy for you to have the child full time, then you have the child full time. It is only if she disputes the arrangements that it needs to go to Court and an order made. So, just have the child live with you and get on with things (just a side note, if you need to leave the country then get a signed letter of consent from the mum just in case you get stopped and asked).

Either agree child maintenance with the mum or put a claim in as soon as you have the child move in with you full time.

There will be no financial help beyond any usual benefits you might be entitled to - there is a website (something like whatamientitledto.com) which will help you to calculate this.

Good luck.

That's where it fails for me, my son's school clubs end a 4pm if it was 6 it would work well. He's in year 5 so really will have to ride it out for 18 months working 27.5 hours then at highschool he can walk home and I'll be home an hour after him maybe.

I was a full time single Mum of 2, and worked full time. 37.5 hours/3-4 days per week including weekends. Plus 45 mins-1 hour travel eachway.

My mum was my childcare. With 2 backup options. Could you afford a childminder/nanny instead. You might have to use some of your savings, but that's life.

I had my child full time, no help at all from other parent, family, or friends. I worked full time (37.5 hours) in the next city over. I used a free breakfast club, and a paid childminder who would pick up child after school and have them for a couple of hours until I could pick up about 5.30 (sometimes 5.45!). You just make it work! You can do it OP.

There used to be a after-school pickup service from a local nursery. But that closed, when I looked for child minders before none did collections at my son's school, that may changed. I will make this side of it work.

My main concern is making changes to work patterns ect.. only for her to want back to how it is now after a few weeks. I would want things more concrete than we currently have.

Thanks for this, I agree if the mum says I should then I will. And I will make it work. But it just worries me that after making a flexible working request and being approved get into a new routine she then demands we go back to how is now. Then I have to untangle the agreements with work ect..

I can see the issues of getting child benefit in my name being a issue.

And being able to receive child maintenance an even bigger hurdle.

And when she sees say 150 leave her account each month she will not want the new arrangements to continue.

And then what?

If you've made arrangements to have him in your care and it's working well, she can want to revert back but you don't have to agree.

I get this, but I feel something more official may put my mind at ease. Having said that we've had our current arrangements in place for 7 years and that was just a document I printed online and we've stuck to it. With the odd adjustments here and there.

You can arrange mediation to draw up a parenting plan if you like, but there is nothing 'official' that you could get under your circumstances. However if she changes her mind in future and you don't agree then she can take you to court and you can have the arrangements formalised that way.

Are your saving significantly over £16,000?
As you can start claiming universal credit when your savings are below this limit. You just have to declare it and they reduce your benefits on a tapering scale. But tbh it's not by a huge amount.
The fact you have a mortgage just means you can't claim the housing element of universal credits. But on u.c. your able to claim 70% of your child care costa back which is excellent. See if the school have a child minder who collects/drops off at the school. My children's school hsve one, she's excellent.
Dont rely on your ex giving child maintenance, as this carnt always be guaranteed. The courts will often go with the "status quo". So if your child moves to yours full time and then your ex wants him back, I don't think it's likely to happen.
i would try and get her to put something in writing about not wanting him to remain living at hers, so if she does change her mind later on down the line you can produce it.
I actually feel sad for the child, he's not wanted at his mums house! I think that's the bit you need to concentrate on, giving him stability and consistency. Yes it will be hard financially but many many people make it work (counting myself. Had my 2 children solely for 4.5 years)
How old is your child btw.

If your DC is in Y5 I'd try to stick it out with your existing job. I'm a single parent and have worked FT throughout - though I was fortunate in that I have a very flexible job. There are other types of childcare - au pairs, paying other school mums, PT childcare. Could your DC go to a friend's house? Alternatively would your current employer give you PT hours for 18m then back to FT?

Remember that you're entitled to CMS, though that is derisory and often dodged by NRPs.

Though even with the hassle I would still rather be the RP.