Contact with other parent who lives abroad

[Koalabeth8129]

Ex lives abroad and moved there years ago. Was having supervised contact once a week prior to that and weekly phone calls. He's not seen the kids in person for over 6 years. He's been back in the UK but never seen them.
Currently does weekly phone calls which the kids at times refuse to participate in and I have to supervise them to make sure they at least talk to him.
He's now asking for face to face contact with them but he doesn't know them!?

Any on advice on refusing face to face due to living abroad and having no relationship with them? Can I keep it indirect contact via telephone until they are old enough to stop having any contact with him?

Children are aged 10+ and eldest is already counting the days until they don't have to have contact with him. He pays maintenance and buys them Christmas and birthday presents but they call him "bank of dad" cause they already know he's buying their affection.

There is no court order in place as it was a mutual arrangement made when we divorced.

Looking for some guidance as I can't stand the man and feel sorry for my children that they are stuck with him as a "dad" who has set up a new life abroad and abandoned them at the first chance he got. He thinks the phone calls he's made has ticked the box of being a dad but he's had no involvement in their every day lives.

Technically without a court order.. you don't have to do anything and he would have to make an application to court for contact.

Whether you should or not is something only you know. Is there any chance he might be making a genuine effort to get to know them now? Have the kids expressed whether they want to see him or not?

I have to say I'm not sure I would be helping him unless I felt my children would benefit from it x

A UK judge would allow a child of about 11/12 to decide how much contact they had with each parent so if he took you to court and the kids said no to contact, then there would be no requirement for them to participate in the calls etc
It’s understandable that the kids have no interest in the calls and face to face meetings. I’d be listening to their feelings and risking the definite possibility that ex will stop paying maintenance. Your ex is doing the minimum so that he can pretend to be a good dad and would probably be relieved if you said no to contact because he could follow the deadbeat playbook and blame you for his relationship with the kids being non existent.

Just tell him you've mentioned it but none of the children seem interested in more than a phone call now and then.
If he wants to he can go to court and see how that goes for him.

Face to face contact should be encouraged. They speak to him on the phone. He isn't a stranger

I can apply through REMO for maintenance so he can stop paying but it can still be enforced.

It is exactly that! he has done the bare minimum and "believes" he is doing it for the kids but they pass the call on when they don't want to speak to him and hang up. How can they do that when he's there in front of them.

I know he will blame me but he chose to move to a different country and he chose to set up a new life and get married and not even tell them about it.

You're so right!
Why should I be helping him?
I've encouraged it so far but that's my limit he even wants to see me face to face before the kids cause he hopes I'm going to help him with this. Where has my help been for the last 6 years!
Plus he then gets to be "Disneyland dad" and have them on best behaviour for a few hours when I have to deal with everything else and the fall out after.

I've offered mediation but told him I'm not willing to be in the same room as him. I don't know whether he would take it to court he didn't the first time round and he then left the country. I wonder if a judge would take that in to account?

Some independent supervised contact services can arrange this and deal with the communication between parties. As the resident parent, you'd have the final say in the contact arrangements but the service would have to take both views into account and come to an arrangement. They can facilitate facetime or phone call contact as well as in person contact in contact centres and such. My advice would be to get in touch with one of these independent supervised contact services and let them help you arrange this contact