Why do people feel they have a right to judge you just becuase your a young mum?!?

[charlotte121]

bit of a rant im affraid. Have just finished having a conversation with someone who knew nothing about me and made a load of assumptions instead.
My situation is that im a single mum with a 10 month old ds and a dd on the way. I left my partner because he had a gambling problem and was taking all our money. As a result i live in a council house.
the lady in question was a compleete stranger. She decided that because im a young sinlge mum living in a council flat that that must mean i sit on my bum all day long living off of benifits. The chance would be a fine thing!!! Im a full time uni student, i havnt even taken maternitity leave, i will b working untill i have my baby. I live off of my student loan and dont claim any benifits.
I get sick and tired of people who take one look at me and judge me. what right do they have to degrade me in this way? Not all of us who have had kids young were sleeping around with 10 different men. I could of had an abortion but i chose to take repsonsibility of the situation and would not change it for the world!
I try and make a concious effort not to fall into the steriotypical catagory of a "chav" and work dam hard to be the best mum possible... grrrr i hate little old ladies!
sorry about that rant over! I feel a lot better now! I know that there are people out there who have kids young and abuse the benifits system but not all of us are like that.

hi charlotte sorry to hear you have been treated like that

i myself am TTC at 21 and know that people will dissapprove, i hate the way wen you tell ppl (ive been pg before but mc) they are all like "oh no, youve ruined youre life" which is what gets me! youre doing all you can for your DCs and sounds like your doing a gd job!

Some people are too stupid to examine a situation properly. They do not have the mental faculties to make an informed judgement about people and so have to rely on the Daily Male to do this for them.

You shouldn't be angry with them, you should be sad ... and you should also be smug, because people like this rarely improve their lives, and one day you may be their boss.

Guess who's getting the 2.45 lunch break!?

It is hard being a young mother, sometimes only because of other people and thei stinking attitudes, but .... sadly you won't stay young. In 5 years, this problem will be gone. Nobody treats me like a twat based on my age any more, because I'm 27, but when I was 22, it was constant. It gets better, promise.

Don't take any notice. You know that you are doing the best for your little ones, and that is all that matters.

i know the feeling well. I had my first baby at 15.

now he is 11, and I have been married to his dad for 10 years, and we have 4 more beautiful dc.

I don't care what anyone thought of me at the time, and if it is any consolation, it won't even occur to people a few years down the line

Take no notice, they are;nt worth the effort, however you say you claim no benefits.......why not girl??......if you are entitled to them then claim claim claim its not wrong, and no-one need know if you dont want them too, it will make life easier, and when you have finished college in time you can get a god job and pay back society as it were

I personally think young mums are great, as they have loads more energy to play with their chidlren!

I would also be very proud to be a student mum. And to have the courage that you left a bad situation as it is best for the children.

Unfortunatly there are lots of judgemental people around. (I work with some!) but in my experience, judgemental people are very insecure, and have to look down on other people to make themselves feel better.

I agree, its hassle that you don't need

I was a young mum -19 when i had my first ds BUT the upside is now im a young mum to a teenage son!! all his friends mums are in their 40s poss older and im 33 and he thinks its fab ,any mum any age cn only do her best nd it sounds like your doing a fine job- chin up and ignore people who put you down .

I would be jealous that you are having your pregnancies and babies when you are young enough for your body to cope (and recover afterwards). I feel decidedly geriatric at the moment!
Good luck with your uni course.

I'm probably about twenty years older than you but in a similar situation - I'm a single mum and a student. You sound like you're doing a great job and working really hard for your DCs future. Don't let nosey people with nothing better to do get you down.

I myself am 21 and had my DS when I was 19, but I also look younger than I am (I can't buy fags or drink without my ID :D), although OBV this can seem a good thing it's not so good when you have a kid and people look down there noses at u! Again I was at a toddler group one day and one of the grannys was talking away to me and asked his age blah de blah, then said do u live clos by and I told her where I lived and she said oh in the high flats when I said no in the terraced houses she replied 'OH HOW DID U GET 1 OF THEM THEN? AREN'T THEY HOUSING ASSOC THOUGHT THEY WERE QUITE STRICT WHO THEY HAD' I was soooo mad felt like slapping her! She was shocked when I told her I'd been with my DP since I ws 14(7 years) and that I worked 27 hours a week back shift and my partner works 38 hours a week day shift! I was quite smug after that I must say just because of the look on her face! Oh and my mum is 38 had me at 17 and we are like best mates now so I personally love having a young mum :D Well done to u with uni etc. Ur doing well by u and ur DC's !

i spose sometimes i do feel smug because I know i will suceed in life and dont need their approval to get there. I like the idea of being their boss in the future could have some fun there!!!
Im glad im not the only one who is in this position. Im not a single mum through choice, its just that things didnt work out... as much as i would have liked them to.
Us girls gotta stick together when the old bags start nagging. x

If it's any comfort - I'm twice your age and I get the same kind of judgement.

"what do you want to me a mother at your age for, it's not fair on the child - when he's 18 you'll be 60."

Charlotte, people have low opinions of others to make themselves feel better. A man or woman can never be the dregs of society so long as they have someone else to look down on. That's it and that's all. Ignore the ignorant cow, or tell her to stop reading the Daily Mail.

Message withdrawn

tee he he. I like it. Im now the proud owner of a smile char x

charlotte121 -you need to take a deep breath and pat on the back for all your achievements.unfortunately there are some ole gumpers and even more unfortunate they want to tell you ball about therm young 'uns today

the majority of people in receipt on benefits are decent folk but media misrepresentations and a minority of ne'er-do-wells well create a belief tht's how everyone is

good luck with your uni course

the brilliant thing is when you graduate, get an job all the credit will be yours

think about it
Graduate
Good job
Smashing little one

charlotte i feel the same as you. had dd at twenty, i'm in full time degree now as well.

hate bringing dd to her friend's birthday parties as i feel so out of place (uni creche, so older, extremely succesful married lecturer parents).

but after reading thread i now feel a lot better!!! i'm working my ass off and i WILL be succesful. i tried so hard to make things work with her dad but i can honestly say today i did everything i could to keep our family together. he is completely unable to deal with domestic responsibilities.

i'm not stupid, i'm not a 'chav', i didn't have sex until i was 18 which is unusual i've realised, reading mn threads saying 13 year olds are regularly having sex these days

nancy its interesting to hear that you also experience negativity with regards to your age. people just love putting others down dont they???

charlotte, unfortunately there are always going to be those people who disapprove, or who just dismiss you on first glance... because obviously a young mum couldn't possibly have anything in common with women who did things the right traditional way

i had dd at 20, she was planned and we were trying for 2 years. we made a concious decision to do things back to front, we both felt we were ready for that stage of our lives and would prefer to have our kids moved out of home in our 40's and travel the world and relax with money and the knowledge that that part of our lives was behind us. we now also have ds who was unexpectedly soon after dd (got preg while bf-ing without any periods so was a bit of a shock after 2 years trying for dd ) but planned none the less.

tbh, i'm a better mom than most of the older 'successful' moms i meet, i listen to my kids, i play with them, i read to them, i give up on things myself so they can have a better life... very few of the older mom's who are quite set in their ways do these things... sadly some of them even act like the kids are an imposition on their lives

but unlike some people i don't judge every older mom just because of some i've met before, likewise not every older mom judges me, i've met some lovely moms who are twice my age, and some total cows my own age!

you know you're a good mom, don't let them make you feel any differant

hijack

mama, i tried to email you but our pc is completely fucked, am about to reformat so might be offline a few days. just to let you know i'm not in a huff or anything, laughed my ass off when i read your email it was like something i would have done!

In answer to thread question - becasue many people automatically think that they have the right to judge anyone as it takes away from their own shortcomings. Speaking as a former young mum (17 when DD1 born) I say sod 'em all, don't let their pathetic bullying get to you. Hold your head up and be proud of who you are. Oh and I agree with mybrainaches - find out if you are entitled to any benefits and bloody well claim them - I think you'll find that you are entitled to HB as well as full CT benefit.

Im trying to get housing benefit but its so complicated... have to apply in term time, then re-apply over summer and then apply again when i go back to uni in september... it takes the piss really (excuse my language) Its no wonder a lot of people give up on the whole thing. Its driving me barmy!

Not sure why that is. When I was single mum and a student, they worked out my HB for the year and my claim just continued.

charlotte you will be entitled to Income Support in the the summer months when you aren't at uni, but you wont get it in term time as they include student loans as income (for some strange reason), make sure you claim for council tax benefit aswell.