Exhausted and broken but I should be happy right?!

[Gonewiththeleaves]

Eldest DC has gone to his dad's for the first time since we split. I will probably get flamed for this but I feel so low, DS really likes her. I am happy that he's happy don't get me wrong but it's just reopening the only slightly healed wounds from the last year. For context it was an affair, she was the OW, STBXH left for her officially I suppose when she fell pregnant. It's just been me and my baby DC today and I feel like I could barely function. I think I'm just coming off the back of parenting solo whilst they enjoyed their fun and holidays and lives while I held everything together and now I'm finding it hard to let go. Any words of wisdom appreciated. I feel like I should be grateful he finally after a year wants to parent but why do I feel so shit about it.

Difficult to feel great about a father taking 12months to remember he left a child behind. I imagine you have been living is a protectiuve bubble, just the 2 of you and suddenly you are thrust into the real world alone. You don't mention how old DC is but if they are old enough to understand, it's worth giving them insight. If you want him in their life then you have to leave a gap in your bubble or it will upset you every time they are together. Be strong !

Thanks for this, I think you're absolutely right about the bubble. I need to find a way to be at peace with it. Kids are 7 and 4 months. So eldest is old enough but I'm not sure I understand what you mean by insight?

I think anyone would feel low in your situation. When did you split? Your baby is very young so I'm assuming it was going on while you were pregnant. It will take a long time to get over and that's totally normal. You will feel resentful, who wouldn't ? But you are better off without him, he sounds awful! Hopefully he doesn't do the same to her and mess another baby's life up if she's pregnant she probably got pregnant on purpose.
You are stronger than you feel right now and you are going to be absolutely fine.
Super mama having two young kids on your own! Xx

Thank you @amiold I think I needed to hear this. Yea split when pregnant. I'm almost certain that was the case. I think I've just reached complete burnout and just putting one foot in front of the other for so long. I've been so strong throughout but when I see him I don't feel strong at all.

Well stop seeing him. Protect your own sanity! You’ve two kids to look after. Get someone else to do handovers and communicate via email and block him on everything else. Then you can just view emails when you feel ready and not have to see his name pop up on notifications.
you think they’re playing happy families, but I doubt it. She won’t want your kids there as it will disturb her little family bubble and she must be thinking he could do it to her.

If I understand correctly, he left you while you were pregnant as he also got someone else pregnant?

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, he sounds absolutely vile. You feel shit about it because it’s a shit situation to be in - do you have a support system in place to help you with the baby and to have time to look after yourself?

By insight, I mean being aware that ex left home while you were expecting tiny one. Definitely no mud slinging but elder kiddy must have noticed you were pregnant and very sad.

Has he told you what he intends to do about maintenance and proper visiting rights/schedules?