Feeling a bit fed up doing everything alone

[3gingerboys]

Hi all, would anybody mind if I have a pity party for one? I know we're all working really hard and kudos to everyone who is parenting alone, it's not easy!

I've been a single parent now for 4 years and finding it very lonely and a bit overwhelming at the moment. Christmas was tough as I was on my own a lot and I'm generally just feeling the weight of having to make all decisions by myself and look after the house, car, three kids alone. I can do it and I have done it for 4 years, it's just a bit wearing and I'm lonely.

My ex is a very difficult man who continues to try to control via the kids and contact. He refuses to have a set pattern and believe me I've tried every which way! He refuses to have anything to do with the courts and says that he will tell the children awful things about me if I issue court proceedings. He absolutely would and even though it would all be lies, I would never want to put the kids in that position. My older two are fortunately old enough to make their own decisions now, but my youngest is only 11, so I have a long time to deal with him yet 🤦🏻‍♀️ I've agreed a pattern with my youngest which he is happy with, so I've communicated that to my ex via text and will stick to it from my end so we'll see!

Thank you for reading my rant and love to everyone. You're all doing an amazing job x

Sorry *is infinitely

@TitaniumTess it's awful how many of us have been through that situation, I'm so glad you're out of it and managed to negotiate the court proceedings, well done you it's really brave. You've done an amazing thing for you and your son, sending lots of love and always happy to chat to everyone on here x

@brummumma I absolutely get what you're saying about wishing you'd married and had kids with someone else. I massively regret not walking away from my ex on several occasions when I should have done and feel like because of that mistake it may be years until I can be free enough to find a good person. I love my kids to pieces and would never regret having them, but I do feel guilty for landing then with an abusive father and just hope that it hasn't done too much damage to them 🤦🏻‍♀️

@3gingerboys

Yes there is a lot of guilt that somehow I chose the wrong father for my kids. We were together/married nearly 20 years but he decided after the twins were born that he couldn't hack/didn't want family life 🤔 - just packed up and left a few days later. Massive midlife crisis seems to have been the cause ...he was an ok dad to our eldest but having the twins decimated our marriage. He barely sees the kids now. No overnights.

I can't imagine dating. I work full time. The twins don't sleep through the night still - I don't know how I'd find the time or energy to date. And can't see any sane/normal/nice chap wanting to involve himself in our lovely but definitely noisy and chaotic life

@brummumma it was his choice and after twenty years you could not have predicted or expected he would react like that, it's totally on him! It must be incredibly difficult, how old are the twins?

I hear you all.! 🤦‍♀️

I done Christmas all on my own again this year.. as I have done for many years. Everything else seems far more important and that boils my piss somewhat!! I bought all the presents - as I do every year, I did all the holiday childcare- as I do every year! It was his weekend this past weekend but yet again he was too busy working away up north to have the boys. They see it.. one of them mentioned it this weekend and said he respected his dad but didn't see him as a good father figure. As they are growing up they are seeing more and more how frigging selfish he is. I doubt I'll ever date again, if I meet someone on the odd occasion I do actually go out it would be a miracle. Had you told me this would be my life 15 years ago id have laughed at you.

I married a compulsive liar and prolific cheat who thinks of only himself and has some serious narcissistic tendencies.. I've ended up a lone parent to two kids with autism who will need my guidance for many years to come. I'm sick of people telling me how amazing I am.. I actually feel like running away sometimes and sending him a message to tell him it's his turn to do the parenting but the truth is my boys would suffer and I just can't do that to them!

Sadly it's the same story over and over again. Single mothers left to raise the children alone. I'm convinced any man actually available to date is one that's ditched his poor wife and kids and is not worth getting to know anyway. I'm happy to be proved wrong but I really don't ever see that happening.

Today I'm back at my laptop working with god awful flu lingering having done two school runs and house blitz post Christmas feeling completely burnt out. Holding all this together daily is exhausting! I hear you sisters loud and clear.

@rockingbird absolutely take my hat off to you, you are doing an amazing job for those boys, it's a travesty that good single parents have to do everything to make up for those crappy absent parents 🤦🏻‍♀️ your boys are very lucky to have you and as you say they are wising up to the realities. My boys choose to spend very little time with their dad these days, it's a product of his own making after the way he treats them. Sending a massive hug and if anyone is anywhere near Lincoln, or an hour or so weight I'd be happy to meet up and have a good old fashioned chinwag and rant one day x