Kids dad had no contact

[wilma84]

My younger threes dad has had no contact with them for nearly two years(his choice) I have begged and asked thousands of times and in some instances have received no reply. This has happened since he met his new women: they have gone on to have a new baby and he has now changed his number/ email etc so no way of getting in contact unless I go through his dad .. who has also chosen not to have anything to do with his grandchildren. My question is at what point do you stop asking and hoping; I feel so sad for my younger three kids. I'm a single parent and feel I don't offer enough .. my youngest has just been diagnosed with a rare genetic condition and I feel overwhelmed.. I'm living on borrowed time at my current house due to a section 21 from my landlord. I don't feel I have been the best parent to my children since well before Xmas, Xmas was lovely kids loved it but I just didn't feel it 😞
I just need to refind myself and give myself a kick up the arse I know..
no point to this post! Sorry

Hi , my ex hasn’t had any contact with dd1 for 20 years! He had an affair and had another child that he was more bothered about . In all honesty, I now feel that she is better off , not having him around.

How did you manage?

I think the time to stop chasing ex and his family has past. You've done your best. You will be able to tell the kids you tried your best when they're older and start to ask questions.

Keep your energy for your children.

I hope you have managed to claim through CMS for child support.
Good luck with finding a new home.

Is there a support group for the diagnosis that you can plug into ?

You stop now. Right now.

They are not interested, you can not change that. I'm 12 years down this road and I promise it gets easier.
You will manage because you are already doing it all.
Be kind to yourself, you are doing great.

One thing that helped me, think of something amazing that your kid can do, or something special about them... YOU DID THAT, YOU. All by yourself.

Hi wilma84, it’s not a popular answer on here , but I met a new partner .

I have an ex like this he doesn't contact the kids ignored them when they contacted him has randomly decided to show up on birthdays and Christmas day and is cross we arnt in (in years past he has made arrangements last two years he has not) he complains to people that he doesn't see his children but makes zero effort the only time he has contact in the last two years has been to rage at me over child support complaining that they are taking his money because he isn't paying 😂

It doesn't sound to me that there is any point getting your kids involved in this sadarse's life. Why would he treat them any differently than he treats you? They are better off with you and you are better off without him. Don't look back !

Thank you for your reply .. your right I need to stop hoping he wants to be part of these kids lives. I can do this. It's hard at times but I can get through it

Stop. It's not your responsibility. Don't waste more time on dad/dad's family.

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Hello thank you for your reply; yes your right I think the time has now past but I'm scared my kids will think I didn't do enough to keep their dad involved. I sent him pics from the kids opening presents at Xmas and the email went through then I sent him a pic of my daughters school pics that I'd just received and the email said it couldn't be delivered so clearly he has now changed his email.

Yes I have access to support groups for my little ones condition - I just wish I wasn't going through it all on my own!

Thank you for your reply- I cannot wait till it starts to get easier

You have done more than you need to.

my ex hasn’t seen my Ds for 14 years . He is ND so yes would have been great to have someone to share the load .

however the greatest gift I gave myself was the realisation I couldn’t make him want to see his Ds.

it gave me more energy to focus on my reality , work out how to do it alone .. every time you try and get rejected it hurts . If he wants contact he can get in touch .

He will have rewritten history anyway .

focus on those around you

Why are you even bothering? facing that constant rejection is more damaging than just not having him around.

focus your energy on sorting out your living circumstances for now. That’s your priority along with your mental health (you won’t find these solutions in your ex).

Still no contact from my three kids dad. But there dad has two other kids with another women and she has reached out as her children want a relationship with my kids as they are obviously step brother and sisters. What should I do? I'm not sure deep down if I can trust her

Is this another woman that he has had kids with then ditched rather than his current partner?

On the whole I think that this is a good thing. It gives your kids a link to that genetic side of the family. It also makes it clear to all the children that his behaviour is because of his failings not theirs. (When he likely abandons his latest partner and her kids she can join your merry band too.)

Obviously be cautious. An hour meeting in the park not having her round to your house. But I think this could be good for all of you.

I will be honest , I would be very cautious about meeting the other woman and children , it could potentially be very disruptive.

This lady his his ex who he has two children with when we were together they spent a lot of time with me and my children so they know me but want a relationship with their two brothers and sister. I have met his ex a few times but never got on she has apologised for all the hostile situations as now realised it was him and not me

I understand where you come from it's the children which want a relationship with their brothers and sister despite there dad not wanting one

So these kids were being raised as your kids siblings for a while? In which case it seems a positive thing to maintain the relationship. Do your kids remember them?

The only thing that gives me pause is - do they still get to see their dad? It might be hard for your kids to spend time with siblings who get to see him when they don’t.

Either way - be cautious, take it slowly, but remember that it is likely that she is the one person in the world other than you who knows what a dickhead your ex is.

Yes they err round my kids for a couple of years then their siblings came along; yes these two kids do see their dad and my three don't. Yes I thought about that too; my 5 year old might not understand why they see their dad but she doesn't

How old are they all?