Lone parent Christmas, no family

[jm89]

Merry Christmas Eve.

Just wondered if there is anyone else, in the same boat as me? I had a little cry in the car earlier today. I just tend to hold it all in.

I'm a lone parent to a two year old. Her Dad left when I was pregnant. It's another Christmas just us two. Last year she obviously didn't understand. She's not much further on this year.

I am trying to make our own traditions, but it's hard. I took her to see Santa and she just screamed.

I feel sometimes like I'm failing. I still miss her Dad after all this time (I don't know why, it's stupid and I know he's not a nice person).
I see happy families everywhere.

I took her for a Christmas Day out and it feels like all families.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

Anyone else? X

I don't have any extended family here, they are in another country and we're abusive so I don't see them and moved away when I was younger as soon as I could.

I do have some friends but all have their own families and partners.

It's not about presents, but I have one to open tomorrow from my best friend.

My last two birthdays I've woken up just me and my daughter, obviously no card from her, or gift because I don't have a partner to do that. I read a lot on here about how that upsets people and I know I'll never have that.

I can't offer any advice to help in the here and now, but know that next year and thereafter will be better.

That sounds incredibly tough I'm sorry

Do you have any friends/ neighbours you can visit on even Xmas Eve or Boxing Day to make an extended Christmas

Your daughter will appreciate all the traditions you are making and she will remember them 💕

This must be so hard. I don’t have the most traditional set up either and it is hard seeing others families. Like you said it’s about making your own new traditions - I’m thinking about spending Christmas going away in future if that’s something that could work for you!

Be kind to yourself OP. Not everyone is spending it with an extended loving family. Some people are surrounded by people who are awful. Pamper yourself, bath, nice food etc. Get out for a walk in the fresh air, nature can have a soothing effect. Cuddles with your daughter will be lovely no doubt. Best wishes

I hear you xx
My advice would be to make sure you take lots of photos tomorrow - even if you don't feel like it. One day you'll want to remember her first Christmases x

Not the same but..
I'm a single mum to a neurodiverse child (13) she won't visit family or socialise, wants spaghetti carbonara for dinner tommorrow and will prob sleep all day. So I will be on my own for most of the day. It's just another day over here. But I've wrapped her pressies, I'll make myself a Xmas dinner and put a smile on my face. Face book and media all paint an idyllic family day but it's not all like that . Everyone has some stresses ove Xmas. We had traditions when she believed but not now. Like your daughter mine hated santa visits too. We work with what we have

I'm alone too but sans child. Besides starting new traditions for your daughter take this time of year as an opportunity to treat yourself. How would you like your day to look, can you pamper yourself, buy something nice if money isn't an object. I like indirect light and bought myself a new christmassy one for the bedroom. I buy myself a kinder choc Santa etc. This is so you feel looked after (by yourself) and over time the rest (loneliness etc) can become more bearable.

It will get easier.

Just me and my son tomorrow. He's 13 now. He will see his Dad for a couple hours hopefully.

The early years were the hardest, and I know that pressure of trying to make it magical when it just doesn't feel like that for you. I remember taking him to see father Christmas and it was on a steam train. He fell asleep and I had to carry him to the car and he was so heavy, I wanted to cry. It was a long way and I was watching all the toddlers with their families being carried by Dad's with mum's smiling with their santa gifts and bags. I had to carry all of it myself.

I had one or two with my parents but a few just us and it's been just us for last few years. Best advice is to try not to compare. Try to enjoy what you have.

We've just had a nice chilled day here today.

Pop on here tomorrow @jm89 . You're not the only one in a family of two. 🎄🎁⛄

It's hard. I know. But I would try to see it as a good thing you are safe with your lovely DD and away from abusive, shitty people. You can have your day and traditions completely as you like.

In future years, once at pre-school or school, she will make you cards and maybe even get you token gifts if school facilitate that. Some do, some don't. It will honestly get better.

For many years, I spent Xmas with my narc mother or horrible abusive ex husband, and felt more lonely back then with these so called 'loved ones' than I do now waking up and being with just my dc for Xmas. I hope you and your DD do have a lovely peaceful day.

Hi OP
I am a lone parent with limited contact with my family. It's a particularly tough situation - being a lone parent without wider family - and even more so when your child is that age.

I take great comfort in knowing that ours is a happy, peaceful home, even if it doesn't have a traditional set up - hopefully you can do. You are a hero to your child.

Treasure the moments when things go well, and remember that it does get easier and better as they get older.

Thank you all. I know I'm not the only one and there will be people far worse off,
People without even a warm home or things like that. I usually think of others that's why I feel like such a failure feeling down on myself.

Before my child's Dad left, I used to always be invited to their family Christmases and I find it hard now imagine it all going on without us and my daughter and I just here.

I know not everyone's lives are perfect, even when it looks that way. Even colleagues speaking of Christmas plans, I just feel like such an alien because I think how has my life gone so wrong that I am so alone.

My daughter brought some little bits she made at nursery home and some decorations which I hung on the tree. Those did make me smile.

I'm sorry to everyone else going through similar

Aw don't be hard on yourself. And remember, the bigger the get togethers...the more arguments usually 😁

Let me give you a top tip.... Buy yourself some presents! Ds sometimes made me cards or bought a little gift at the PTA Xmas fayre but it didn't always happen. Exh never facilitated it... though weirdly I think we are doing it for ds sake this year! I helped ds wrap it earlier. I started buying myself presents a few years ago. It's great! Santa is going to be v good to me tomorrow 😁

Don't be too hard on yourself, OP. You moved away from an abusive family, which was a brave thing to do. The Stately Homes thread is a source of good support if you want to check it out.

It may feel like everyone else has the life you want, but dont be fooled. Everyone is on a journey. Take the time you need to grieve that life isnt as expected, but be really kind to yourself, make the most of tomorrow and have fun with your DD.

Yes just me as I don’t speak to my family and my ex doesn’t see the kids I have 4 kids though so a bit different but yeah it’s difficult having no family at Xmas

Your daughter has everything she needs - a loving and caring mum. So many kids are surrounded by people, but people who are arguing, resentful, angry and bitter. Make lovely memories with her, enjoy some time off work. Your presence is more important than presents. And don’t worry about the Santa trip - she’s too young. In a few years time she will love it.

Merry Christmas @jm89 and everyone here.

@jm89 Merry Christmas, not a lone parent but a co parent...2 children waiting to go to their dad's and his much larger family than I can provide! Hope you and your daughter have a lovely day, but don't beat yourself up if it's just an ordinary day xx

Good morning to you all and Merry Christmas.

My little one isn't awake yet so I'm just having a cup of tea and a piece of Christmas cake for breakfast.
My kind friend baked the cake for us and it's lovely so that's made me feel happy.

I'm going to stay off social media for the next few days I think as I know it will make me sad.

I hope everyone here has a nice day x

Just an aside but it seems all two year olds cry when seeing Santa. I'm 61 and my Santa photos from newborn to age 18 (yes! Lol) the crying one is age 2. Same for my sister and all our extended family.

So take heart that maybe she will love it next year. Meanwhile I hope you are having a pleasant day.

I have been where you are, with no nearby family and the pressure of creating traditions for just me and DD. It's tough. You are doing amazingly well, your wee girl is lucky to gave an awesome mum like you.

It felt like I was going through the motions for years but gradually got better. My DD and I have been by ourselves since she was 2, and she's now 12.

For the past 3 years I've invited a couple of other solo mums without local families over and we've played board games and gone to the park. Today DD and the other kids put on their togs and played on the slip and slide (we are in the Southern Hemisphere!) while I had a lovely day drinking and chatting to their mums. It took a few years and a bit of effort to build up networks with other solo mums but they have been absolutely golden for practical amd emotional reasons.

We've had an okay day, she wasn't that interested in opening presents- the plastic forks and spoons I got for the toy kitchen went down the best!

Had some picky bits, a glass of Buck's Fizz and a nana nap together this afternoon.

The day took a strange turn when I received a text from her father though! We've not heard from him for a very long time. It was a text like he was speaking to DD- very odd as obviously she can't read. He also asked for pictures of her.

Made me quite angry because he could put some effort into being a Dad and caring all the other days of the year but hasn't.

Hope everyone else is having an okay day!

Perhaps I am being harsh, OP, but I would be very sceptical about him making contact, given his choice of doing it on Christmas Day.
I would take a deep breathe, focus on yourself and your little one, and deal with his text on another day, when it suits you.
I.e don't let it disrupt your day, he doesn't deserve that.
A glass of bucks fizz and a nana nap sound awesome. Keep strong x

@Rubyred3 I think he actually does it on purpose, as he knows it will rattle me and upset me on the day and he likes to do that

When your DD is old enough to realise you are brilliant, she will.