Put dd to bed and then burst into tears - I only work 25 hrs but don't feel like I'm coping - any advice??

[misscathcart]

I just can't seem to handle things very well on work days, as organised as I am and as early as I rise the mornings are stressful and as I get ready dd tears the place apart.
I pick her up from her dads at 5pm ish and arrive home to the bombsite I left, in which I try to make her a good meal while she hangs off the back of my leg crying, empties out the bin and the cupboards and tips the cat food out...
I do try to have something I've cooked beforehand ready to get out the freezer but all the same, I just get so wound up and tonight I thought I was just going to snap. I shouted at dd which I never do, I was impatient and horrible

Now she's in bed but instead of cleaning up all I want to do is put my head under the covers...

I love the time we spend together on my days off but just hate how stressed I become under these circumstances - how can I get it together???

Do as much as you can the night before. Don't think about tidying up till she's in bed. Simple and easy to make food for tea.

Then quiet time with DD, bed, tidy up quickly and collapse

Poor you! I have a partner to help and I still find it hard, so well done you!!

I know it is hard but I do try and tidy up in the evenings and set out clothes etc for the morning. It really only takes half an hour or so. Why dont you see if she could have her dinner at her dads on the days that you are working and that way it may be less stressful when you get home.

I do do all this before I go to bed, sorry, I guess I'm just letting off steam and having a winge - this is what little dc's are like all round I know. thank you for your responses, I know that we are all in the same boat really

How old is she?

Sounds to me like the tea bit is what's causing real problems. Could your dad cook her tea, even just once or twice a week? (my two need food by 5pm or they get impossible)
Or could you just do a sarni or something easy & make sure she gets a good meal at lunch time?
And/or get the food out of the freezer the night before & leave in the fridge so you only have to heat it, not defrost?

If you never normally shout at her, then, imho, you are doing bloody well

I did ask her dad today if he would mind giving her a 'proper' dinner rather than just a lunch on the days he has her when I'm at work but he just started moaning about it grrrr!

Humm, so what does he give her for lunch?
On the days I'm at home with the kids, they have cooked lunch - don't think that's too much to ask, is it?
How about giving her a snack when you get in (nothing too filling, obviously) - some dired fruit or something? Keep her occupied whilst you heat something up?

she's 15m. I'm sure I could find ways to make the evening bit a bit easier, think ahead to meals etc a bit more. I know I always stash a load of stews and casseroles in the freezer - but forget to take them out to defrost in the morning of course

he usually gives her salady bits, sometimes pasta, or a sandwich. Its not that she's especially hungry when I get her home, its more like she just need 100% attention from me, which I'd love to give but its all the little things getting in the way

Just wanted to say that you're doing a fab job!

Can you ask ex to have your lo while you and a friend declutter and deep clean your home. (I am not insinuating anything about your home we all have areas we'd really like to organise better) Get things more organised for you to help with the day to day 'ness' that is hard for everyone evne with a full time partner. Spend half the day tidying and the other half cooking things to freeze. Aim to cook if that's what you'd like to for your lo but at those times you really need a break or dd isn;t cooperating then you've something you made already in the freezer.
Once the house has been organised to how you'd really lik it then it really does take 10 mins to keep it up every day. You are doing what people with partners do all by yourself and no bloomin' wonder you;re a little stressed!

he usually gives her salady bits, sometimes pasta, or a sandwich. Its not that she's especially hungry when I get her home, its more like she just need 100% attention from me, which I'd love to give but its all the little things getting in the way

Just wanted to say I know it's hard, it's the hardest part of being a working parent IMO.

You get home, you're really pleased to see LO, but tired from work, and they get really whiney and clingy and you have a million things to do and they will not get off you.

Then you snap, and feel 100X worse than you would if you'd been at home all day because you feel guilty you can't even cope with them for a couple of hours...

(this is all me, but I think you probably feel the same).

Am in admiration of lone parents doing this, I used to really panic when I had to go it alone at that time of day, can do it now but still have days when it all melts down like it did for you.

Think definitely a proper lunch is the way forward, mine have that at the childminder's so it's not the end of the world if it's just scrambled egg for tea.

sympathy...

x posted

haventslept - yes I do feel like that too - and thinking about it now, I know I get worse because the more stressed I get , the less I feel I'm coping on my own and then I start feeling angry and resentful towards ex....
I have got plans to put her into nursery in the not too distant future hopefully so maybe things will be a bit different then after she's had such an active day and a hot meal at nursery.

I'm not usually this bad but its been brewing for the past couple of weeks and I guess its all come to a head today..

Aha - I knew it -your DD is the same age as my DS !!

And food is the only way to get him off me ! Slice of bread and off he goes (but he does have a big brother to fight play with too.

I find it helps to sit down with him as soon as I get in, even if for 5-10 mins, read a book (I usually bf because I still am), then they are happier to do their own thing rather than if you launch straight into getting tea ready etc.

good luck negotiating with exDH

You sound like you're doing an amazing job, btw - you're working, coping with a 15 mth old ( a lovely, but not easy age) AND have a freezer full of home made casseroles. I'm impressed

A question for you. Do things get easier after the food? My two are often uber-demanding just before meals - I am more & more coming to the understanding that my kids respond very very badly to being hungry (even if they don't know they're hungry) And of course, they want attention & you are trying to cook - recipe for disaster!

Salady bits doesn't sound enough lunch for a 15 mth old, imho. It seems really unfair that you have to cook the meal if he's at home with her all day. Tbh, I'd sort of expect him to feed her the evening meal (say 4.30 ish) but maybe you'd rather keep control of one meal

Nursery would give her hot meal at lunch time & evening meal around 4pm ime...

Do you get some time to chill in the evenings or are you rushing round the whole time? I try to get time for a nice hot bath (and MN time if I get get custody of the laptop) which helps a lot. I do really notice the difference when it;'s just me in the evenings - it's hard work and you need a break!

Are the hours you're working best for you? Would changing times or days help?

muppet - actually my home is pretty clean etc, luckily for me when I moved in it was brand new so has been easy to maintain the cleanliness aspect to a certain degree- but dd is very erm destructive - everything out of all my cupboards, underwear drawers, cd's, books, bin, cat food, plant pots etc, it all comes out! I know I need to get locks on the kitchen cupboards would be a good start! I will go to boots and get some tomorrow I promise...

Duct tape works a treat if you don't have locks

Oh I hate the early evenings on home duty - not that I get to do them very often - but tired stressed DH, tired stressed children, even the cats seem tired and stressed - it's awful.

Practically speaking I would do all the clearing up the night before, make sure the bags are packed etc, and most importantly cook a meal for the following day. It's easy to find lots of recipes where the food can be ready in ten minutes from walking in (will send a list of ALL our meals btw if you are interested)

My last suggestion is a snack for your dd. Take it with you in the car. An apple or a banana, stuff that she can eat on the go that is going to give her a quick energy boost so that she is less grumpy and horrid

Life is

lol at duct tape!

and at grumpy and horrid - i think thats me!

brb - phone call..

funny - I'd love him to cook the evning meal but he's a dick and becomes the martyr...

Havent - that sounds like a good idea - I will try and sit down with dd for a a little while before the tasks, it could well do the trick as I know all she wants is attention and I'm just it 'get it done and out the way' mode

The warmer weather is coming. She can survive without a cooked meal in the evenings on the days when you work.

Why not make a picnic in advance for both of you, so that you can sit down together and eat as soon as you get in the door? Her tummy will be full, she will have your attention and company and you will not be stressed.

Make sure you do healthy hot meals when you are not working and she will be fine. It is the spread of nutrients over about a fortnight that matters at this age.

As long as she is getting a balance of protein, fat and carbohydrate plus fruit and veg she will be fine.

I must admit I am not really comfortable with snacks in the car for small children in case of choking.

thanks all, I feel a lot better and will take all your ideas on board. I've just had a bad week and felt things were getting on top of me - a little sorry for myself I must admit! I'm off now until next wednesday so will use the time to relax and have fun with dd. I have sunday afternoon to myself so will stock the freezer back up and clear out some of her toys etc, before having some lazy 'me' time.
Thanks again - mn never fails