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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

xp won't go to mediation

13 replies

fransmom · 30/04/2008 17:03

to cut a long story short, initiated mediation after xp ignored letter from sol asking for work rota to arrange acccess. his idea to have from last early to first late shift and then middle day off overnight. (if that makes sense).
he wants to keep changing things drastically,

it sounds so tupid written down but basically i want him to see that he can't keep mucking about with dd's routine and he seems to be doing things to suit him - he is selfish manipulative controlling and everyone thinks he is so charming. he sent a text yesteradya saying that he wasn't going because he didn't hinkit would work - well, it would work this end. i don't know what to say now

please say i'm not only one inthis situation (i don't think i am) any words of advice, support etc glady appreciated xxx

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Fluffybubble · 30/04/2008 17:30

When my exh refused to come back to mediation (because he found it stressful?!) I spoke to my solicitor, who said I could threaten to withold access if he was not prepared to meet to discuss our dc's wellbeing. He would have then had to apply to the court regarding contact arrangements (more stressful than mediation!) He then agreed to come back...Not sure whether this would work for you, and obviously it's a last resort as you don't want to prevent the dc from seeing their dad, but if you have real concerns about your situation it may be worth thinking about...

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fransmom · 30/04/2008 17:34

thanks fb xx

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fransmom · 30/04/2008 17:34

i think that if things don't change, i shall go to appt alone and sort things from there not sure what else to do really

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Fluffybubble · 30/04/2008 17:41

I think that you are being very reasonable - you need to maintain some level of communication if he is to continue parenting your child. Would it be worth a letter from your solicitor saying that mediation is the preferred option but if necessary you can resort to more official channels??! Maybe appear to be offering him a choice (but not really, iykwim?!) He may think he can just say no and that'll be the end of it...

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fransmom · 30/04/2008 17:42

worth a thought i think.
he has admitted to me in the past (after a ten minute conversation that if he can't control the situation then he tries to control the people involved - why on earth did i ever get mixed up with someone like that?
am in library, with no coat, just a light jacket and it is chucking it down

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Fluffybubble · 30/04/2008 17:50

Oh fm!! ((((((hug))))))!!

Hindsight is a wonderful thing...if we all knew then what we know now.... All you can do is your best - don't let him have it all his own way, it sounds like he is used to being in charge, but this isn't about him...

Can you run for a bus / taxi?? The sun has finally come out here...maybe it's heading your way

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fransmom · 30/04/2008 17:52

it stoping so is time on library pc...

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Fluffybubble · 30/04/2008 17:54

Take care - hope you don't get too wet!

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fransmom · 02/05/2008 15:05

crap day can't post much more as dd with me

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gillybean2 · 04/05/2008 13:07

If things do end up in court they will not be impressed at his refusal to attend mediation. They will try and encourage mediation too, so he would be better doing this now.

You have to think of what is best for the children. Yes a certain amount of flexibility has to come in when people work shifts, but there also has to be understanding and recognition of the effects on the children. Likewise you have to consider what the effects of them not seeing their dad will have on them. Any arrangement has to be what is best for them.

If he can't agree with this and won't work towards it then there is nothing you can do. If he can't meet his resposibilities as a parent, and is insisting it has to be his way or no way, then you have to step in and say sorry no. And then he can go to court and will be told he should attend mediation...

I do agree that you should attend the mediation session regardless. Sounds like he might turn up for it and then imply you were the one who didn't go if you don't. And it might help you to talk with someone else about your feelings and to work out what is best for the children short and long term.

Gilly

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fransmom · 07/05/2008 13:24

i wouls=d have gone but they said i couldn't attend on my own.
sorry short and sweet, dd with me again, will post more 2moro after flat inspection. ttfn x

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fransmom · 08/05/2008 10:05

ah it's all blown up. he said that some bloke pulled alongside him at traffice lights and gave him mouthful even tho dd wa sin car with him. he said it was the guy i had one date with before xmas and have seen a couple of times since. and that he was going round his house to sort it out and how would his missus feel kind of thing. i have also just found out from my cm, who looks after his son from time to time (this son's mom and ad split) that this guy may be getting married to his "exgf" who he told me that he wasn't seeing anymore. what a complicated mess. so me being me, i sent him a congratulations text about ten to ten to let him know that i know and bingo! no reply!!!

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mrsmharket · 13/01/2010 12:01

an update on this sorry state of affairs.

fm went to different solicitors and after lots of letters and contact centre, he is now taking things to court, asking for access, things that fm has been asking for since last march!!!!