So here I am starting a wonderful new relationship with a gorgeous man and like a bolt from the blue my ex has decided he wants to see my DD (age 3). He saw her until her 1st bday and then bang! changed his number, moved house and has never contacted me again since. It was always me getting him to come and see her and I was getting fed up of running round after him so when he dropped all contact it was a pretty big relief. He would often say he was coming and then wouldn't turn up, usually without letting me know. I kept a diary of every communication with him and I think he saw her about 20 times in the first year of her life. He missed about 30 visits and on a few occasions, turned up unannounced, expecting me to drop everything for him to spend time with her. I tried to get him to commit to a regular day/time but he wouldn't stick to anything.
He has never paid a penny maintenance. Did all the usual with the CSA: Denied paternity, job hopped, left the country, moved house every few months so 'never got the letters from CSA' blah blah blah.
In the last 2yrs, he has got married and had a baby with his new wife and I don't think she knows my DD exists. I think this is why he stopped all contact and changed all his numbers etc, in case his wife found out.
Now he has split up with the wife and has decided, now it suits him, he wants to see my DD again. He now has 3 dc's by 3 different women and I know he doesn't have any contact with the 1st or mine.
I am trying very hard to think carefully about whether or not to allow him into her life. She doesn't ever ask about him, we have managed perfectly well without him for 3 years. I really don't think it's in her best interests at this point in time.
His history is not good. He was violent towards me (pre DD), he looks for relationships that will be of financial benefit for him. He refused to ever pay a penny for rent/food/bills etc before DD came along and he even pawned some expensive jewellery of mine and then lied about it. (I found the receipt). I never got it back
He also spent time in prison for assault. (Not towards me)
I just don't know that at age 3 it is a good idea to introduce her to her father. He tends to be all talk and no action and I never believe a word he says. He cannot be trusted and I know he will let her down. Also she has just met my new man so I don't want to throw in another new person/relationship for her.
She is a very happy, lively well-loved and funny little girl and I feel his presence in her life at this stage will be very negative. I have always thought that she might want to get to know him when she's a bit older and I don't think I'd object to that but now just seems like such a bad time.
I just know he will get bored and lose interest again and I told him before that he was on his final chance and if he screwed it up again, he wouldn't get another until she was old enough to decide for herself.
I am so pissed off that he can disappear out of her life when he feels like it and then, when it suddenly 'fits in' with him, start up contact again. How long will it be before he gets some other poor cow pregnant and he drops contact again?
Honestly, I think there should come a time when the courts can order a slow painful and torturous castration for all shitty men that think it's ok to father several children and take no responsibility for them. People may argue this would not be in line with the human rights act, but let's be honest, is it fair on the human rights of the women and the children he keeps producing? (He is a very manipulative and persuasive liar).
What a twat.
Sorry. Rant over.