Contact with 7 month old

[theodora2146]

Hello,

Looking for some advice!

Basically me and my partner have not worked out, he have an almost 7 month old son.

I am moving into a 2 bed house and the dad is moving back to his parents.

The dad wants to see our son 3 evenings a week and then every other weekend and then also wants to have him over night at his parents.

I feel this is too much, he wants to come to my house 3 nights a week to see our son and I feel like I won't have the space I need away from my ex. Also not comfortable with the over night stay while he is so young and in a routine.

Anyone else had a similar scenario?

That sounds a lot. Be careful what you agree to because I think it's really hard to reduce time once it's become a routine. My solicitor said to me it's entirely your decision as the Mum how much time they get to see them. Not sure how true that is, but I guess unless he goes through the courts what can he do?

The evening thing sounds a bit strange, won't the baby be in bed?

What about a day / afternoon mid week then the same on a Saturday or Sunday? Then you can work up from to here when it feels right. We didn't start over nights until DS was 3 as that's what I was advised. Children need stability especially at younger ages.

Sounds like either he wants to be fully coparenting or he wants it to look like that for child maintenance?

Overnight at 7 months could be ok. I would have left mine with their grandma at that age (or certainly by 10/ 11 months). Would I have left our baby with their dad at that age... not so much!

I'd say also make it a time when it can be genuinely useful to you, so when you're working, or at the weekend when you can go off and do your own thing, rather than you bending over backwards to give him contact

Ie hosting him at your house 3 evenings a week - that would be a no from me

The three evenings sound good ! can you leave the house and go do a hobby or class etc
he should follow your routine and cook and feed baby put a wash on, fold put away baby Laundary tidy toys
set out full expectations he doesn’t get to do “ Disney fun dad”

Why can't he have the baby at his house for the 3 evenings (assuming he means more afternoon than evening, unless it's 5-7pm or something). It would feel like a lot to me to have the ex in the house 3 evenings a week - I wouldn't even contemplate it if you couldn't go out while he was there. Even so it sounds quite intrusive if it's every week. And I might be wrong but I imagine he's thinking he'll come round and play with the baby / cuddles, rather than doing dinner, washing up, putting washing on etc...

There is a few things to ask here although he is asking for little and often and eow.

are you back at work your baby will be used to you not been there all day although they are coming up to the seperatation anxiety phase .

how far apart are you living ?

probably at this stage I would offer one day a weekend and one evening . I would be saying working towards over night when they are older.

I'd be uncomfortable about this too. Why at your house? He can have the baby for a couple of hours elsewhere.