:( Cant go on ..... [angry] ,

[kay7]

My bedroom is a mess I started spring cleaning last week cant seem to find the energy to finish it off.Im worn out DD,s father wants to buy plane tickets so we can visit him and talk ,he never gave me any help rite from the start,even told me to get rid of it.6years later he wants to talk and make peace, coz he needs closure because and i quote "no other woman stired him the way I did." Oh pliz!He said thank you for takin care of DD,how dare he,I feel so much anger and pain havent been able to eat weell for the whole week.Sorry for going on.I need to get this anger out of my system,I thought i was over it.

It's not surprising you feel so angry after what he's done. That quote is truly creepy.

How far away is he, if he wants to buy plane tickets? Why can't he come to you? It isn't really fair to expect you to travel to him on such a flimsy premise, what if it all goes wrong? You need to be in a place that's more your territory if you are going to accommodate his wish to talk at all. You need to be able to bolt for home if you so wish and not be stranded in an unfamiliar place at his mercy.

I moved continents coz I couldnt break away.I loved him and believed all his empty promises.I dont want him visiting me I mite fall for his charms again.He even told me to abort he wasnt ready.He is now but Im not prepared to go back and talk.Is it normal to feel like crying about this whole thing 6years later?Maybe I never really got over it.I just kept going coz I had to,while he adjusted to havin a kid.I feel a lump in my throat or my chest rite now.

Yes it is normal to cry about it. He has raked up all the pain of being deserted again.

Nature designs pregnancy as a 9-month period to adjust to the idea of being a parent, taking 6 years to adjust is not normal. You are right to be very cautious and I certainly wouldn't travel to see him on his terms, and be very careful about meeting him on your territory. He is the one who messed up, and he is the one who must put it right. So it's his job to convince you that it would be in your and your DD's best interests to meet him. Saying 'no other woman stirred him the way you do' is not really the kind of thing you're looking for, and rightly, you recognise that this is flattery designed to make you comply with his wishes. Good for you for being too mature to have the wool pulled over your eyes.

thanx anorak i jus needed let it out.i dont really want to see to be honest,not yet anyway,not after all the suffering i have been through with no offer of help from him.im not strong enough to talk to him,yet there is so much id like to say to him,and maybe claw his eyes out for all the times i cried myself to sleep when i was pregnant,but then again he only has 2 eyes so that wouldnt b enuf.i guess id better stop now.think happy thots..thanx again

Oh, kay7, all that pain he put you through, just to say it was a horrible mistake. And thank you for looking after his child, like he'd misplaced him on the bus or something. I don't think this guy is quite right.

Nobody stirred him like you did? Stirred isn't even a very nice way of putting it. It implies putting him out of sorts, or shaking him up, like titivation, but it does NOT imply love. Put his eyes out, obviously. And then think very carefully before you and your ds get roped in again.

Poor you, how rotten for you. Please remember that you are a fabulous strong person who is raising a lovely child and doing a brilliant job of it. Agree to meet him in neutral territory (without your DD but take photographs of her with you) so you can leave if he becomes tiresome, and bear in mind that while it would be a nice thing for DD to know her dad, the contact needs to be managed in a way that causes you as little pain and distress as possible.

Oh, I'm sorry. DD not DS. How rude of me not to read it properly.